Tips for Building Resilience Against Perfectionism

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽? "Leaders must have all the answers." I recently coached a brilliant C-suite executive who spent 70% of her energy hiding what she didn't know. As a queer woman in leadership, she felt crushing pressure to be twice as perfect. Her breakthrough came from a simple truth: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻'𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁. Here's the leadership paradox that's killing innovation: 📌 The more flawless you appear, the less connected you become 📌 The more infallible you seem, the less trust you build 📌 The more superhuman you act, the less human you feel to others Harvard's research is clear: Psychological safety — the #1 predictor of team performance — dies in cultures of perfectionism. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗼𝗻𝗲. 4 practical ways to trade perfectionism for presence: 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 ↳ Start meetings with "Here's what I'm still figuring out..." ↳ Share your learning journey, not just your victories 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲 ↳ Ask "What did we learn?" before "How do we fix it?" ↳ Celebrate the courage to try, not just successful outcomes 𝗜𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 ↳ Replace "Any questions?" with "What am I missing?" ↳ Thank people publicly for challenging your thinking 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 ↳ Normalize reflection with "Let me think about that" ↳ Show that leadership includes listening The results I've seen when leaders embrace this approach: • 2-3x increase in team innovation • Dramatically higher psychological safety • More diverse voices in decision-making • Authentic connections that drive performance 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵? Your team already knows you're not perfect. They're waiting to see if you're present. 🔥 Question for leaders: What might become possible if you stopped trying to be flawless and started being real? Share your experience below 👇 P.S. For more on building psychological safety through radical kindness, check out my Field Notes newsletter (LINK IN BIO)

"I don't expect perfection," you say, while simultaneously reaching for your red pen to mark up a document that's already on its 14th revision. Sound familiar? That gap between what we claim about our standards and how we actually behave might be the first clue that we've crossed from "high standards" territory into the land of impossible expectations—a place where great work goes to die and good people go to burn out. Now, I'm a devout "anti-perfectionist" but many of my #coaching clients are quite the opposite. And here are four signs that their standards (read: YOUR standards) might have crossed into problematic territory: 1. You find fault with nearly everything. When was the last time you wholeheartedly approved of someone's work without suggesting improvements? If you can't remember, your standards may be unreachable or unreasonable. 2. You're reluctant to #delegate. If you believe no one can do the job as well as you can, you're probably right—because you've set the bar at an impossible height. And even if YOU can clear that bar doesn't mean that everyone else can or should be able to. They have other strengths that you may not have. That's called #diversity. 3. Your team seems hesitant to share ideas. When people anticipate criticism rather than collaboration, they stop taking risks and #innovation suffers. 4. The impact on your colleagues is significant: decreased #morale, reduced creativity, and eventual disengagement. "Why bother trying when nothing is ever good enough?" becomes their inner voice -- and the unspoken team motto. And for you? Perpetual disappointment, increasing isolation, and #burnout. Also, you're exhausted. #Perfectionism is exhausting—for you and everyone around you. The path forward isn't lowering your standards—it's making them reasonable: 1. Define "good enough" clearly for each project. What specifically constitutes success rather than perfection? 2. Adopt a "growth standards" mindset. Instead of fixed perfection, focus on whether each project represents significant progress from the last one. 3. Ask yourself: "How much will this matter in a week? A month? A year?" Most imperfections won't. 4. Practice saying "This works well" without adding "but..." 5. Create a "standards check-in" with your team. Schedule a monthly conversation where everyone can openly discuss whether expectations feel challenging yet achievable. This accountability practice prevents standard-creep and builds #psychologicalsafety. 6. Reflect on projects that you were a part of that were successful without being perfect. Remind yourself that you and everyone around you survived! Remember, truly high standards should elevate people, not diminish them. The best #leaders don't just drive excellence—they make excellence achievable. What's one way you've balanced high standards with reasonable expectations? I'd love to hear your approach. #DEIB #perfectionism #accountability #leadership

I recently coached a team leader who had hit a wall. Great instincts, strong vision—but every mistake felt personal. Every critique, a threat. Every missed target, a question of worth. He didn’t need more strategy. He needed to step away from some unexamined narratives stuck on repeat, and... He needed a new "Mantra Playlist" with greatest hits like: -I am not finished. I am forming. -Growth begins where comfort ends. -Struggle is the work. -I choose formation over perfection. -Failure is not final, it's formative. -Curiosity keeps me moving. -Effort shapes what talent cannot. -Progress is slower (and deeper) than it looks. -Who I’m becoming matters more than what I achieve. -Resilience is built, not born. That’s the core of a Growth Mindset. It’s not about faking positivity. It’s not about glossing over failure. It IS about rewiring your perspective (and brain) toward curiosity, learning, and development. And science spells out the payoff: -Teams that adopt growth mindset cultures see higher innovation rates and adaptability (Dweck, Harvard Business Review) -Leaders who model learning over perfection build psychological safety—the #1 predictor of high-performing teams (Google Project Aristotle) Growth Mindset isn’t a posture. It’s a system of belief that shapes resilience. The leaders and teams that endure? They don’t just chase wins. They rewire for formation: "always be learning." 📌 Where are you (or your team) being invited to grow—without needing to get it right the first time? #growthmindset #leadershipdevelopment #groundedandgrowing #formation #learningculture #resilience #leadershiphabits