Active Listening for Emotional Management

When tension spikes, control feels safe—but it usually shuts people down. Real leadership is nervous system → then conversation. –Presence over proving. –Listening over fixing. (Yes, even when you’re right 😉) Quick data check: Emotional Intelligence: A McKinsey study (2022) emphasized that emotionally intelligent leaders—those capable of self-regulation, empathy, and mindful presence—are significantly more effective, increasing team engagement and productivity by up to 50%. Translation: when we’re rushed or dysregulated, we miss things people are trying to say. People only hear parts of the dialogue and your brain is programmed to choose the negative part and workplace conflict and misunderstanding increases. When we develop our executive presence, we navigate conflict with intentional skills. Micro-Shift Playbook: 1. Downshift your body (10 seconds). Long exhale, shoulder drop, soften jaw. Your nervous system is the volume knob for your voice. 2. Lead with listening. “Here’s what I heard… did I get it right?” (Reflect, then ask one clean question.) Research keeps showing that teams where people can safely speak up perform better—because listening unlocks learning and better outcomes. 3. Name the shared aim. “Our goal is safe care + a sane shift. What’s the smallest next step?” Trade control for clarity. As Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Use plain words and confirm agreements. (Brené Brown) Say-this-instead scripts (steal these): “I want to understand before I solve. Tell me more.” “Let me slow down and replay what I heard…” “What feels most urgent to you right now?” “I can feel my stress climbing—give me 10 seconds to reset so I can listen well.” Why it works: calm bodies create calm rooms. Active listening isn’t soft—it’s a clinical skill that reduces errors, improves teamwork, and builds trust under pressure. (NCBI) Try it today: before your next tense exchange, do the 10-second downshift, mirror back one sentence, ask one question, and agree on one next step. That’s nervous system–friendly leadership in action. PS: If this resonates, comment “LISTEN” and I’ll share my one-page Deep Listening Under Pressure cheat sheet.

Memoirs of a Gully Boys Episode 37: #EmotionalIntelligence – The Key to Meaningful Leadership Leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution; it’s about understanding, connecting with, and inspiring people. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage not only your emotions but also those of others. Over the years, I’ve learned that while technical skills can get you started, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you ahead. Leading with Empathy During a critical system overhaul, one of my most skilled team members began missing deadlines and appearing disengaged. Instead of reprimanding him, I called for a private conversation. It turned out he was struggling with a personal issue that was affecting his focus. Rather than pushing harder, I offered him flexibility and reassigned some tasks to lighten his load. Within weeks, his performance rebounded, and his gratitude translated into renewed dedication to the project. Lesson 1: Empathy isn’t a weakness in leadership—it’s the strength that builds loyalty and trust. The Art of Active Listening In a client negotiation years ago, tensions were high due to differing expectations. The meeting began with both sides defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of countering every point, I focused on actively listening to their concerns without interrupting. Once they felt heard, their stance softened, and we found common ground to move forward. That day, I realized that listening is not just about hearing words—it’s about understanding emotions, intentions, and the bigger picture. Lesson 2: Active listening dissolves barriers and creates pathways for collaboration. Regulating Emotions in High-Stress Situations During a complex software migration, an unexpected system failure triggered panic among stakeholders. As the project lead, I felt the pressure mounting. However, instead of reacting impulsively, I paused, analyzed the situation, and communicated a clear action plan. Keeping emotions in check not only reassured the team but also set the tone for a calm and focused recovery effort. The project was back on track within days, and the team’s confidence grew as a result. Lesson 3: Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about channeling them effectively to lead under pressure. The Power of Recognition Emotional intelligence also lies in recognizing and appreciating people’s contributions. During a grueling project, I made it a point to acknowledge every team member’s effort, no matter how small. The simple act of recognition boosted morale and created a sense of shared ownership. When the project was completed successfully, the celebration felt more collective than individual—a testament to the power of emotional intelligence in fostering unity. Lesson 4: Recognition fuels motivation and strengthens connections within teams. Closing Thoughts Emotional intelligence is the bridge between leadership and humanity. To be continued...

💛 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗼𝗻: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 💛 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 often brings to mind confidence, charisma, and the ability to command a room. But true presence goes beyond merely speaking well—it’s about 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 and 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺. 💛I love the 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿 "𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻" (“聽“ pronounced tīng). Listening is an art. The character symbolizes listening with our ear (耳) as you would pay attention to the king (王) 👑 a call to elevate listening to royal importance. In listening, we observing with our eyes (目) and listening from the heart (心), giving full focus on the person (ten is completion) (十). 💛 𝗔𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘁 𝗠𝗲𝗵𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗮𝗻’𝘀 𝟳-𝟯𝟴-𝟱𝟱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 Words account for only 7% of our spoken message, while 38% comes from tone and voice, and a massive 55% from body language. If leaders listen only to words, they miss over 90% of what’s truly being communicated! To genuinely connect, we must tune in not just to the content but also to the tone, emotions, and unspoken signals in the room. Too often, leaders default to delivering a message one way, projecting their ideas without tuning into the signals around them. When we read our audience with an open mind and heart, we get a clearer picture of what’s really happening within our teams, with our customers, and throughout our organization. Actively listening is how we adapt and thrive. 💛 That is why coaching is the foundation of strong leadership. Before I launched my leadership programs, I began with an International Coaching Federation (ICF) coach certification program. Learning to listen at every level—words, body language, and tone—means that as leaders, we don’t just give instructions; we hear and understand. And that’s how we truly lead. 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲: 👑 #𝟭 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 Focus fully on the speaker—eye contact, nodding, and an open posture signal that you’re present. Listen not to respond but to understand. 👑 #𝟮 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 Be attuned to shifts in tone and pace. Often, emotions tell us more than the words themselves. 👑 #𝟯 𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁 Recap what you’ve understood and check if you got it right. This shows respect, encourages open dialogue, and ensures you’re truly on the same page. "𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚, 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩." 𝘼𝙣𝙣𝙚 𝙋𝙝𝙚𝙮 How do you practice listening as a leader? Share your thoughts below! #ExecutivePresence #Listen #LeadershipSkills #Coaching #Speaker #Leadership #Trainer #Coach #trust

Lately, I’ve been training myself to intentionally listen to people— to deeply engage and listen. Guess what... It starts with deep concentration. Removing distractions— both external (all the noise around you) and internal (those overpowering thoughts that try to hold onto your opinion). That internal noise can almost drown out the words of the person you're talking to. Deep concentration is the foundation. Empathy is the second—putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective. I remind myself, whenever my mind drifts: "LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN." "Kunle, listen to her..." Here’s what else has helped me: → Be fully present. Not just hearing words, but giving your full attention. → Reflect and clarify. Ask questions or paraphrase to ensure understanding. → Hold back judgment. Don’t rush to offer your opinion or solutions. → Give non-verbal feedback. A nod or "I see" signals you’re there. The more I practice this, the better the connections I make. Active listening isn’t just about words. It’s about understanding. ↳ Deep concentration. ↳ Empathy. ↳ Patience. === 📩 Subscribe to the Conscious Commerce newsletter for more insights on: commerce + wellness + leadership ↳ Delivered every Tuesday → subscribe.2xecommerce.com