Handling Pushback While Staying Respectful

What’s the line between productive pushback and problematic refusal to disagree and commit? Especially when it’s your manager you disagree with? I’ve seen this debate go in both extremes. On the one end, you have people who push so hard, it becomes a performance issue. They’re so focused on proving their manager wrong that they start bottlenecking processes instead of realizing that either: 1. They’ve become the problem, or 2.This isn’t the right place for them any more. On the other end, you have people who are so eager to be agreeable, they never push back at all — even when they can see a million red flags signaling that the team is headed in the wrong direction. So what‘s the right answer? Here’s what’s worked for me in the past: 1. Be clear about your opinion, but be equally clear about the severity of your pushback. This can be a simple, “I personally wouldn’t take this approach, but on a scale of 1 - 5, the risk of doing this feels like a 2, so not the hill I’m willing to die on…” or a more emphatic, “I think this is a mistake. I am meaningfully concerned this will cause X problem. Ultimately, this is your decision to make, and I’m prepared to disagree and commit, but I want to be clear about why I think we shouldn’t do this.” 2. Be open to experimenting, but be quick to communicate if it isn’t working. “I know you asked me to try X process despite my reservations. I’m 2 weeks in, and candidly, it’s not working. I can keep this going for another few weeks, but transparently, I think we need to pivot. I’d love to walk you through where I’m running into issues and how I think a different approach could solve this.“ 3. Get clear on your deal breakers and be direct in asking about your options. This one’s important — I’ve seen far too many people make themselves sick trying to win an argument that wasn’t actually that important. I’ve also seen people run themselves into the ground fighting important, but losing battles instead of accepting the hard truth and redirecting their energy more productively, ie finding a job better suited to their ways of working. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve fallen victim to both. And I can tell you that: 1. Life is a whole lot better when you stop treating every disagreement like a fight to the death, and 2. As hard as it can be to realize your team is no longer right for you, stepping away to find the right team that *is* is 1,000% worth it. Try: “I’ve realized X is a deal breaker for me, and I want to know if you see a world in which this realistically changes any time soon.” Sadly, I was far less articulate in working through my thoughts on this week’s podcast, but you know what? That’s okay. A little word vomit is good for the soul. And honestly, it helped me get to this point. So if you want to watch me awkwardly fumble my way through this thought process while Roxanne Bras Petraeus provides a much needed reality check and shines like the low ego rockstar she is, check it out. Link below.👇🏼

Even the most basic DEI training sessions can get pushback. A few years back, I was working in a fractional role supporting with some trainings and ongoing Chief People Officer leadership. We did a very basic trans-affirming training for the team and got some pretty spirited feedback claiming we were trying to "indoctrinate" the team and "push a liberal agenda." The screenshot below is how I responded. // I have folks reach out to me sometimes about how to handle backlash, so I wanted to share my approach in case it helps others facing similar issues. 〰 Try not to be reactive or respond from a place of personal offense. Maybe it's just me, but I tend to see red when I get a message like this. I typically step away, take a pause, and then come back and respond. Try to respond with a neutral tone. Even if you disagree with everything shared, if nothing else, validate their right to express their thoughts. 〰 Reinforce the purpose of the training. Focus on the core values behind the training—safety, respect, and inclusion. Explain that the goal is not to promote a political or ideological agenda but to create a workplace where everyone feels safe and valued, regardless of their identity. 〰 Point to data and lived experience: Point out that DEI training is backed by research and the lived experiences of marginalized individuals. It’s about addressing real issues like discrimination and exclusion, which even if they aren't a major issue in your workplace, are present in many workplaces. 〰 Clarify the difference between personal beliefs and workplace conduct. Look, I would love to be in the business of changing harmful beliefs, but that's not a super productive line of work. Make it clear that employees are not being asked to change their personal beliefs but are expected to uphold standards of respectful behavior toward all coworkers, clients, and customers. 〰 Offer ongoing support and resources. Let employees know that DEI is an ongoing journey. Provide additional resources, open up space for further conversations, and make it clear that you are available to answer any specific concerns they may have. This is also a great way to contain future issues and encourage that they come straight to you with concerns. Pushback is a part of DEI work, but it’s an opportunity to educate, engage, and ensure that everyone understands why inclusion really matters.

PMMs: don’t always be ‘nice’.  Instead, be confident in your expertise. Because let’s get something straight, product marketing is an EXPERTISE. Just like no one would tell engineers how to code, PMMs shouldn’t be told how to launch a product or shape GTM strategies. I am not saying to ignore other’s suggestions, but I have seen many PMMs being questioned publicly or told what to do by other teams, and often feel the pressure to agree or accommodate. And for women, especially women of color, there’s this added layer of expectation that we have to be nice or avoid conflict. But being nice doesn’t mean letting others override your expertise. Here is the thing: we may not know all the technical details of the product compared to a PM, or know every sales technique…. ….but we are the EXPERT of how to *launch a product and how to *enable sales. We are the experts in product marketing. We are not a support function. 👉For example, if someone asks, "Why don’t we add influencer marketing or podcasts to the channel mix for this launch?”, don’t hesitate to respond with confidence: “That’s a great idea for future campaigns. For this launch, however, I’ve prioritized channels showing the highest ROI based on our target audience and previous results. Adding new channels now could stretch our resources and dilute the impact. I suggest we test these new channels in our next launch cycle after we gather feedback from this one. If you have more questions, I’ll walk you through them offline. For this meeting, let’s stay focused on aligning on timing per the agenda.” —------ Pushback isn’t being difficult, it’s about OWNING your expertise, being objective and focusing on the best results. If you’ve been struggling with asserting your expertise and influence as a PMM, let’s chat. I’d love to help you feel empowered and confident in your role. 💪🏽 #productmarketing #pmm #confidence #leadership #womenintech #careercoach

Someone I admire recently received feedback from their manager about their tone in an email. The situation? They had answered a question clearly and succinctly, offering a strategic rationale for a messaging timeline. They used phrases like “without a clear time-based reason” and “bombard the students,” the latter meant with obvious humor and care. The manager’s written response included praise—but then spent several paragraphs deconstructing those two phrases as condescending and interpreted as pushback. To make it even worse....the feedback came in an email, not a conversation. 😠 It makes me want to scream in frustration!!!! 😤 The result: defensiveness, confusion, and frustration. And not because the employee was unwilling to grow—but because they were being policed for being direct. Let’s pause here. If you've ever been told you're "too direct," or that your tone was off when you were just being clear—you are not alone. This happens to women all the time. It’s not about how we speak. It’s about outdated gender dynamics at play. Here’s what I wish more managers would ask themselves before giving tone feedback: 🌠 Am I reacting to disrespect—or to a style that’s different from mine? 🌠 Am I reading into someone’s tone, or do I need clarification? 🌠 Is this a conversation that would be better face-to-face instead of by email? And here’s what a better response could look like: “Thanks for laying out your reasoning. I had a couple questions about timing and also wanted to check in on tone, just to make sure we’re aligned. Can we jump on a quick call today or tomorrow?” That’s not making assumptions, but looking for a conversation. That’s how trust is built. To the person getting the feedback: you didn’t do anything wrong. You were clear. You were strategic. You communicated in a way that a lot of people wish they could. But here's what emotional maturity looks like: you can still choose to acknowledge the feedback, hold your ground, and invite a better conversation. Something like this: Thanks for the feedback on tone. I intended to be clear about the reasoning behind the schedule, not to come across as dismissive. I’m always open to checking in on how things land and to adjusting where needed—but also want to ensure that being direct doesn’t get misread as resistance. I recognize that when women use a direct communication style, it’s sometimes perceived differently. I want to make sure clarity and confidence are seen for what they are. This is what leadership looks like. Not perfection. Not people-pleasing. But owning your style, being firm but kind, and remaining open to feedback and change. To every direct communicator out there: you are not too much. You are not a problem to be solved. Your clarity is a strength. Who has experienced something like this?

🔄 The Emotional Reset: Reframing the Narrative in Leadership 🧠 Neuroscience Insight: Have you ever received tough feedback and immediately felt defensive? That’s your brain’s default mode network (DMN) at work—jumping to worst-case assumptions and emotional hijacking. But here’s the truth: Reframing engages the prefrontal cortex, shifting us from reaction to rational problem-solving. 📖 A Quick Story: A leader I coached received harsh public feedback from an executive during a meeting. Their initial reaction? “They don’t respect my work—I need to push back!” Frustration took over, and their body language showed it. ✅ The Shift: A Simple Emotional Reset Before reacting, they asked themselves: 🔹 What’s the bigger picture here? This feedback is about improving outcomes, not a personal attack. 🔹 If I were coaching someone else, what would I tell them? Pause, take notes, and ask clarifying questions. 🔹 What emotion do I want to lead with? Calm curiosity instead of defensiveness. 🔥 The Outcome: Instead of escalating the tension, the leader responded with: 💬 “Thank you for the feedback. I’d love to understand what specific improvements you’d like to see. Can we explore solutions together?” 🚀 CRAVE Leadership in Action: ✔ Respect – For oneself and others, even in challenging moments. ✔ Authenticity – Acknowledging emotions without reacting impulsively. ✔ Empathy – Understanding the perspective behind the feedback. ✨ Your Turn: Next time you’re faced with criticism, try this Emotional Reset. Before reacting, ask yourself these three reframing questions. What’s your go-to strategy for handling tough feedback? Drop a comment below! ⬇️ #DrAmin #CRAVELeadership #NeuroLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #ExecutivePresence #EmotionalIntelligence #FeedbackCulture

Pushing back on your CEO isn't just ok - it's your job. Too many HR leaders get stuck in "order-taking" mode. The CEO wants X, so we do X. But here's the truth: Your CEO probably doesn't fully understand HR (and that's fine). Most haven't worked closely with strategic HR before. Your value isn't in nodding yes - it's in bringing your expertise to shape better decisions. Quick framework I use: • Listen fully to understand their goal • Acknowledge the desired outcome • Present additional approaches • Back up your alternatives with data/examples • Make a clear recommendation Example: CEO wants HR to own payroll because "it's about people." Push back: Show how finance teams are better equipped to handle tax implications, reporting requirements, and financial controls. Propose a partnership model instead. The key is HOW you push back: - Focus on shared business goals - Bring solutions, not just problems - Stay confident in your expertise - Keep ego out of it Great CEOs want thought partners, not yes-people. If you're not occasionally disagreeing with your CEO, you're probably not doing your job. What's the hardest pushback conversation you've had to have? 🤔 #HR #Leadership #ExecutiveRelationships

We all know people who can disagree in a way that has others listen, consider their perspective, and feel respected. We also all know people who disagree and blow up the room -- and their relationships. (I am usually coaching a few of those folks at any given time.) In my latest Psychology Today article, I explore how to become what I call a "respectful rebel"-- someone who knows how to voice dissent constructively, leading to successful outcomes and contributing to healthy relationships.. Here are five practices with examples of what to say (and what not to say): 1. Ground feedback in shared purpose Say: "Because I care about the client experience, I'm concerned about..." Not: "This approach completely ignores what our clients need." 2. Time your dissent wisely Say: "Before we finalize this decision, can I offer a different perspective?" Not: "I knew this wouldn't work." 3. Ask instead of attack Say: "How do you see this impacting our frontline team?" Not: "This will overwhelm our staff and they'll all quit." 4. Mind your tone Say: "I see it differently and would like to share my thinking" Not: "That approach makes no sense and won't work here." 5. Check your motive Ask yourself: "Am I speaking up to contribute—or to be right?" The difference between helpful disagreement and harmful pushback often comes down to intention, delivery, and timing. How do you know if you're a Respectful Rebel or a Rude one? Watch what happens after you speak. If people engage with your ideas, ask questions, and the conversation deepens, you're doing it right. If people get defensive, go silent, or the energy drains from the room, it's time to recalibrate. Link to article in the comments.

On managing reviewer 2 (and other animals). Managing Reviewer Two is part art, part karate-strategy, part emotional endurance. When confronted with a legit troll reviewer, do the following: 1. Detach Emotion, Extract Insight Even if the tone is harsh or the logic is questionable, look for what they’re really asking. Are they confused? Challenging your framing? Missing key context? Treat every comment as data, not a personal attack. 2. Kill with Clarity (and Kindness) In your response, be excessively clear, professional, and composed. Think: “Thank you for this helpful suggestion…” even when you’re gritting your teeth. Your tone should always be calm, rational, and confident. You’re showing the editor you’re reasonable and constructive. 3. Know When to Push Back You don’t have to accept every comment. If Reviewer 2 is asking for something unreasonable (e.g., a whole new dataset or a different theoretical framework), explain respectfully why it’s beyond the scope, and offer a reasonable alternative. Editors appreciate thoughtful pushback when justified. 4. Use the Editor as a Compass If Reviewer 2 seems way off the mark, pay attention to the editor’s letter. What did they actually ask you to revise? Sometimes editors agree with you but want you to acknowledge R2’s point gracefully. 5. Keep a Little Distance Seriously—don’t respond right away. Let the comments sit for 24–48 hours. Let the frustration cool, then come back with a strategic, not reactive, mindset. Think of Reviewer 2 as the necessary resistance that helps sharpen your work. You don’t have to like them—but managing them well is a skill that’ll serve you your whole career. And most of all, know that arguing gets you nowhere, so kill Reviewer Two with kindness. It is sometimes the best route! Best of luck! #academicjourney #academics