How to Stay Calm in Intense Meetings

💡 The Pre-Meeting Emotional Check-In: A Game-Changer for Leaders 🧠 Neuroscience Insight: Ever walked into a high-stakes meeting feeling stressed, only to realize your tone or body language unintentionally set the wrong vibe? That’s because stress triggers a cortisol spike, increasing heart rate, shortening breath, and leading to emotional hijacking. But here’s the fix—preparing before the meeting can rewire the brain for composure and control. 🔄 A Quick Story: I once coached a leader preparing for a tough conversation with an underperforming employee. Their instinct? “I need to be firm. They need to hear the truth.” But their stress was hijacking their tone—coming off as harsh instead of constructive. ✅ The Shift: A Simple Pre-Meeting Check-In 🔹 Three Words to Embody: Calm, Encouraging, Solution-Oriented 🔹 Mirror Practice: Rehearse a balanced, supportive tone: 💬 “I appreciate your efforts and want to help you succeed. Let’s work on a plan together.” 🔥 The Outcome: Instead of shutting down, the employee engaged in the conversation. The leader communicated with clarity, respect, and vulnerability, turning a difficult discussion into a collaborative problem-solving session. 🚀 CRAVE Leadership in Action: ✔ Communication – Leading with intention and clarity. ✔ Respect – Treating team members as valued contributors. ✔ Vulnerability – Being open to difficult conversations with composure. ✨ Your Turn: Before your next meeting, try this: Write down three words that describe how you want to show up. How does it change your presence? Drop your three words in the comments—I’d love to hear them! ⬇️ #DrAmin #CRAVELeadership #NeuroLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #CommunicationSkills #ExecutivePresence #EmotionalIntelligence

Your brain is wired to avoid conflict at all costs. Avoiding hard conversations doesn’t eliminate problems-it multiplies them. I’ve worked with countless first-time managers, VPs, and even senior executives who freeze when it’s time to: - Give tough feedback - Address poor performance - Set firm boundaries - Have that uncomfortable talk with an underperforming team member Why does this happen? Because biologically, your brain still thinks conflict = danger.  When faced with confrontation, your amygdala (the fear center of your brain) hijacks your response system. - Heart rate spikes. - Hands get clammy. - Your brain perceives the conversation as a threat, triggering fight, flight, or freeze.  This is why so many leaders either: - Overreact (aggressive, defensive, emotional outbursts) - Shut down (avoid the issue, sugarcoat, delay tough calls) The result? - Performance issues linger. - Low accountability erodes culture. - Leaders lose credibility. The best organizations-the ones that scale, retain top talent, and build elite teams-don’t just train leaders on strategy. They train them on emotional regulation and communication.  How Elite Leaders Stay Calm & In Control During Tough Talks  1. Hack Your Nervous System with Tactical Breathing Your breath controls your physiology. Try box breathing (4-4-4-4): Inhale 4 sec → Hold 4 sec → Exhale 4 sec → Hold 4 sec. Navy SEALs use this under combat stress—it works in boardrooms too.  2. Reframe the Conversation in Your Mind Instead of “This is going to be a brutal conversation,” say “This is an opportunity to align expectations and help someone grow.” Shift from confrontation → collaboration.  3. Use Nonverbal Cues to De-Escalate Lower your tone. Slow down your speech. Maintain open body language. People mirror your energy—if you stay calm, they will too.  4. Replace “Softening” Phrases with Direct, Clear Statements - “I feel like maybe there’s a small issue with your performance…” ✅ “Here’s what I’ve observed, and here’s what needs to change.” Clarity is kindness. Sugarcoating only confuses people.  Why This Matters for Companies Investing in Leadership Training - 85% of employees say poor leadership communication causes workplace stress. (Forbes) - 69% of managers say they’re uncomfortable communicating with employees. (HBR) - Companies with emotionally intelligent leadership see 34% higher retention rates. (Case Study Group at Cornell) If your company isn’t training leaders on handling tough conversations, you’re losing talent, productivity, and trust. Want to build a leadership culture where tough conversations drive growth instead of fear? Let’s talk. #LeadershipTraining #ExecutiveCoaching #CommunicationSkills #LeadershipDevelopment #CultureOfAccountability #EmotionalIntelligence #HighPerformanceTeams

Stop managing time. Start mastering energy. After coaching over 200+ executives, I've learned that the high-performers prioritize their energy not their time. Here's what they've shared with me (save this): 1/ Decision Energy Optimization ↳ Map your peak alertness hours (track for 5 days) ↳ Schedule critical decisions before 2pm ↳ Create a "power hour" buffer before board meetings 2/ Strategic Recovery Design ↳ Implement the Navy SEAL 4x4 breath work (4 seconds in, 4 out) ↳ Book 20-min gaps between high-stakes meetings ↳ Use "walking meetings" for 1:1s (movement = energy) 3/ Cognitive Load Management ↳ Batch similar tasks in 90-min blocks ↳ Use "two-minute previews" before switching contexts ↳ Clear mental tabs with a daily brain dump (5 mins, end of day) 4/ Energy-First Calendar Defense ↳ Rate meetings from 1-3 (energy give vs. take) ↳ Front-load relationship building before 11am ↳ Create "untouchable Thursdays" for deep work 5/ High-Impact Recovery Protocols ↳ Master the 3-2-1 reset (3 deep breaths, 2 stretches, 1 intention) ↳ Schedule "micro-breaks" (7-12 mins) after lunch ↳ Use "energy gates" (10-min buffers) between major transitions 6/ Presence Activation Tactics ↳ Activate the 2-minute centering ritual before important meetings ↳ Use "power phrases" in private before presentations ↳ Practice selective unavailability (block "focus hours" daily) 7/ Environmental Energy Design ↳ Make their desk an "energy zone" ↳ Create a "recharge corner" in your office ↳ Mute the chaos (noise canceling earbuds) 8/ Relationship Energy Management ↳ Identify your top 5 energy amplifiers (schedule them weekly) ↳ List your energy vampires (limit exposure to 30 min) ↳ Build your "energy board of directors" (5 people who elevate you) 9/ Peak State Activation ↳ Create your "power playlist" (60-90 motivation seconds) ↳ Design your "pre-game ritual" (specific sequence before big events) ↳ Use "anchor phrases" for instant state transformation 10/ Sustainable Excellence Framework ↳ Track energy levels hourly for one week (use 1-10 scale) ↳ Implement "recovery days" after high-intensity weeks ↳ Create your "minimum viable recovery" protocol (3 non-negotiables) Reality check: Your energy capacity is your competitive advantage. Not your ability to outlast everyone else. Which tactic will you implement in the next 24 hours? ♻️ Share to help a leader thrive 🔖 Save this guide for your next energy audit 🎯 Follow me (Loren) for more high-performance tactics

How you respond to stress is directly correlated to your level of success in your career and in life. After countless sleepless days, I found a 5-step formula to help me through it: How you respond to these critical moments will make or break you. I'm sharing the 5-part thought process I go through when my stress levels redline. Feel free to bookmark this if it's helpful: STEP 1) Accept the situation The first step is to accept the reality of the situation you're dealing with. Accepting the situation allows you to RESET YOUR EXPECTATIONS and move forward with a newly defined level of "success" that you can meet. *Breathe STEP 2) Remove the emotion Try to separate your emotions from it. By removing the emotional component, you can approach the problem more rationally and make clearer decisions. *Breathe STEP 3) Analyze objectively Why did this happen? Maybe it's because you failed to get back to them on time, or your competition is just better. Use this "failure" as input to improve! Process the reality of that, then go off and do what you need to do– believing that you will do what it takes. *Breathe STEP 4) Maintain an objective mindset   Your mindset determines how you relate to and deal with adversity. Approach challenges with a long-term optimistic mindset, rather than a negative one. An objective mindset allows you to see the situation clearly, assess the facts, and find an effective solution. *Breathe STEP 5) Avoid reacting from a place of fear I know, you want to respond quickly but you should probably rethink that so you don't make any impulsive decisions that can hurt you or your business. Instead, take a moment to breathe, process the situation, and think through your actions before responding. You'll notice there's one common thread that ties the steps together. You need to breathe. Breathing helps to calm the mind in that moment of fear, uncertainty, doubt, panic, or anxiety. When those things arise, you have to center yourself back to where your heart rate decreases and your mind isn't racing like crazy. ➝ Centering yourself physically allow you to make the best decisions mentally. Think about the last time you felt a visceral response to a nasty email from a customer. You want to retaliate with choice words of your own. But that helps nobody. When you're able to run through the above steps, you might be able to pull some helpful feedback out of that email. And you can move on with your day! You won't need this post until you do, but when you do - please re-read it. Derive confidence from this process. Know that you are capable. Control what you can control. Let go of what you can't. What's your best stress management technique? 

Here’s a dilemma that comes up with execs, one that we also hear in various forms in “Cracking the C-Suite,” the class I co-teach with Ethan Evans:  "What are the best ways to regulate my emotions and avoid showing stress (or self-doubt) in critical leadership moments?” Here’s the one-word takeaway: BREATHE. This seems so easy, right? In my 30 years of coaching 500+ execs, stress management is a cornerstone. Before that I coached 150+ college athletes for 10 years; we dealt with pre-game jitters using positive imagery practice. And I have studied, practiced, and shared formal meditation (Vipassana) for 25 years. Throughout, my antidote to stress hasn’t changed; this is still the best I got: BREATHE. Focusing on your breath is helpful when you’re in a “flight” response to fear (self-doubt), which is typical when giving an informal or formal presentation. The “flight” response invariably crops up for many executives in group meetings, exacerbated in Zoom, where it's even harder to get your POV across. Those “critical leadership moments” are about timing + a quality POV. However, so many things can go through our head in the form of negative ruminations. Stress can be positive -- it makes us get stuff done -- but when it goes negative, it becomes worry; then we ruminate. This is what causes self-doubt. BREATHE is also your best friend when you’re having a “fight” response (e.g., blurting, nagging, sarcasm) to fear. Sometimes, you can get frustrated/angry because you’re anticipating losing something (e.g., budget, roadmap direction, headcount, product ideas or freedom, time).   So when you’re in that critical leadership moment (and, especially, if you’re scared or pissed), breathing is the first step, followed by what I term the AAA model. 1)     Breathe to ground you. It means you’re breathing in so you can consciously feel it in your nostrils as the breath goes in and out. This puts you in a better position to NOTICE (aka being on the “observation deck”) what is happening in the room and inside you! 2)     AAA model – some questions you can ask yourself, designed to be quick: ASSESS yourself and the situation: -Where do you feel tension? Breathe into that area to calm yourself in seconds. -What do you notice in the room? (e.g., Who do you have to influence? Who is in a bad mood? Who is on a roll?) ADJUST in your mind: -If in self-doubt, when could you interrupt gently to make your point? -If in "fight" mode, how should you back off of your strong POV? ACT by taking your decisions outward: -If in self-doubt, consciously step into the group meeting early by asking a question, then step in with your POV later. -If you’re pissed, consciously stop yourself from blurting your opinion; instead use inquiry (ask a question for understanding). Readers: What do you do in critical leadership moments to de-stress? ——— Want to chat more about a leadership dilemma? Happy to help: https://lnkd.in/gvaJrMVY

What’s a key element of executive presence that’s hard to do? What trait is invaluable when you and your team are under intense pressure and the clock is ticking?   It’s being CALM.   Keeping your wits about you.   Slowing down in the heat of the moment. To think. To reflect. To respond appropriately.   And that requires remaining calm.   When it may feel like the world is burning around you and the team you lead. And especially because emotions are contagious and people look to their leaders for how to respond.   Being calm is a topic Tom Larsen and I explored last fall in a talk at the UCLA Anderson School of Management.   Tom leads the EMBA Career Strategy & Development Team, and I’m an executive coach for students in the program.   Executive presence is about a feedback loop:   1️⃣ PLANNING: how do you want to show up? 2️⃣ EXECUTION: how are you showing up? 3️⃣ REFLECTION: how did you show up? 4️⃣ IMPROVE: what do you want to change?   Being calm touches on 3 of those items: planning, execution, and reflection.   PLANNING: how will you plan ahead to remain calm? It can be as simple as thinking in advance about situations that are likely to be stressful. How will you remain calm in the moment? You have options: 1. Take a breath before responding. 2. Ask clarifying questions in a calm way. 3. Put a sticky note on your laptop: “All will be okay.” 4. What else could you do to plan in advance to stay calm?   EXECUTION: how are you showing up in the moment? Consciously consider how you will check in with yourself during an intense meeting or discussion. You have choices: 1. Remember to pause and breathe. 2.  Speak more slowly, so you can think. 3. Set a check-in reminder on your watch. 4. What else could you do to monitor yourself?   REFLECTION: how did you show up? Reflect on the scenario. Ask yourself questions: 1. What did you do well? 2. What could you do better next time? 3. What can you learn from others’ behavior? 4. What else could you do to reflect on how you showed up?   As Tom shared, Napoleon’s definition of genius was, “doing the average thing when those around you are going crazy.” Think about leaders you admire and how they deal with a crisis or a high-stakes scenario. In addition, leaders you don’t admire can also be instructive examples of what NOT to do.   As for me, I’m usually able to stay calm on the outside, but that is often the LAST feeling I’m having on the inside. My struggle is actually BEING the calm person I’m striving to present. Strategies that are working well: 1. Pausing 2. Breathing 3. Taking a short break or a short walk 4. Reminding myself everything will be okay.   What works for you? How do you remain calm?   #executivepresence #executivecoaching #leadership

A Superpower I’ve Learned as a Program Manager at Amazon When I started as a program manager at Amazon, I thought the best leaders were the loudest in the room—the ones who took charge during chaotic moments. But early on, I worked with a senior program manager who completely changed my perspective. No matter how intense things got—missed deadlines, shifting priorities, or stakeholder pressure—they stayed calm, focused, and polite. They didn’t raise their voice or panic. Instead, they asked thoughtful questions and brought clarity. I’ll never forget one moment during a critical project. Just days before a launch, we hit a major roadblock, and tensions were high. While others scrambled, this person calmly asked, “What’s the most immediate action we can take to unblock progress?” That simple question shifted the energy in the room, and suddenly, we were aligned and focused. At the time, I admired their composure and wondered if I could emulate it. Sometimes I would get caught up in the constant firefighting and stress. Now, I’ve come to see staying calm as a superpower that I’ve worked hard to hone. For me, it’s about: 1️⃣ Pausing Before Reacting: Taking a moment to breathe and ground myself. 2️⃣ Focusing on the Next Step: Asking, “What can we do right now?” instead of getting overwhelmed by everything. 3️⃣ Modeling Composure: Staying polite and composed helps others do the same. I’m forever growing, but I’ve seen how calm leadership can turn chaos into clarity. How do you stay grounded in high-pressure situations? #Leadership #ProgramManagement #Growth #Amazon #StayingCalm

Whenever you find yourself in a high-stakes conversation, learn how to stop talking. A simple pause holds so much weight. (Try this 7-second pause technique) High-stakes conversations don't HAVE to have heavy dialogue. Most of the time, it's about what you don't say. After asking a challenging question in your next executive meeting, try this: Count to 7 before speaking again. Those 7 seconds of silence will feel excruciating. Your instinct will scream to fill the void. Don't. This strategic silence creates immediate power dynamics that work in your favor: ➜ It demonstrates comfort with tension ➜ It forces others to respond rather than deflect ➜ It creates space for your next move to be strategic ➜ It emphasizes the importance of what you've just said Most people fear silence and rush to fill it. Especially under pressure. This creates a significant advantage for those comfortable with strategic pauses. I once watched a client use this technique during acquisition negotiations. After asking about deal contingencies, he simply waited. The uncomfortable silence prompted the other party to offer three additional concessions they hadn't planned to reveal. Seven seconds of silence added $3.2M to the final price. I was floored. I've never seen so much added in such little time. And it all came from the power of the pause.

Your stress response is killing your reputation. 12 phrases that command respect instead: I used to think pushing through stress was strength. But the way I spoke in those moments? - “I can’t do this” - “This is too much” - "I'm not sure what to do next" It didn’t just reflect how I felt. It shaped how others saw me. And chipped away at my credibility. What you say under pressure matters just as much as what you do. 12 power phrases that change everything ⚡️ 1) ❌ Don't say: "I can't handle this right now" ↳ Say: "I need to focus on one thing at a time to do good work" ↳ Square shoulders while speaking. Shows capability, not collapse. 2) ❌ Don't say: "This is too much" ↳ Say: "Which of these needs to be done first?" ↳ Place hand on desk. Anchors racing thoughts instantly. 3) ❌ Don't say: "I'm completely overwhelmed" ↳ Say: "I want to do this right, so I need to be realistic about timing" ↳ Slow breathing to 4 counts. Steadies voice naturally. 4) ❌ Don't say: "I'll try to get it done" ↳ Say: "I can finish this by Thursday if we move the other deadline" ↳ Look directly at speaker. Turns uncertainty into negotiation. 5) ❌ Don't say: "I'm stressed out" ↳ Say: "I need some quiet time to get this done well" ↳ Adjust posture. Physical elevation shifts mental state. 6) ❌ Don't say: "I don't know where to start" ↳ Say: "Give me 15 minutes to get organized and I'll be on track" ↳ Take a water sip. Breaks panic cycles instantly. 7) ❌ Don't say: "I didn't have time" ↳ Say: "I was finishing the Johnson project first. I can get to this next" ↳ Uncross arms. Shows receptiveness, not defense. 8) ❌ Don't say: "I'm behind on everything" ↳ Say: "I'm checking what's most urgent so nothing important falls behind" ↳ Lower voice slightly. Commands authority in challenges. 9) ❌ Don't say: "This wasn't my fault" ↳ Say: "Let's focus on fixing this rather than what caused it" ↳ Small nod while speaking. Shows confidence in next steps. 10) ❌ Don't say: "Why is this happening to me?" ↳ Say: "What's the biggest problem we need to solve first?" ↳ Turn chair toward speaker. Breaks victim mindset instantly. 11) ❌ Don't say: "I'll have to work all weekend" ↳ Say: "Let's decide what absolutely needs to be done by Friday" ↳ Brief pause before responding. Creates space for strategy, not reaction. 12) ❌ Don't say: "I just can't think straight" ↳ Say: "I need 10 minutes of quiet to come up with the best plan" ↳ Feet firmly on ground. Signals stability to your brain. Your next high-pressure moment is coming. Your response is a choice. Make it intentional ✨ Which phrase transforms your next overwhelm moment? -- ♻️  Repost to help your network stay calm under pressure 🔔 Follow Dr. Carolyn Frost for more strategies to handle overwhelm with grace

On why you should calm your mind when angry during a committee meeting: There are two types of participants in committee meetings—the loud and the quiet. After two decades as a professor, I've concluded that the quiet ones—the silent and deadly—usually secure the real wins. Every time I sound off without careful thought, two unfortunate things happen: either I get saddled with extra work (definitely not a win), or I lose the vote (also definitely not a win). Therefore, I've learned that when my blood boils in a committee meeting, I become very quiet, level my voice, and calm down. I do so, bc if I can control my emotions, clear my mind, and communicate like a professional, even if lose the vote, I still win. Rather than damaging relationships, undermining my credibility, starting a grudge match, I find that people respect my opinion, don't shy away from collaboration in the future, and even say hi in the hallway! So, how exactly do you calm down during a meeting? I use five steps - acquired from a long forgotten book on meditation. (1) Pause and Breathe: Take a deep breath. Think of it as hitting your internal 'mute button'—it reduces stress hormones and gives your brain a moment to avoid a catastrophic response. (2) Silently Name Your Feelings: Quietly acknowledge your emotions ("I'm annoyed," or "I could throw something right now"). Labeling your emotions keeps them from hijacking your rational thinking. (3) Ground Yourself: Shift your attention briefly to your physical surroundings—feel your feet on the floor, your back against the chair, or grip the table (gently!). Grounding yourself snaps you back to the here-and-now instead of the heat-of-the-moment. (4) Reframe the Situation: Remind yourself why you're here ("I'm supposed to collaborate, not start a cage fight," or "This is about solutions, not scoring points"). A quick reframe turns potential conflict into productive conversation. (5) Speak Thoughtfully and Calmly: After your internal pep talk, respond carefully and deliberately. Choose your words as if they’ll be recorded for posterity (because honestly, they probably will be). Focus on the issues and solutions, not the irritation. If you follow these steps, you'll leave every meeting feeling like you won—even if you didn't, bc you will have built social capital - and more than that - you'll have been calm enough to hear the other side - which - just might help you find middle ground in the next meeting! Best of luck! #academicjourney #academiclife