Empathic Listening and Response

I got to train 75 managers in how to hold Tough Conversations and how to Lead with Emotional Intelligence this week. One of the hardest moments they identified was when a team member shared a situation with a strong emotion like, 💬 "I just applied for a promotion and didn't get it again." or 💬"I've been waiting for 6 months for a development opportunity and am still waiting." or 💬"I'm struggling with personal challenges at home." The initial reaction was to want to say, "How can I help you navigate this?" or "How can I support?" These are great responses motivated to 1) help the person and 2) find a solution. But, people feel relief not because of what you do but because of the connection you make with them. In fact, jumping to a solution without acknowledging how they're feeling can intensify the feelings of being misunderstood or not supported. This is where empathy is so powerful. By taking a moment to make a statement to acknowledge the person's emotion they are feeling in the situation, we can help them feel seen, heard, and connected to. This might sound like, 💬"That's a really frustrating situation. I know how hard it is to go after an opportunity and not get it." or 💬"I know how much work you've put in to be selected for this opportunity. I'm sorry you haven't gotten the result you wanted." or 💬"I'd love to hear more. Are you willing to share with me about your situation?" By identifying with someone's emotion or asking questions to give them space to share how they're feeling, we create connection, build trust, show them support, and can help de-escalate the feelings they are experiencing. Do you have any tips for expressing empathy when a team member shares a hard situation or emotion? #leadershipdevelopment #emotionalintelligence #empathy

The Meaning of Communication Is the Response You Get In my previous post, I talked about resilience and adaptability. Today, I want to explore how Customer Experience (CX) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) work together to create impactful and lasting customer interactions. As both a CX professional and NLP Master Practitioner, I’ve learned that it’s not just about metrics like NPS or CSAT; it’s about understanding the deeper reasons behind how customers speak and act, especially when they are upset or angry. This is where one key NLP presupposition comes into play: “The meaning of communication is the response you get.” In CX, it’s crucial to realize that no matter how well-intended our communication is, the true measure of success lies in the customer's response. Their reaction—whether positive or negative—determines whether we’ve succeeded in delivering a positive experience. Here’s how applying NLP principles can elevate CX, particularly when it comes to building rapport with angry customers: Active Listening: When a customer is upset, they often want to feel heard and validated. By actively listening—not just to their words but to their tone and emotions—we can better understand their frustrations. This approach shows that we genuinely care about their concerns, which can help defuse anger and create a sense of connection. Empathy and Validation: Acknowledging a customer's feelings is crucial. Phrases like, “I understand why you’re upset” or “That sounds really frustrating” can go a long way. This validation reassures them that their emotions are recognized and that we are on their side, working towards a resolution. Mirroring and Matching: Subtly mirroring the customer’s tone and body language can create a sense of rapport. If a customer is speaking passionately or with frustration, matching that energy (while maintaining professionalism) can help them feel understood. This technique can ease tension and create a more conducive environment. Offering Solutions: Once rapport is established, it is important to focus on solutions to ease the customer’s frustration. “Here is what I can do to fix this” helps shift the conversion from frustration to reassurance. Follow-Up: After resolving the issue, following up with the customer demonstrates that we value their relationship. A simple message to check in shows commitment to their satisfaction and can turn a negative experience into a positive one, strengthening loyalty. Blending CX frameworks with NLP insights doesn’t just improve customer interactions; it also enhances internal communication, leadership, and collaboration, nurturing a truly customer-centric culture. How are you applying human psychology in your customer strategies? Have you had moments where truly understanding a customer’s emotions made all the difference? I’d love to hear your thoughts! #customerexperience #strategicgrowth

In the fast-paced world of business, every interaction with a customer is an opportunity to build trust, strengthen relationships, and drive loyalty. However, not every conversation is smooth sailing. Difficult conversations, whether they involve handling complaints, delivering bad news, or negotiating terms, are inevitable. What separates good companies from great ones is the ability to navigate these conversations with empathy and emotional awareness. In my experience, whether in B2B or B2C companies, recognizing and understanding the emotional state of a customer during a difficult conversation is critical. Here’s why: 😬 Emotions Drive Decisions: Customers, like all of us, are driven by emotions. Whether they are frustrated, disappointed, or anxious, these feelings can heavily influence their decisions and perceptions of your company. 🤝 Building Trust: Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, and it’s especially critical during challenging times. When you demonstrate that you understand and care about your customer’s feelings, you foster a sense of trust. Customers who feel heard and valued are more likely to stay loyal, even when things don’t go as planned. 😐 De-escalating Tensions: Difficult conversations often come with heightened emotions. If left unchecked, these emotions can escalate, leading to a breakdown in communication. By tuning into your customer’s emotional state, you can take proactive steps to de-escalate the situation. 🔎 Finding Solutions Together: When emotions run high, problem-solving can take a backseat. However, by recognizing and addressing the emotional aspect of the conversation, you can shift the focus back to finding solutions. 😁 Enhancing Customer Experience: Ultimately, every interaction contributes to the overall customer experience. Even in difficult situations, a positive empathetic approach can turn a potentially negative experience into a memorable one. When approaching a difficult conversation, pull the “LEVER” to managing your customer emotional state. Listen Actively Elicit Open-Ended Questions Validate Their Feelings Exhibit a Calm and Composed Demeanor Respond with Empathy and Solutions Remember it’s not just about resolving the issue, it’s about making your customers feel valued and respected throughout their journey. And that’s where true long-term customer loyalty begins. What techniques have you used or recommend, comment 👇 👇 👇 #poweredbypeople #GSD #customerexperience #empathy #emotionalintelligence #customersuccess

#ThursdayThought "Why is it always about you?" my daughter interrupted me, her voice loud. Just five minutes earlier, she had been venting about her overwhelming homework load and the pressures of club fundraising. I had responded with what I thought was a supportive anecdote: "I had even more homework in high school back in China. It's all about time management. If you manage your time effectively, you can get everything done." I believed I was being encouraging, sharing my experiences to help her. But in that moment of her outburst, I realized something crucial: once again, I had made it about me. To her, my response felt like I was the hero of the story, and she was left feeling small and unheard. This happened a few years ago, but the lesson remains fresh in my mind. I had failed to listen actively. As a mentor and coach, I've since learned the vital importance of active listening, a lesson my daughter taught me. Here are three key insights I've gained from that experience: 1. Empathy Over Solutions: Often, people don't want solutions right away. They want empathy. Their emotions need to be validated. 2. Ask, Don't Tell: Instead of jumping in with answers, asking thoughtful questions can help the other person find their own solutions. This empowers them and shows that you value their perspective. 3. Offer Suggestions Sparingly: Suggestions can be helpful, but only after the person has had the chance to explore their own ideas. Uninvited advice is not welcome. As a leader, I often want to jump in to help my team members when they face obstacles managing their projects. I've applied these active listening skills in coaching them—using the same formula. First, I show empathy. Second, I give them space and ask open-ended questions to help them find their own solutions. Lastly, I add some of my own suggestions only after they have exhausted their own ideas. In this way, they develop their problem-solving skills and feel proud of their achievements. And as their coach, I share in that pride. =========================== Lucy Chen, award-winning author and human potential coach (I specialize in guiding individuals to build resilience and achieve success—reach out through DMs to explore collaborative opportunities on your transformative journey.) (To order my book, https://lnkd.in/gmb4_WrA) #BuildResilience #BookWriting #GiftedCoaching #ActiveListening #Empathy #Leadership

In a world bustling with surface-level interactions, the rarity of deep conversations often leaves many of us yearning for more substantial connections. Despite our innate desire for profound interactions, we frequently find ourselves trapped in the maze of superficial exchanges. One of the fundamental barriers lies not in the questions we ask, but in our ability, or rather inability, to truly listen—to listen not just to words, but to the emotions and feelings that underpin them.   At the heart of this issue is the psychological challenge of reflective listening. Reflective listening is more than just a skill; it's an art that requires us to be fully present, empathetically engaged, and sincerely interested in the person we are communicating with. In our fast-paced, distraction-laden world, our minds are often elsewhere during conversations. This lack of presence means we are listening to respond, rather than listening to understand. Consequently, conversations skim the surface, rarely touching the depths of what the other person truly wishes to express.   Moreover, societal norms and our own insecurities play a significant role in shaping the depth of our conversations. Many of us fear being vulnerable or judged, leading us to erect barriers that keep our true feelings and thoughts safely hidden. This fear of vulnerability is mirrored in our listening habits—we shy away from engaging deeply with someone else's emotions, perhaps because it feels too intimate, or because we fear not knowing how to respond appropriately.   The solution to transcending these barriers does not lie in crafting more intelligent questions. Rather, it lies in developing our capacity to listen empathetically. This involves tuning into not just the words being spoken, but also the emotions and unspoken feelings behind them. It means creating a safe space where the other person feels heard, understood, and accepted. This kind of listening fosters trust and opens the door to conversations that delve beneath the surface.   Empathetic listening requires us to set aside our judgments and preconceptions, allowing us to connect with the person on a human level, beyond the boundaries of our own experiences and perspectives. It involves paying attention to non-verbal cues—tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language—which often communicate more than words.   By honing our ability to listen deeply—to emotions, feelings, and the unsaid—we can break down the psychological barriers that often confine our interactions to the superficial. In doing so, we open ourselves up to a world of richer, more fulfilling connections that resonate with the core of our human experience.   #listening #meaningfulconversations #leadership

Empathic listening is my barometer for how I am doing  Some people are naturally good listeners. My wife, for example. She seems to listen intently to whomever she is speaking with. I think I am naturally more of a talker. I have a lot to say and I look forward to throwing in my two cents. Training was a perfect fit. Coaching requires something from me that is not as natural: deep, empathic listening. Listening can be done at three different levels: Level 1: Selective listening. How does this affect me? Is it even relevant to me? If yes, I will tune in. If not, I can continue to be focused on my inner talk track. Level 2: Active listening. I am listening to you, and I really want to understand the content of what you are saying. So I am an active participant. I ask clarifying questions and summarize or paraphrase to make sure I really get what you are saying. Level 3: Empathic listening. This includes Level 2 but goes further. I am listening for content and for meaning. I key in on things like tone, facial expressions, eye movements, pauses and especially emotions. What are they feeling? Why are they feeling that? What has not been said that is wanting to be expressed? As a coach, if I am listening at Level 3, great things always happen. I ask just the right question at the right time. Or I share an insight or observation that is spot on. It is not because I am smart. It is simply because I am listening to my client in a deep way. They are getting all my attention because I want to understand them as fully as possible. Guess what? This same principle applies in my personal life. When I am selectively listening to my friends or loved ones, they sense it and there is a distance between us. When I choose to listen to them with all of me, something changes, and we really connect. They sense it and appreciate it. Empathic listening is my barometer for how I am doing in business and life. When I am failing to do it, it usually means that I am stressed or tired or insecure and I need to take action to build up my reserves in these areas. And I know how to recharge myself in these areas. But the goal is to be as fully present as possible for each person I interact with. 

Empathy isn’t a natural response for most. Yet it’s something we all crave. When I speak and teach about empathy, leaders start responding about what they need to 𝘥𝘰—listen better, ask more questions, offer help. And quickly, it turns into performance. The focus turns inward: 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺? 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? Empathy isn’t about proving yourself. Empathy is offering someone else the dignity of their experience without rushing to explain it, reshape it, or solve it. It’s about being 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩, not doing 𝘧𝘰𝘳. For leaders, this feels counterintuitive. We’re trained to act, to clarify, to control. But empathy requires something different: slowing down, quieting ego, and releasing the need to be useful in the moment. That’s no small ask. It’s also what makes empathy one of the most powerful leadership skills we have. When you meet someone in their experience without editing it, you send a message: I see you. I hear you. I value where you are right now. That moment—simple as it seems—is the foundation of trust. It’s what frees people to speak openly, own their challenges, and bring more of themselves to the work ahead. Empathy lives in the space between words. Sometimes all your team needs is your presence, not your plan. Notice which one is taking the lead. Then ask yourself: Whose outlook am I serving? Keep growing. ---- CARE is the activator of leadership: Curiosity. Adaptability. Resilience. Empathy.

Jancee Dunn's insightful article in the NYT's Well Section, "When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question," sparked a profound realization for me. It was a simple question often posed to emotionally overwhelmed students: "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?" This question served as my a-ha moment. For as long as I can remember, I've been solution-oriented—a natural problem solver. While this trait has its merits, I've come to acknowledge that not everyone seeks immediate solutions. I've learned that listening, understanding, and empathizing are equally valuable. A constant reminder of this lesson is a screenshot of the quote on my desktop background. Though I may not ask the question verbatim, I've become more mindful of resisting the urge to immediately offer solutions in conversations with clients, candidates, or colleagues. For instance, in delivering client feedback to a candidate, I now inquire, "Are you comfortable with me sharing direct feedback with you?" In discussions about resumes, I precede any suggestions with, "Would you like me to share my thoughts on how you can strengthen your resume?" It's a work in progress, and I recognize the need for conscious effort in rewiring my default response pattern.  #empathy #feedback #style

in your negotiations, are you listening or just waiting to speak? Switch to deep listening for better outcomes   Here’s what you need to know.   → Just listen (pun intended)   But not just any listening—listen the right way.   I used to think I was a good listener. Here’s what I did wrong:   🔹 Surface Listening: ↳ Catch the gist, then refocus on my own thoughts.   🔹 Rebuttal Listening: ↳ Listen just enough to argue back.   The game changer:   → 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 It unveils hidden priorities, keeps them engaged, shows genuine interest, fosters reciprocity, and enhances effectiveness, leading to superior negotiation results.   These are the three keys to Discovery Listening:   1️⃣ Rational Listening:  Want to truly understand someone? Ask yourself, "Why does this make sense to them?" Dive into their logic, even if it feels absurd.   2️⃣ Emotional Listening:  Spot the hidden feelings driving their arguments. Tune into their tone, body language, and words.   3️⃣ Empathetic Listening:  Uncover their deeper motivations and unspoken dynamics. Step into their shoes, see their worldview and understand what truly drives their stance.   When conversations get tense with "𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵" or "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥," both parties become defensive. Discovery listening avoids this.   𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴:   ➡️ You discover deeper issues and priorities often masked by surface demands.   ➡️ You stay present and dig deeper to uncover true motivations and needs.   ➡️ You show genuine interest, which releases brain chemicals that improve mood and rational thinking.   ➡️ You foster reciprocity, making counterparts more receptive.   ➡️ This positive state will make you more effective, leading to better deals.   𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 is the quickest way to reach a positive state and achieve better negotiation outcomes.   𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.   How can Discovery Listening help you in your next negotiations?   #NegotiationByDesign #Negotiation #Listening

Recently, I was knotted in frustration dealing with my older sister who is in a rehab facility. Due to some medical issues, she can't walk or transfer from her bed to her wheelchair without assistance. Despite this, she insists on returning to her assisted living facility where she won't have the support she needs. My sister has always been stubborn and not particularly realistic. She likes to bend fate, believing she can overcome any obstacle with sheer willpower. Normally, her tenacity is her strength. But now her stubbornness was hurting her. When I tried to reason with her, she became angry and accused me of being negative about her health and needs. I ended our call. I felt kicked in the gut and exhausted. At the same time, I felt sorry for her. She didn't want to recognize her changed circumstances. I realized that sometimes no amount of reasoning can change someone's mind if they don't want to acknowledge reality. The next day I called her and just listened. The conversation went much better. This experience taught me a valuable lesson about the difficulty of acknowledging change in our lives. Often, we don't want to face what's right in front of us. But if we want to grow and adapt, we need to confront these realities. So, how do you talk to someone who doesn’t want to face the facts? Listen Actively: Sometimes, people just need to be heard. Let them express their feelings and fears without interrupting or trying to correct them. Empathize: Show understanding and compassion for their situation. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know you care. Provide Support: Offer help and support rather than solutions. Sometimes, being there for someone is more effective than trying to fix the problem for them. Be Patient: Change takes time. Give them the space they need to come to terms with their situation at their own pace. Of course, saying all this is easier than acting this way in the moment. But it's important to remember that change is difficult to admit. We can't force anyone to accept it until they're ready to do so. How have you handled situations where reasoning didn't work? #change #empathy #growth