Challenges of Maintaining Feminine Energy in Male-Dominated Tech

I'm starting to see a pattern among non-men going into software engineering roles. We go into new roles, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, excited to to work in software engineering and learn from those with experience. Until we start asking questions. Quickly, our questions become too much for some of our coworkers and superiors. Instead of being seen as collaborative and open to feedback, we're labeled as overly-dependent, lacking confidence, and sometimes even considered unfit for the jobs we worked so hard for. The more I see this happen to others, the more it becomes clear that this is a form of bias that has gone unaddressed. From the time that we start, we are expected to conform to the way that men interact with one another. Instead of being valued for our enthusiasm and collaborative inclinations, we're expected to be more stoic and told not to ask so many questions. Our enthusiasm is seen as immaturity and our questions are seen as a lack of accountability. To survive, we take the feedback and we internalize it. We adjust our expectations of working in a collaborative environment. We learn to rely less on the people who initially said they would support us. But why? Why is the masculine way of working considered superior, the gold standard we should aspire to? If workplaces continue to reinforce these ideas, I believe there will continue to be low numbers of women and non-men in tech fields. By design, encouraging people to work in isolation is exclusionary. Some people learn and work better through processes like code-pairing and real-time code reviews rather than working in isolation and getting sparse comments on a PR. Some of these people are nonmen. Some of these people are neurodivergent. There is an element of community and collaboration that seems to come late in a software engineer's career. It seems to be the norm to be isolated and work long hours from initiation. Maybe- just maybe- one day some of your coworkers will see how hard you've worked and acknowledge your existence. This way of working isn't healthy for anyone, including men. Young women and nonmen have to look outside of their teams and organizations for support, and to be reassured that they belong there. There are great organizations like the Society of Women Engineers and Rewriting the Code that do just that, but it shouldn't be the only way. We shouldn't be made to feel like we don't belong just because we ask questions. Or just because we don't get it right away. The focus shouldn't be on our confidence or whether we have impostor syndrome. We should be accepted as we are and allowed to exist fully, without having to contort ourselves to fit outdated ideas of what a good software engineer should be. #softwareDevelopment #representationMatters #womenInTech #nonbinaryInTech

I almost cried in public, and it was more than alright. When you hold leadership positions, do you show vulnerability? (the common response today is "yes, it makes you relatable.") Now for a woman that's a double-edged response: It often feels like you don't have room for error or vulnerability, and can get judged as weak.  Add that to being in a male dominated industry like tech. 20 yrs ago, I thought one had to play the corporate game like a man (whatever that means then). May be hard to visualize now but: • Was called a "machine" and "not human" because I drove relentlessly, like I had no feelings or sleep. • Was stoic, couldn't smile (still have an RBF but I try now), was the one you go for "dependability". • Had zero ounce of play, some were worried for my kids because "Andrea is so serious". • Was losing steam rapidly each year, because it's very hard to pretend to be someone who are you are not. • Don't allow one bit of vulnerability to leak through. 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗶𝘁. Today: • I feel my emotions deeply and process them. I even coach others to do so. • I've teared up or cried a few times in public.  No biggie. • I remain passionate and allow that to unleash in times when I want to channel the energy to work on something. • I don't pretend to have it all together. And actively find pockets of time to rest, relax and yes, play. • I remain grounded, but learn not to take myself so seriously. • Not embarrassed when working my energy & schedule around my period and its symptoms. I think the world is still trying to understand what female leadership looks like - and that is not a female version of a male leader. What I look to do instead is understand what female leadership feels like and how she expresses herself.  What is your own version? If it helps, here's a peek to what it can entail when you shift your energy to what is aligned to being you: • A new burst of energy • Learn to nurture and take care of your own internal creative • New possibilities and visions • Release "should" goals (or just goals in general) • A preference for deepening and loving your treasured relationships • Grow teams based on utilising their individual potential and strengths (when you see your team for who they truly are, watch them blossom) • You pave the way for others and/or your children • You kick ass • Learn to do nothing and be still to trust your intuition • Shift the energies of teams or spaces that you have been given the opportunity to do so.    Is there anything else you would add? ------- 👋 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯.  𝘙𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯-𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯.  𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦> Andrea T. #undilutedbyAT #thoughtleadership #femaleleadership  

You can’t be what you can’t see. Yet female leaders face this reality daily. The challenge is real: - You scan the leadership team and see no reflection of yourself. - No model of what female leadership looks like in your organization. - No blueprint for how to advance while staying true to yourself. This creates an unspoken pressure: Should I adopt traditionally masculine leadership traits? Or do I risk being overlooked by staying true to my authentic self? This is a dilemma I hear from women in tech time and again. Here’s 7 research-backed ways to lead authentically:  (even when there’s no path to follow) 1. Recognize the Authenticity Advantage ↳ Women consistently score higher than men on key leadership skills (HBR, 2019) ↳ Conforming only recreates the gaps we already see 2. Identify Your Leadership Values ↳ Women are 20% less likely to receive actionable feedback (HBR, 2021) ↳ Write down the values that anchor your own leadership style 3. Find Models Beyond Your Organization ↳ Build a "personal board of directors" from mentors, peers, and leaders across industries (HBR, 2022) ↳ If you don't see women ahead of you, look outward 4. Lead With Strengths, Not Stereotypes ↳ Women are called "too aggressive" for behaviours men are praised for(McKinsey & Lean In, 2023) ↳ Reframe your natural strengths — collaboration, empathy, adaptability — as leadership assets 5. Create Psychological Safety for Yourself ↳ Women are twice as likely as men to be mistaken for someone junior (McKinsey, 2021) ↳ Build allies and support systems who reinforce your voice and credibility 6. Model What Others Need to See ↳ 50% of women abandon tech careers by age 35, leaving at a 45% higher rate than men (Accenture & Girls Who Code, 2020) ↳ Your authentic leadership isn't just for you — it creates possibility for those who come after you 7. Challenge the Broken Rung ↳ Only 87 women are promoted to manager for every 100 men (McKinsey & Lean In, 2023) ↳ Advocate for yourself early — the first step up to management sets the tone for your entire career trajectory The path may not exist yet. But you do have a choice to create it. What aspect of authentic leadership feels most challenging for you? P.S. I’m looking for two women to join me this September in my Calm & Confident Career Program, where I help women in tech land new roles and get promoted. DM me ‘ready’ to learn more. 📩 If you enjoyed this content, you might like my newsletter here: https://lnkd.in/g6PUXtCc __ ♻️ Repost to support women carving new leadership paths. 🔔 Follow me Rachel Park for more posts on career & wellbeing. 

🔥 "I really think we need to punctuate that the systems need to change rather than all of us accommodating systems that weren't built for us." That was my comment (NB: with nerves, which usual my signal that the thing I'm saying probably needs to be said) from the audience at last week's Triangle Business Journal Empowered Women's Forum. And it got applause From both the crowd and panelists The finance panel was discussing familiar advice. Learn golf - Read sports pages - Drink scotch Adapt to fit in strategies Adapt to make men more comfortable in your presence (when you must learn to live in discomfort) But when we do this, we're reinforcing the very barriers we claim to want to break. At QuantumBloom, we see this every day in STEM. Women are told to: -Network like men -Lead like men -Even think like men (WWJD - What Would Josh Do?) And TBH, sometimes, these are useful thought exercises. I use WWJD a lot to help shake women from limited thinking or playing small. But, it's time for a new playbook. Because despite the gains we've achieved, they are woefully unacceptable. And women are still fighting for scraps. The result? 76% of women with engineering degrees don't work in engineering. 62% of women with computer science degrees aren't in tech jobs. 68% of women leave STEM by 30. Finance? Law? Other male-dominated industries? Same patterns. We're not just losing talent. We're losing the diverse perspectives that drive innovation. And as one panelist noted, male VCs often admit they "wouldn't know what to say to a woman over a beer." This funding bias is exactly why we're bootstrapping QuantumBloom rather than navigating a VC environment that's often hostile to women founders. We're proving our model works first. Then we'll scale on our terms. I love when LaChaun Banks said "I realize going against the status quo is going to make people uncomfortable,” (a-hem, discomfort is where growth happens). "When I am who I am, other people can see that." H/T to all those role modeling authenticity! That's what we're building at QuantumBloom - workplaces where women can show up authentically and thrive, not just survive. Thanks to the TBJ and Lauren Ohnesorge for the coverage and to all at the event for stimulating important conversations. #WomenInSTEM #SystemicChange #Authenticity #QuantumBloom #WomenFounders