Approaches to Building Trust When Stress Levels Rise

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

I once worked with a team that was, quite frankly, toxic. The same two team members routinely derailed meeting agendas. Eye-rolling was a primary form of communication. Side conversations overtook the official discussion. Most members had disengaged, emotionally checking out while physically present. Trust was nonexistent. This wasn't just unpleasant—it was preventing meaningful work from happening. The transformation began with a deceptively simple intervention: establishing clear community agreements. Not generic "respect each other" platitudes, but specific behavioral norms with concrete descriptions of what they looked like in practice. The team agreed to norms like "Listen to understand," "Speak your truth without blame or judgment," and "Be unattached to outcome." For each norm, we articulated exactly what it looked like in action, providing language and behaviors everyone could recognize. More importantly, we implemented structures to uphold these agreements. A "process observer" role was established, rotating among team members, with the explicit responsibility to name when norms were being upheld or broken during meetings. Initially, this felt awkward. When the process observer first said, "I notice we're interrupting each other, which doesn't align with our agreement to listen fully," the room went silent. But within weeks, team members began to self-regulate, sometimes even catching themselves mid-sentence. Trust didn't build overnight. It grew through consistent small actions that demonstrated reliability and integrity—keeping commitments, following through on tasks, acknowledging mistakes. Meeting time was protected and focused on meaningful work rather than administrative tasks that could be handled via email. The team began to practice active listening techniques, learning to paraphrase each other's ideas before responding. This simple practice dramatically shifted the quality of conversation. One team member later told me, "For the first time, I felt like people were actually trying to understand my perspective rather than waiting for their turn to speak." Six months later, the transformation was remarkable. The same team that once couldn't agree on a meeting agenda was collaboratively designing innovative approaches to their work. Conflicts still emerged, but they were about ideas rather than personalities, and they led to better solutions rather than deeper divisions. The lesson was clear: trust doesn't simply happen through team-building exercises or shared experiences. It must be intentionally cultivated through concrete practices, consistently upheld, and regularly reflected upon. Share one trust-building practice that's worked well in your team experience. P.S. If you’re a leader, I recommend checking out my free challenge: The Resilient Leader: 28 Days to Thrive in Uncertainty  https://lnkd.in/gxBnKQ8n

Trust is not something you have, but something you do. 6 proven ways to build unshakeable trust with your team, TODAY: (Sample situations and scripts are included) 1. Say what you do. Minimize surprises. ➜Why: Consistency in communication ensures everyone is on the same page, reducing uncertainties and building reliability. ➜Situation: After a meeting, promptly send out a summary of what was agreed upon, including the next steps, owners, and deadlines. ➜Script: "Thank you for the productive meeting. As discussed, here are our next steps with respective owners and deadlines. Please review and let me know if any clarifications are needed." 2. Do what you say. Deliver on commitments. ➜Why: Keeping your word demonstrates dependability and earns you respect and trust. ➜Situation: Regularly update stakeholders on the project's progress. Send out a report showing the project is on track, and proactively communicate any potential risks. ➜Script: "Here's the latest project update. We're on track with our milestones. I've also identified some potential risks and our mitigation strategies." 3. Extend the bridge of trust. Assume good intent. ➜Why: Trust grows in a culture of understanding and empathy. Giving others the benefit of the doubt fosters a supportive and trusting environment. ➜Situation: If a team member misses an important meeting, approach them with concern and understanding instead of jumping to conclusions. ➜Script: "I noticed you weren’t at today’s meeting, [Name]. I hope everything is okay. We discussed [key topics]. Let me know if you need a recap or if there's anything you want to discuss or add." 4. Be transparent in communication, decision-making, and admitting mistakes. ➜Why: Honesty in sharing information and rationale behind decisions strengthens trust. ➜Situation: Be clear about the reasoning behind key decisions, especially in high-stakes situations. ➜Script: "I want everyone to understand why we made this decision. Here are the factors we considered and how they align with our objectives..." 5. Champion inclusivity. Engage and value all voices. ➜Why: Inclusivity ensures a sense of belonging and respect, which is foundational for trust. ➜Situation: Encourage diverse viewpoints in team discussions, ensuring everyone feels their input is valued and heard. ➜Script: Example Script: "I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this, [Name]. Your perspective is important to our team." 6. Be generous. Care for others. ➜Why: Offering support and resources to others without expecting anything in return cultivates a culture of mutual trust and respect. ➜Situation: Proactively offer assistance or share insights to help your colleagues. ➜Script: "I see you’re working on [project/task]. I have some resources from a similar project I worked on that might be helpful for you." PS: Trust Is Hard-Earned, Easily Lost, Difficult To Reestablish...Yet Absolutely Foundational. Image Credit: BetterUp . com

I recently sat in on an executive team’s weekly meeting, listening to a report-out from one of the business units. The team was clearly in trouble. Metrics were lagging. Customer complaints were up. And worse, you could feel the tension. It was polite on the surface, but the moment the slides ended, the blame started. “We’re not getting enough support from product.” “Sales keeps overpromising.” “People just aren’t accountable.” I’ve seen this movie before. A team starts missing targets, and instead of pulling together, they turn on each other. The instinct is to protect your lane, control what you can, and avoid being the one to blame. So I asked a question I knew would make everyone uncomfortable: “If we’re honest, how much of this is about the metrics, and how much is about how we’re leading right now?” Silence. Eyes on the table. Then, slowly, the truth started to surface. One leader admitted he’d been micromanaging because he was afraid of more surprises. Another said she’d stopped giving feedback because it never felt safe to disagree. Someone else confessed they were spending more time defending their function than solving problems. It was the first real moment of honesty we’d had in weeks. And it made me think about how often we default to control when things get hard: More status updates. More dashboards. More layers of approval. But control doesn’t build trust. It doesn’t create safety. It doesn’t help people do their best work. So instead of another round of slides and excuses, we tried something different. We used a version of the Stress Test described in Keith Ferrazzi’s excellent book, Never Lead Alone. The exec team abandoned their normal 25 page QBR "death by powerpoint" deck, instead used a short, focused document, three pages, answering three questions: What have we achieved? Where are we struggling? What’s coming next? No big group presentation. No polished deck. Just small groups, honest conversation, and space to ask the real questions: What are we afraid of? Where are we avoiding accountability? What would we try if we weren’t worried about failing? By the end of the session, the team looked different. People were still concerned - but they were no longer performing for each other. They were problem-solving WITH each other. It was a reminder: If you want to raise psychological safety by miles, you don’t need another training. You need to stop managing perception and start surfacing truth. So much of leadership comes down to one simple shift: Move from large-group presentations to small-group conversations. It sounds obvious. But it’s one of the hardest, and most transformational changes you can make. Because when people feel safe enough to admit what isn’t working, they finally have the freedom to fix it. What’s one place this week where you could trade control for trust?