Developing Patience in Conflict

Think negotiating with tough CEOs is hard? Try teenagers. My son put my negotiation skills to shame—until I adapted. Teenagers: the ultimate test of your negotiation prowess. They push boundaries, question authority, and force you to confront your own limitations. My son Mateo turned every conversation into a standoff, making me realize how fragile my so-called “professional” negotiation tactics were. But here’s the surprising upside: the methods I developed to survive his teenage years now serve me brilliantly in the boardroom. 1️⃣⁠ ⁠Reacting gets you nowhere. When Mateo challenged me—over curfews, chores, or screen time—my initial instinct was to push back hard. But strong-arming never worked. Instead, I learned to approach him with clarity, setting limits grounded in understanding rather than threat. 2️⃣⁠ ⁠Anger is a signal, not a strategy. Anger often told me I felt disrespected or unheard. But lashing out only escalated tensions. By recognizing anger as a helpful alarm, not a battle cry, I could address underlying issues with a calm, constructive approach. 3️⃣ ⁠Communication is key. As Jack Kornfield said: "𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭. 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘶𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭." Break it down: ✅ Pause before speaking: ↳ Don’t react; reflect. ✅ ⁠Be kind and compassionate: ↳ Hold space for others’ struggles. ✅ Speak truthfully and helpfully: ↳ Build trust. ✅ Choose the right time: ↳ Timing is everything. ✅ Practice, practice, practice: ↳ Make it a habit. Set limits with kindness, listen to your anger, and communicate mindfully. This is how you negotiate effectively, whether with teenagers or in the boardroom. These lessons transformed conflicts into conversations. They taught me to lead with empathy, patience, and strategy—at home and at work. The results?  Fewer battles, deeper understanding, and more meaningful agreements. Parenting a teenager is the ultimate negotiation bootcamp. What’s your toughest negotiation challenge right now? Share below—let’s learn from each other.

I've been thinking more about the concept of self-regulation again, especially after my last post where I shared that exercise served me very well when it came to stress management. https://lnkd.in/gpHD6GNa A colleague asked: “I'm curious to know more about how mindfulness could work in tandem with physical exercise. Are there any strategies you've encountered for integrating the two, perhaps for those who aren't naturally inclined towards athletics?” This got me thinking,especially since exercise served me better in my younger days. I've found that with all of the interpersonal dynamics that occur within any team, a method for self-regulation is essential for the leader to stay above the fray. Imagine you are leading a meeting and after gaining all the concurrence you need, one individual objects, claiming there is a better way to tackle the challenge. At first, you might feel challenged. You don’t know why, but now something is stirring within you that you can’t seem to control. “Why does this person always have to…they are never satisfied!” That emotion, deep within your limbic system, is causing some physiological response to somehow protect you, or maybe your ego. If you are able to take a step back, your neocortex might engage and the rational thought, decision making, and empathy you need to exhibit at this moment will occur. In “Calming Your Brain During Conflict,” Diane Musho Hamilton, author of Everything is Workable, A Zen Approach to Conflict Resolution, suggests four steps during this type of situation: 1. Stay Present 2. Let Go of the Story 3. Focus on the Body 4. Finally, Breathe. For Step 2, she writes: “This might be the most difficult part of the practice. We need to completely let go of the thinking and judging mind. This is a very challenging step because when we feel threatened, the mind immediately fills with all kinds of difficult thoughts and stories about what’s happening. But we must be willing to forget the story, just for a minute, because there is a feedback loop between our thoughts and our body. If the negative thoughts persist, so do the stressful hormones. It isn’t that we’re wrong, but we will be more far more clear in our perceptions when the nervous system has relaxed.” It strikes me that the story we tell ourselves, while difficult, may be something we can learn to control. Let's examine: Why does it have to be your idea? In my experience as a leader, I was the one ultimately responsible. If someone else had a better, or even just as good, idea, why not? Aren’t people always more motivated when they are executing their own idea? If it would benefit you to have a conversation about how we can self-regulate as leaders please DM me, I’d love to support you. #LeadershipDevelopment #ServantLeadership #Leaders Graeme Newell

How I developed more patience with my slower customers In my work, sometimes, I help customers conduct assessments so that they can get a sense of their colleagues' strengths and areas for improvement. While most customers implement these assessments without much issue, we have a customer who wanted extremely detailed information. She wanted to know how the assessment questionnaires should be sent to participants. She wanted a template email that would explain to participants why we are doing the assessment She wanted ways to track who has (or hasn't) completed their assessments She even wanted samples of the assessment questions in addition to the information I gave her. My customer was very deliberate every step of the way. She even tested how fast our assessment loads on their web browsers. She had to ask her IT department to put our assessment web address on their green list to make them load faster. Now, patience is not my virtue at all. In the past, I would have been very agitated about customers who require lots of support to get things done, especially when 90% of our other customers don't need similar levels of support. Somehow, I was patiently explaining and providing support for this customer with the help of my colleagues. My newfound patience was not built on the premise that the customer is giving us a lot of money. Instead, my patience was the result of my empathy. Somehow, I sensed that this customer was unfamiliar with implementing assessments. She's new to her job, and her boss set high standards and had high expectations. I understood that she needed a higher degree of psychological safety. That was the reason why she wanted additional support. My personal development as a coach helped me empathize, which gave me compelling reasons to be patient. We are still in the early stages of working with this customer. I hope our services help them achieve their desired outcomes. #coaching #empathy #assessments

Patience wasn’t in my toolkit when I started my professional journey. It was built, over time, by making mistakes; of learning and understanding that there are better ways too. I have always been very reactive, impatient and impetuous - chasing immediate answers. My family, my team and often I myself would bear the brunt of my impatience. As my organisation grew, handling human resource challenges was one of the top. Mr. Vijay Mahajan came onboard as our HR advisor. Amongst his many pearls of wisdom, one that hit me was this: ‘To grow in business and life, you have to learn to deal with ambiguity.’ He mentioned this to me as we drove early morning on a Saturday, to handle a leadership issue in our Pune lab, an issue I had only been appraised of late Friday evening. That simple advice transformed my approach. I realised that reactiveness bred more challenges. By stepping back, taking a breath, and allowing for areas of improvement, I "allowed the space" to see better solutions.  Here’s how you can build patience in your own journey: 1. Understand the difference between reacting and responding - aim is to respond!  2. Pause, even before responding - helps to understand the situation better. 3. Accept ambiguity - everything may not go according to plan. 4. Seek feedback - diverse perspectives help in getting better solutions.  5. Celebrate small wins - acknowledge progress, however incremental. This gradual change in my thought-process made me a better individual and leader. Today, as I learn to play golf, I am going through the same learning curve: every time I hit a bad shot, if I give myself time to relax before the next shot and not over-hit it, I am able to recover the damage of the previous shot. But if I rush and power through to the next shot, it adds to the poor outcome. Patience isn’t passive, it's deliberate. It yields strong decisions, healthy teams, and long-term growth. Many a times, hard skills get objectified and soft skills miss the limelight. ✔️What's the one skill that helped your career trajectory? LinkedIn for Learning #patience #entrepreneurship LinkedIn Guide to Creating

🔷 Career Corner Insight: Managing Conflict with Grace 🔷 Let’s be honest—conflict is uncomfortable. But what if we stopped seeing it as a roadblock and instead recognized it as an opportunity for growth? Whether it’s a tense moment in a meeting or a misunderstanding with a colleague, how we respond makes all the difference. Managing conflict with grace means maintaining your composure, seeking clarity, and prioritizing connection over being “right.” Here are three approaches that consistently shift conflict from combative to collaborative: 🔸 Lead with Curiosity, Not Assumption Pause before reacting. Ask questions that uncover intent and perspective: “Help me understand your thinking…” signals openness instead of defensiveness. As a coach, open ended questions can be the most thought provoking as it creates space for a response that has context and perspective that be helpful in successfully addressing the situation. 🔹 Respond, Don’t React Grace in conflict comes from self-regulation. When emotions flare, take a breath. Give yourself the space to choose a calm response, even if it means saying, “Let me reflect and get back to you.” If you have the opportunity, literally take to sleep on it. If the situation is more immediate, a few deep breaths can also do wonders for clarity of thought. 🔸 Seek Common Ground Early Starting from “What do we both want to achieve here?” brings focus back to shared goals. This re-centers the conversation and opens the door to resolution without ego. It also sets the stage for a thoughtful dialogue versus the need to win or be right in the moment. We’re all navigating high-stakes, high-pressure environments where tensions can rise. Grace isn’t weakness—it’s leadership strength. The ability to disagree respectfully, stay engaged, and move forward builds trust and credibility. Your turn: How have you turned a disagreement into a breakthrough moment? What practices help you handle conflict with poise? You are also welcome to share the 'oops' moment that was a learning event and made you better prepared for the future.

When a team member jumps to an angry conclusion. You notice the change in body language. Defenses are raised. People either shut down or attack. The situation blocks constructive conversation. Last night I had a great session about conflict with my Executive cohort at NYU School of Professional Studies. We exchanged ideas on preparing for inevitable conflicts at work—how to show up with intention instead of reacting on autopilot. Here’s what stuck with me: ✔ Preparation starts before the conflict. Deep breathing can regulate your nervous system. One slow inhale can stop a bad reaction before it starts. Prepared phrases to de-escalate, set boundaries, and increase understanding. ✔ Body language matters. Open posture. Uncrossed arms. Calm eyes. Signals safety instead of threat. ✔ Your voice is a tool. Lower tone. Slow pace. Don’t match the other person’s energy—reset the room with your own. ✔ Micro-pauses buy clarity. A one-second pause gives your brain time to think. It helps you respond instead of react. ✔ Lead with validation. Try: “I can see this is frustrating.” It doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re listening. Conflict isn’t the problem. Unpreparedness is. If you want to build trust, show up prepared. #marketingleadership #conflict

Most people run from conflict. Great leaders lean into it. They don’t avoid it | They don’t escalate it. | They lead through it, with calm, clarity, and purpose. If you're dealing with tension, passive-aggressive emails, clashing priorities, or subtle jealous, note that The problem isn’t conflict. The problem is how we respond in the middle of it all. Here are tips I found would usually work for me – 1️⃣ Pause Before You Pounce. Don’t react on impulse. Take a breath and ask - “What might they be experiencing?” Generosity in mindset leads to clarity in message. 2️⃣ Name What’s Really Going On. Is the tension about a task, a process, power, or something personal? Diagnosing the root keeps you from overreacting to symptoms. 3️⃣ Stay Civil, Especially When It’s Hard. You can’t control others’ emotions, but you can master your own. Notice your triggers. Then choose curiosity over combat. 4️⃣ Normalise (the Right Kind of) Conflict. Good teams argue. Great teams argue well. Model calm. Praise healthy dissent. Create space for real talk. 5️⃣ Handle Jealousy With Grace. Jealousy wears many masks, distance, one-upmanship, backhanded remarks. Stay kind. Stay professional. Limit exposure if needed. You don’t need universal approval to lead. 6️⃣ Don’t Wing It in High-Emotion Moments. Before a tough conversation ✅ Visualise how you want to show up ✅ Prepare your opening lines ✅ Clarify your intent ✅ Give yourself margin to breathe Conflict, handled well, builds trust | Sharpens ideas | Strengthens culture. #Leadership #ConflictResolution #EmotionalIntelligence #HighPerformingTeams #WorkplaceCulture #LeadershipDevelopment