Self-Reflective Leadership Coaching

One of the most underrated leadership skills, I believe, is seeing yourself clearly. I often tell the executives I coach that real transformation begins with self-awareness. Not the kind of “I know my strengths and weaknesses” version, but the deep, often uncomfortable clarity about how we see ourselves and how others see us. Last year, I worked with a senior leader, let’s call her Maria. Brilliant strategist, deeply committed to her team, and yet... frustrated. Her team described her as intimidating and distant. She saw herself as focused and fair. The gap between those two realities was the source of most of her stress. We used a 360-feedback tool and a practice of asking “what” instead of “why.” (As organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich’s research shows, “why” often leads to rumination and self-justification, while “what” opens the door to learning and forward movement.) Maria started asking her team questions like: - “What am I doing that makes it hard for you to speak up?” - “What could I do differently to make collaboration easier?” It was awkward at first. But over time, she noticed her team leaning in instead of shutting down. Three months later, one of her direct reports told her, “You feel more human now.” That moment captured what self-awareness really does: it humanizes leadership. Tasha Eurich’s research offers three powerful insights that I see play out regularly in coaching: (1) There are two kinds of self-awareness: internal (how clearly we see ourselves) and external (how others see us). The best leaders balance both. (2) Experience and power often erode self-awareness, because feedback gets filtered or silenced. (3) Introspection isn’t always helpful, especially when we keep asking “why.” Asking “what” keeps us moving forward. In my coaching practice, I don’t use a single “magic” tool to raise self-awareness. I use what I believe best serves the leader I am working with. Sometimes it’s structured 360 assessments. Sometimes it's a psychometric assessment. Sometimes it’s reflective writing. Often it’s simply creating a space where leaders can hear feedback without defending themselves. But always, it starts with this simple belief I hold: The ability to see ourselves clearly is the foundation of every other leadership skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, with courage, curiosity, and the willingness to ask, “What do I need to see that I’m not seeing yet?” #selfAwareness #coaching #learning #leadership #understanding #curiosity #assessments https://lnkd.in/edMhJq8s

Most leadership development focuses on skills and abilities— What you need to DO. But what if the key to leadership is understanding who you GET to BE? In my latest article, I explore how most leadership failures stem not from a pure lack of competence but from reactive patterns that emerge when we haven't aligned our actions with our core identity. I share a practical five-step approach for developing self-awareness as the foundation of effective leadership: 1. Purpose—Why do you lead? 2. Values—How do you show up? 3. Strengths—Where do you add unique value? 4. Energy—What fills you up vs. drains you? 5. Feedback—How do others experience your leadership? Influential leadership development doesn't happen in workshops. It happens in moments of reflection, honest feedback, and intentional practice. To lead others effectively, you must learn to lead yourself first.

You've just received feedback from your team, but something doesn't sit right. Their words clash with your self-image, leaving you feeling defensive and confused. Self-reflection isn't just introspection. It's the key to unlocking your leadership potential and fostering genuine connections. Let's explore why reflection matters and how to master this critical skill: Many leaders struggle with meaningful self-reflection because: • They're too busy "doing" to pause and process experiences. • They fear confronting personal weaknesses or mistakes. • They lack structured methods for effective reflection. This reflection deficit leads to: → Repeated mistakes and missed growth opportunities. → Disconnection from team members and their needs. → Stagnation in leadership development and effectiveness. Most people confuse a 5-minute journaling session with true reflection. I’m not saying short, sporadic attempts at journaling lack their merit, but they do lack the depth and consistency needed for real insight and change. So here are 3 Solutions to enhance reflective practice: 1. Implement a structured reflection routine: ↳ Set aside dedicated time daily or weekly for guided self-reflection exercises focused on recent experiences and interactions. 2. Utilize the "Consultant" perspective: ↳ Practice mentally stepping outside situations to observe yourself objectively, as if you were an external consultant. 3. Engage in reflective conversations: ↳ Regularly discuss your thoughts, actions, and their impacts with a trusted mentor or coach who can provide additional perspective. Mastering reflection is an ongoing process that transforms reactive leaders into thoughtful, adaptable visionaries. By committing to these practices, you'll develop deeper self-awareness, make more intentional decisions, and cultivate stronger connections with your team. Remember: The most profound leadership insights come from within. What’s stoping you from looking deeper? — P.S. Unlock 20 years' worth of leadership lessons sent straight to your inbox. Every Wednesday, I share exclusive insights and actionable tips on my newsletter. (Link in my bio to sign up). Remember, leaders succeed together.

When Is a brilliant jerk just a jerk? Why do we tolerate people who deliver results but leave chaos in their wake? Having worked in recruitment for years, I’ve seen it time and again: companies excuse flawed leaders simply because they’re high performers. Often, these individuals are promoted beyond their capabilities, amplifying their negative impact on their teams. I’ve frequently questioned how these behaviours align with our stated company values. Why do managers “turn a blind eye.” overlooking poor conduct simply because ‘Sam’ bills over $1 million a year? One of my more memorable career experiences involved a former CEO who loved quoting a famed All Blacks rugby player's book: “Guys, we have a no d**kheads policy here,” he’d proudly declare. Yet, as people shuffled out of the board room, whispers of his behaviour would follow. Ironically, he was perhaps the biggest d**khead in the company—a textbook brilliant jerk. Unchecked, these individuals kill company culture, sap morale, and erode trust. I know this all too well because I’ve been there. Looking back on my early leadership days, I cringe. Was I that jerk? The reflection hurt. But it’s true. I was a jerk. I needed to change. I recognised that leadership is more than results. Empathy. Communication. Adaptability. Emotional intelligence. Compassion. These aren’t just “soft skills” – they’re essential for thriving in the workplace and growing as a leader. The good news. You can develop them too. But one often overlooked skill is reflection. If you are serious about your leadership, you must "hold up the mirror." Self-reflection is the foundation for personal and professional growth. It allows you to: -- Assess your strengths, weaknesses, and behaviours. -- Identify blind spots. -- Make better decisions and solve problems more effectively. -- Stay aligned with your core values and goals. Research shows that the habit of reflection separates extraordinary leaders from mediocre ones. I’d go so far as to argue that it’s the cornerstone of all other leadership skills. Reflection takes courage. It’s intentional. Deliberate. Thoughtful. Reflection is a practice. You can make it a daily habit—a ritual. Yet reflection isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable and ego-bruising. But it’s also necessary. Great leaders don’t just learn from their successes—they mine their failures for insights, using the lessons to shape a better future. Being at the “top of your game” only comes when you extract how to engage the future from your past. But go easy on yourself. Excellence comes from falling, standing up, and dusting yourself off. Study those failures, and you’ll be less likely to trip again. Flawed leaders will always exist, but without self-reflection, you might become one of them. Don’t let brilliance turn into arrogance. Instead, commit to growing into the kind of leader who elevates both results and relationships. You need reflection to avoid ending up being a jerk.

Consider the challenges that my colleagues and I come up against in the leaders with whom we work: uncertainty, prioritization, conflict aversion, authenticity, the hunger to be liked, balancing empathy with accountability, fear of being called out on social media, and navigating competing demands from multiple stakeholders. Or the challenges that recur in their organizations, such as decision-making, prioritization, collaboration, disengagement, and burnout. The apparent problem is rarely the underlying problem. What most leaders don’t recognize is how much what they’re feeling and struggling with internally is influencing the way they show up externally. Treat symptoms with behavioral solutions or quick fixes, and any relief they provide will be temporary at best. The challenges inevitably reoccur, much as weeds resurface after they’ve been pulled from a garden. My team and I worked with the senior team at a company that had struggled for two years with trying to create a decision rights framework. Each new solution seemed promising, and each one failed. They kept spinning. The core problem turned out to be that the CEO felt insecure about making any important decision. By becoming more aware of earlier events in his life that drove his insecurity but no longer applied, and by homing in on the values he held most dear, he progressively gained confidence in his instincts. Most every issue that we face, and struggle to resolve, has roots in our own doubts about our worthiness, and in our tendency to look outside ourselves for answers. These are questions we regularly ask all our coaching clients when they’re struggling: 1. What are you not seeing? 2. What part of what you’re feeling – or avoiding feeling – is a reflection of something you’re bringing to the present from experiences that happened in the past? 3. Rather than seeking certainty, can you create space for all of what you’re feeling, and tap into your core capacity to do the next right thing? #excecutivecoaching #leadership #selfreflection

Over the years, I have seen many leaders rise with talent and brilliance, only to stumble because they could not see themselves clearly. It was rarely the competition that brought them down. It was their unchecked ego. I once worked with a leader who delivered strong results and believed that was enough. His team stopped sharing ideas. Meetings became one way conversations. When things began to slip, he blamed everyone else, never pausing to reflect on how his own behaviour had shut people down. That is what leadership without reflection looks like. Experience has taught me that self-awareness is not a soft skill. It is discipline. It keeps ambition balanced, ego grounded, and relationships alive. Without it, knowledge turns into arrogance and authority turns into isolation. You do not need a complex framework to build it. Watch how people respond to you. Ask yourself whether your words built trust or created fear. Notice moments of irritation or pride and question what is really driving them. In other words, read yourself every single day. No book, no course, no title will give you that clarity. Leadership without self-awareness is like building on sand. Everything may look strong for a while, but eventually it collapses. The mirror is uncomfortable, but it never lies. #leadership #culture #mindset #growth #coaching

Stop looking out the window & start looking in the mirror I’ve been in leadership roles for over a decade—on the battlefield of startups, in the boardrooms of regulated entities, through peacetime scaling & wartime firefighting. I’ve celebrated wins with espresso shots & losses with a 3 a.m. spreadsheet binge. But here’s a truth most leaders don’t say out loud: After a hard loss, your instinct is to point to the other side. 📉 The market shifted. 📉 The board blocked. 📉 The competitor outspent. 📉 The team misunderstood. Sometimes, it’s even true. But here’s the move that separates real leaders from the ones just playing dress-up: 👉 You stop looking out the window & start looking in the mirror. 🧠 Why the mirror hurts—but works Looking in the mirror isn’t comfortable. It’s not fun. It doesn’t come with applause or a LinkedIn badge. But research shows it’s one of the highest ROI moves a leader can make. According to an HBR study, leaders who consistently engage in self-reflection perform 23% better in decision-making & 18% higher in employee engagement metrics. Why? Because reflection reduces cognitive blind spots & increases accountability. 🔍 Translation: If you’re not asking, “What did I miss?” after a failure, you’re probably going to miss it again. 💥 The most dangerous sentence in leadership "I did everything right." No, you didn’t. None of us did. Leadership isn’t a purity test. It’s a pressure test. You don’t get graded on intent—you get judged on impact. So, after a miss, ask yourself: • Did I communicate clearly? Or did I assume people understood because I understood? • Did I prepare the team properly? Or did I run too fast & drag them along? • Did I challenge my own thinking? Or did I only listen to voices that already agreed with me? 🛡️ The ego will fight back The biggest enemy isn’t the market, the team, or the board. It’s your own ego whispering: "You’re not the problem. You’re the hero of this story." That whisper feels good. But it keeps you stuck. & if you’re a real leader—you’re here to move. According to Daniel Kahneman’s work on cognitive biases, our brains are hardwired to protect our self-image. We rationalize instead of reflect. We defend instead of dissect. That’s not leadership. That’s self-preservation in a suit. 💡 So, what should you do? The next time something breaks, skip the blame game. Instead, walk to the mirror. & ask: 🎤 “What part of this mess has my fingerprints on it?” If the answer makes you cringe, congratulations—you’re evolving. 📍Pin this to your playbook Leadership isn’t about being right all the time. It’s about owning the times you weren’t. Wins build momentum. But losses? Losses build leaders. Because looking in the mirror won’t always fix the problem. But it will always fix your role in it. & that’s where real change begins. #Leadership #SelfAwareness #EmotionalIntelligence #CEOInsights #GrowthMindset #Management #Business

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 In the whirlwind of this life that we lead we are often focused on metrics—team performance, project outcomes, quarterly targets, & navigating the complexities of business, it's easy to get caught up in the external metrics of success. But what about our own performance as leaders - here’s a question I’ve been reflecting on: how often do we, as leaders, turn that lens inward? As I reflected the journeys of impactful leaders I've encountered – both clients & those I've observed throughout my career. And a common thread emerged: self-awareness. It's not the flashiest leadership trait, but it's arguably the most crucial. Think about it: How can we inspire and motivate others if we don't understand our own strengths and weaknesses? How can we navigate challenges effectively if we're blind to our own biases and triggers? How can we build genuine connections if we lack awareness of our impact on others? 𝐀 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 I recently spoke with a leader (hence the self reflection ) who shared a humbling experience from early in his management career. He was eager to lead and make an impact, but within months, his entire team left—one by one. It was a wake-up call. He took a hard look inward, asking himself: "What am I doing that's not working? How can I change?" Through that reflection, he realised that leadership isn't just about setting goals; it's about understanding and adapting to the people you're working with. He learned to: 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦'𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬: Great leaders don't use a one-size-fits-all approach. 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭: A strong foundation of trust is essential for open communication and success. 𝐄𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Regularly reflecting on his impact helped him grow and adapt as a leader. I shared a similar experience with him of the time I first became a manager, my direct report quit, stating it was because of me, that hit me hard. I thought I was being the quintessential manager - fair but tough, not allowing her to feel that pressure that I felt from the chairs above. It made me pause & reflect on what I was doing so monumentally wrong. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 These stories, & those of many others I've encountered, highlights the need and the transformative power of self-awareness. It allows us to: 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲 So, how can we cultivate greater self-awareness? It starts with introspection, feedback, and a willingness to challenge our own assumptions. What are your thoughts on the role of self-awareness in leadership? How do you cultivate this essential trait? #leadership #selfawareness #emotionalintelligence

Ever catch yourself saying "I'll start delegating more when my team is ready" or "I can't take on that project until I have more experience"? Those quiet whispers in your mind? They're costing you more than you realize. As a leadership coach, I've watched brilliant managers stay stuck in the weeds because of one powerful force: limiting beliefs. Here's the real impact: →  Decision-making becomes bottlenecked →  Your team misses growth opportunities →  You remain trapped in tactical work →  Innovation slows Here's what successful leaders do differently: ---3 Self-Awareness Steps--- 1.) Recognition --Notice when you're making assumptions about your capabilities --Pay attention to automatic "no" responses 2.) Redirection --Question your default reactions --Test your perceived limitations 3.) Reinforcement --Create new evidence of success --Build confidence through small wins The transformation happens when you shift: ↳"I'm not ready" ➡️ "Let's experiment" ↳"I have to" ➡️ "I choose to" ↳"What if I fail?" ➡️ "What if I succeed?" One shifted belief can change everything about how you lead. 💡  Want to start → Ask yourself: What belief about your leadership style have you accepted as "just the way I am"? Please share your insight below - it might help another leader push past their own limiting patterns and beliefs.

Several years ago, I sat across from a CEO whose numbers were nearly perfect. Quarter after quarter, the company delivered strong financials. On paper, it was a success story. But inside the organization, the reality was very different. Through a guided process of feedback and reflection, the CEO began to see what he hadn’t before: His relentless drive for perfection—what he thought was inspiring—had unintentionally created a culture of fear. People weren’t speaking up. True wisdom in leadership doesn’t come just from doing. It comes from pausing long enough to reflect on what’s been done… To ask the hard questions… To listen—really listen—to answers that might be uncomfortable. When leaders stop reflecting, they start mistaking motion for progress. And slowly, trust erodes. What begins as a small disconnect becomes a culture of disengagement. Blind spots go unexamined. Mistakes are repeated. And over time, the appearance of strength replaces the substance of real leadership. It always comes back to one question: What needs to change—and does it start with me? You won’t find this kind of reflection on most leadership highlight reels. But in my experience, it’s the silent force behind every enduring transformation I’ve seen. Every leader gains experience. Only a few transform that experience into wisdom, resilience, and lasting influence. Leadership isn’t just about what we build or where we take others. It’s about how we carry ourselves in the process—and whether we’re willing to grow when the truth catches up to us. #Leadership #SelfAwareness #ExecutiveWisdom #AWARE