Overcoming Nervousness as a Woman in Tech

Nearly 30 years into my career, I’m still nervous to speak up in meetings. Most women I know are, too. Here’s what I mean: In team meetings or in larger project reviews in which many of my peers and colleagues are present,  I tell others “there are no dumb questions” and then I think my own questions are dumb. I worry I’ll say the wrong thing. I’m nervous I won’t sound smart. But I’ve come to understand one important thing. It’s something no one is going to tell you, because most people don’t even notice. No one is paying attention. While I’m hashing through these concerns in my own mind, many of the folks around me will miss most of what I say because they are so busy worrying about themselves. They’re *also* concerned about what they might say, and how they will be perceived. They will remember that I spoke, and the tone and confidence I brought, not necessarily what I said. Here’s the thing: We know speaking up in meetings is important, that it is one way we are recognized and perceived to have “executive presence.” So this is what works for me: 1️⃣ Before I enter the room, COMMIT TO MYSELF TO SPEAK. Remind myself to chill out. (Probably do that a lot.) 2️⃣ As soon as a forum for conversation is open, I say something. Often at the start of a conversation, there are easy questions that nearly everyone has. Or a clarifying question that shows you understand a point. Or there’s an opportunity to agree with the speaker and support the work. Jump in early. 3️⃣ Sometimes speaking once is enough to break the ice and lead me to feel more comfortable engaging more deeply in a conversation, great! And sometimes speaking once is all I can summon. Here’s what you have to do then: Congratulate yourself anyhow. I’m serious about this. You have to be your own best cheering squad here. This is a strategy that builds on itself. Over time, people will come to expect your voice in a room, to look for it. You may even become less nervous. But honestly, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you will have built a reputation for yourself as a woman with something to say. I talked about this with Samara Bay, author of Permission to Speak, for a recent episode of Hello Monday. You can check out our convo here: https://lnkd.in/gsUMgwBh But mostly, I’d love to know what helps you. How do you speak up? PS: This is a photo of me trying to ask a question at a conference. Can you tell how scared I was?

The first time I gave a public talk, my hands were shaking so badly that the front row could literally see my paper notes trembling. This was back in 2018, my very first meetup talk. I was terrified. The room went completely quiet… the kind where everyone’s holding their breath, feeling sorry for you. Someone near the front gently said, “Hey, you don’t have to be so nervous. You've got this.” I’ve never forgotten that moment. And here’s the truth even now, I still get nervous. Every. Single. Time. The first few minutes are always the hardest. But over time, I’ve figured out how to get through those first 2 minutes so they don’t get the best of me. Here’s what helps: ✅ 1. Rehearse like you’ll actually be there Say it out loud. Stand up. Move your hands. Wear the shoes you’ll be in. It sounds silly, but it makes a huge difference. Practice until it feels like second nature. ✅ 2. Nail your first 60 seconds Memorize your opening. Know it so well that it flows even if your brain is freaking out. A strong start gives you momentum and calms the butterflies. ✅ 3. Picture it going well Right before I step up, I close my eyes and imagine it going smoothly, clear words, steady voice, maybe even a little applause at the end. It’s like a mental dress rehearsal, and it works. ✅ 4. Breathe low and slow Your breath affects everything: voice, focus, presence. Slow, deep breathing brings you back to center. ✅ 5. Shift the spotlight Most nerves come from thinking, “What will they think of me?” Instead, I ask: “What does this audience need from me right now?” When I focus on the message, not myself, it all gets easier. Also, two game-changers for me: 📌 I ditched paper notes. 📌 And I avoid handheld mics whenever I can (a headset mic = freedom + easier breathing). So no, I haven’t “overcome” the nerves. But I’ve learned how to move through them without letting them stop me. Got your own go-to trick for calming nerves before a talk or important meeting? Drop it below, someone scrolling today probably needs to hear it. #presentationtips #publicspeaking #speaker #leadership #personalbranding

One of the biggest mistakes women make at work is how we speak. We go through school writing papers and exams but do very little to learn how to speak in meetings or give powerful presentations. Executive presence and presenting to others does take a specific skill set, but it's never too late to learn and not as hard as it may feel to you today. Early in my career I started a practice of choosing who I wanted to "sound like" when I spoke outloud. I listened carefully to their intonation and the words they chose. I also had mentors who taught me how present with gravitas and confidence. If I could waive a magic wand and delete the most common patterns of female speech in the workplace, the landscape of female leadership would look very different today. These are the basics you can learn: 1. Don’t raise your voice at the end of the sentence. It sounds like you are asking for a question or approval vs. making a statement 2. Start to say “ I recommend…” when you have a comment in a meeting vs. “I know this may be a dumb idea but….” 3. Get rid of all filler words in your sentences... “I just wanted to say” to “I want to say…” 4. We all say “um” when we are nervous. Next time pause, take a beat, embrace the nano second of silence it takes to find your next word without saying “um”. It may feel like an eternity of silence but i promise no one will ever notice. 5. Slow down your speech. I am notorious for speaking too fast, especially when I am nervous. 6. Take a video of yourself practicing your next conversation with your boss and watch it back. Practice in the mirror. Practice with a friend. Video yourself and watch it back. Let me know in the chat other tips and tricks you use to speak with gravitas.