Work in Progmess

Your résumé has seven seconds to make its case. Right now it’s spending four of them apologizing. This week’s challenge: delete one line that belongs in a time capsule, not a job application.

Today in corporate theater: We initiated layoffs. Then remembered we are the workforce. 10 out of 10 would not recommend restructuring a two person operation. Newsletter’s live. https://workinprogmess.ai

If you were a company, would you invest in you? Before you answer, take a quick lap through your own metaphorical org chart. It’s a helpful thought experiment and a mildly alarming one. HR Are you supporting yourself like a human you actually care about, or would your own HR department write you up for ghosting your goals? Marketing Would future you buy the story you’re telling right now, or are you trying to sell a product with no packaging, no messaging, and no clear reason to exist beyond “other people are doing things and I should too”? Finance Are you spending your time like someone with a plan or like a Sims character who keeps walking into walls? R and D When was the last time you learned something new on purpose and not because the internet forced it on you? If this feels uncomfortably accurate, good. Same here. That’s the whole point of Work In ProgMess. We’re all building the business of ourselves, whether we meant to or not. So here’s the real question. If you were a company, would you invest in you today? Or is this your sign to update a department or two? #careeradvice #thebusinessofyou #personaldevelopment

BREAKING: MAN DISCOVERS THREE-INCH FOREHEAD HAIR AND ACCIDENTALLY INVENTS NEW FORM OF SELF-AWARENESS Scientists everywhere are scrambling after Greg Hollister of Sacramento uncovered the greatest threat to modern adulthood: a lone, three-inch forehead hair he somehow never noticed. Yes. Three inches. On his face. In public. While allegedly being a grown man with access to mirrors. Greg insists he checks his reflection “twice a day.” The hair suggests otherwise. Researchers immediately expanded the study to Greg’s other blind spots, including: • A laundry basket overflowing into a second jurisdiction • Salad dressing from 2017 still “probably fine” • Career feedback delivered in plain English for a year • Asking if Wi-Fi can run out as if it is propane Early findings confirm what many suspected. The forehead hair is not the crisis. The lack of awareness is. If you enjoyed this breaking news from the Department of “How Did You Miss That,” you might actually love Work In Progmess, our weekly newsletter dedicated to personal growth, poor decisions, and the humans who keep discovering new ways to surprise themselves. Subscribe here before your own forehead starts sending distress signals: https://workinprogmess.ai #WorkInProgmess #HumansAreWild #BlindSpotEnergy #AwarenessCrisis #ProfessionalPlotTwist #CareerComedy #SatireSquad #FixYourForeheadFirst

BREAKING NEWS Local reporters rushed to the scene today after a soda machine bravely admitted what most of us hide on Zoom. The middle spout displayed a sign reading “NOT A WINNER. Out of service.” Authorities confirmed the spout was simply the first employee in history to be honest about its capacity. Witnesses reported the neighboring Coke and Pibb nozzles pretending not to notice, which experts say mirrors typical office behavior when a coworker is visibly melting down. The investigation continues, but early theories point to burnout, clogged tubes, and the crushing pressure of serving 200 people who cannot pick a beverage to save their lives. If you also feel “not a winner” today, congratulations. You might just be the only one telling the truth. More updates at eleven. (Ahem, 7-11) #workinprogmess #careersatire

This clip is a great reminder that AI can mimic the sound… but not the soul. Which is also how a lot of career advice works. It’s like karaoke. Fun. Impressive. But no one’s handing you a record deal for it. Real growth requires the part where you sing off-key in front of actual humans who can see you cringe in real time. That’s the whole point. Robots don’t get embarrassed. Humans do. Which is why humans get better. https://lnkd.in/eg42S3cs

If your motivation mysteriously clocked out at 4:45 p.m. last week, this is for you. You are not lazy. You are solar powered and on low battery. Since daylight savings peaced out, a lot of people are suddenly: - Eating dinner at 5:10 - Staring at their laptop like it personally offended them - Scheduling "focus blocks" that look suspiciously like nap time Here is your unofficial SAD survival guide for professionals: 1. Swap your morning alarm for a fake sunrise or a round of applause 2. Keep a desk blanket handy - you are always one meeting away from burrito mode 3. Write your goals in pencil so you can edit them after your next nap 4. Call it a "walking meeting" even if you are just walking to the pantry Remember: you are not unmotivated, you are in winter mode Here is a reframe to hold onto: Energy has seasons just like the weather does. You cannot grow in perpetual sunlight. This time of year is maintenance. Slow down. Reflect. Hibernate wisely. If you need more of this kind of realistic, slightly sarcastic career therapy in your feed, that is what we do every week in Work In Progmess: - satirical headlines - survival guides for modern work - gentle reminders that progress does not always look like movement. 💬 Drop "COZY" in the comments if you want today’s issue, and hit Follow if you want Work In Progmess to keep showing up right when your willpower disappears with the sun.

🚨 Book We Mis(Read) So You Don’t Have To 🚨 #canyouspotthedifferences Left: The Obvious Choice: Timeless Lessons on Success, Profit, and Finding Your Way Right: The Dubious Choice: Pointless Lessons on Losses, Doubt, and Losing Your Way We didn’t earn more or compete less. We earned confusion and competed with ourselves. This week’s accidental takeaway: Sometimes the dubious choice… is. 💡 What’s a book you completely misunderstood (but still quote like you nailed it)? #WorkInProgMess #bookroast #leadershiphumor #satire #careerchaos (Side unsatirical note: You can now pre-order Jonathan Goodman's Unhinged Habits: https://amzn.to/47vkhoM can't wait to see how we can misread this one!)

You can learn everything you need to know about a high schooler by reading their T-shirt. Forget résumés — this is the real self-assessment tool. 👕 “I paused my game to be here.” Translation: Priorities? Clear. Time management? Pending. (But somehow this kid will lead a team one day.) 👕 “Sarcasm is my superpower.” Translation: Feelings exist, but only in the director’s cut. (Will grow up to deliver the best one-liners in the group chat and the boardroom.) 👕 “I don’t do mornings.” Translation: Boundaries. Established. (Remote work will be their Olympic sport.) 👕 “Mentally somewhere else.” Translation: Possibly a visionary. Possibly tired. (Either way, they’re already thinking three levels up.) These shirts are more than sarcasm—they’re identity in progress. A wearable personality test. A cotton billboard that says: “I’m still figuring out who I am, but I’d like you to know I exist.” The funny part? We never really stop wearing them. We just switch from slogans to LinkedIn headlines. From cotton to Canva. From “sarcasm is my superpower” to “passionate about innovation and impact.” Different shirt. Same search for identity. At Work In ProgMess, we call that running The Business of You—learning to build your identity intentionally, not just advertise it. So yeah, your shirt says something about you. But your next chapter? You get to write that one yourself. What did your high school tee shirt say about you?

🎃 This Halloween, beware the scariest monster of them all… The Résumé of Eternal Lies. It walks among us every hiring season. It claims to be “detail-oriented” but hasn’t proofread since 2017. It “thrives under pressure,” which really means “cries silently during Teams calls.” It lists “Microsoft Office” like it’s a rare superpower. And its objective statement has been haunting recruiters since the Bush administration. Remember: it’s not your résumé that’s scary. It’s pretending to be someone you’re not. Happy Halloween from Work In ProgMess, where every career horror story comes with a lesson (and sometimes a scream). 🩸 #WorkInProgMess #Halloween #CareerSatire #LeadershipIsLife #SpookySeason