Managing Perfectionism in Leadership

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

🌓 “Just Say No.” Three words that sound like power, but feel like punishment. For women, "No" isn’t just a decision. It’s a reputation risk, a relationship gamble, and an emotional weight we carry long after the meeting ends. 🪞 Women don’t lack the ability to say no. We lack the permission to say it without consequences. 🧠 When we do say no, we don’t just avoid a task, we spend the next 72 hours calculating fallout: “Will I be seen as unhelpful?” “Did I just close a door?” “Will this show up in my performance review?” 🧽 Meanwhile, women are asked 44% more often than men to take on the tasks no one wants, the office housework that keeps things running, and keeps us invisible. 🧷 Why does this keep happening? Because the system assumes women will say yes. Because harmony gets rewarded while ambition gets audited. Because it’s easier to default to “the reliable one” than to fix a broken distribution of labor. 🛠 Three moves you can help yourself out of the trap: ✅ Trade, don’t absorb. “Yes, if…” or “No, because…” Turn every ask into a business trade. Script: “Happy to own X this time. To protect deliverable Y, I’ll pause Z. Please confirm priority so I update timelines.” Or: “That sits outside my scope. Best owner is [role]. If needed, I can review for 15 minutes", (no ownership) ✅ Make receipts louder than smiles. Convert invisible work into visible artifacts, on paper, in public. Script: “Summarizing: facilitated client retro (1 hr), produced minutes and action log (45 min), unblocked A/B (impact: on-time launch). Monthly, send a two-line value memo: “Here are the operational lifts I absorbed, hours saved, and impact on revenue/risk. For next month, I’ll rotate out of these so I can advance [strategic goal].” ✅ Redirect the pattern, not just the task. Stop the volunteer trap at the source. Script: “Instead of volunteers, let’s assign by role and rotate. I can take notes this sprint; next sprint goes to [name]." If it keeps circling back to you: “I’ve done the last two. Who’s next in the rotation?” If senior pressure persists: “I’m at capacity. If this is the highest priority, which deliverable should slip? I’ll need that trade-off noted.” 🧭 And if you lead, look closer: if your team runs on the unpaid labor of a few women, that’s not high performance, it’s quiet exploitation. 🎯 This isn’t about teaching women to be tougher. It’s about YOU teaching workplaces to stop taking advantage of women’s strength, and giving women the scripts and setups to be seen and heard without penalties. 📆 Therefore, we’re running “How to be seen and heard at work”, a live, tactical workshop on the 2nd. Oct, on saying no without fallout, turning invisible work into visible impact, and engineering influence without overwork. Join here: https://lnkd.in/gte3PVrM 👊 Because your next promotion shouldn’t require a smiley-faced apology, or a second shift.

Have you ever been told you are too quiet? Maybe you don’t speak up enough so, “people worry about your leadership skills.” Or, you don’t advocate enough for yourself so, “you aren’t taking control of your career like a natural born leader.” If so, this article is for you. Maybe you’ve received feedback that there is concern over your analytical skills and “quant chops.” Or, there is some general, yet vague, feedback that leadership worries, “you lack that killer instinct.” Or, maybe it’s the opposite and you are “too bossy” or “too opinionated.” Have you heard any of these things?  I have over my career. Instead of letting them control my path, I got upset, then angry, then curious. I decided that none of these descriptions were really a good read on me, or my leadership potential, and I decided to change the perception. You can too. I’ve interviewed hundreds of women in senior leadership over the years and one thing is clear: we’re navigating a constant push and pull. Be strong, but not too strong. Be likable, but not too soft. Show your ambition, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Women aren’t just doing the job, they’re doing the extra work of managing how they’re perceived while they’re doing the job. We wrote this piece for HBR because it’s important for women to know how to not only subvert stereotypes and shape how others see them, but to do it without losing themselves in the process. Too many of us think there is nothing we can do when we hear feedback that doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes, there are actions we can take. I love this piece so much because it says we don’t have to be victim to the stories about us or around us, we can do something about it.   1️⃣ Craft a counternarrative – Instead of internalizing biased feedback, reshape how people see you by aligning your strengths with what the organization values (on your terms!). 2️⃣ Use positive association – Enthusiasm and future-focused language can subtly shift others’ assumptions  and build trust. 3️⃣ Turn feedback into power – Don’t immediately accept or reject it, investigate it. Use it to understand what success looks like in your environment, and then find authentic ways to express that in your own leadership style. So if you’ve ever felt like your success depends not just on what you do, but how you’re seen…you’re not imagining it. Especially in times of economic uncertainty and shifting priorities, it becomes even more pronounced. And while there are no one-size-fits-all strategies, when women take control of their story, they open doors for themselves AND others. Let’s stop contorting ourselves to fit outdated models. We can rewrite the models themselves. Let me know what you think. https://lnkd.in/gcCSE7XW Colleen Ammerman Harvard Business Review Lakshmi Ramarajan Lisa Sun

We've been conditioned to believe that "good" women make themselves smaller: speak softer, apologize more, defer quicker. But being a leader isn't about shrinking to fit other people's comfort zones. It's about expanding to fill the role that your vision, expertise, and impact deserve. And yet, we still catch ourselves minimizing our contributions in meetings, hedging our statements with "I think maybe..." and literally making ourselves smaller by slouching. We've been taught to be grateful for crumbs when we should be setting the table. That's space abdication. Women: your discomfort with taking up space is someone else's comfort with you staying small. Every time you shrink, you're not just limiting yourself; you're modeling limitation for every woman watching. And trust me, they're watching. (And if you're reading this, you're watching me so I'd BETTER take up space.) Taking up space isn't about becoming aggressive or adopting masculine behaviors (though there's nothing wrong with those either, if they're authentically you). It's about showing up as the full version of yourself, with all your ideas, insights, and yes, your strong opinions intact. Here's your roadmap to claiming your rightful space: 1. Speak first in meetings. Not after you've heard everyone else's thoughts and carefully calibrated your response. Lead with your perspective, then listen and adapt. 2. Stop hedging your expertise. Replace "I'm not an expert, but..." with "In my experience..." You didn't accidentally end up in a leadership role. 3. Take up physical space. Sit forward, not back. Gesture naturally. Use your full vocal range. (I've been accused of not having an "inside voice". Oh well!) Your body language should match the size of your ideas. 4. Own your wins publicly. When someone asks how the project went, don't say "the team was amazing." Say "I'm proud of how I led the team to deliver X results." 5. Interrupt the interrupters. "Let me finish that thought" is a complete sentence. So is "I wasn't done speaking." Your leadership isn't a consolation prize or a diversity initiative. It's a business imperative. The world needs what you bring, but only if you're willing to bring all of it. #womenleaders #communication #executivepresence

The Real Reasons Women are Exiting the Workforce As a senior leader at the intersection of policy, product, and advocacy, I've witnessed a critical trend that demands our attention. I've witnessed, firsthand, a disheartening trend: accomplished women, poised for leadership, choosing to exit the workforce. This exodus isn't due to a lack of ambition or capability but stems from systemic challenges that remain unaddressed. Top 3 Reasons Women are Quitting: 1/ Burnout Epidemic: Balancing high-stakes professional roles with personal responsibilities often leads to chronic stress and exhaustion. Many women find themselves at a breaking point, questioning whether enduring this relentless pressure is sustainable.The absence of adequate support systems exacerbates this fatigue, making the option to step away seem like the only viable solution. 2/ Comfort Zone Trap: Many talented women are paralyzed between known mediocrity and unknown potential. The fear of breaking away from 'comfort' keeps them stagnant. 3/ Stagnation in Career Advancement Despite their dedication and expertise, numerous women encounter barriers that hinder their progression into senior leadership roles. This glass ceiling not only stifles their professional growth but also diminishes their motivation to remain within organizations that fail to recognize and reward their contributions. I recall a conversation with a mentee—a brilliant product manager and mother of two. Despite her exemplary performance, she felt perpetually on the brink of burnout, unseen in her aspirations, and constrained by an inflexible schedule.Her story is not unique but echoes the experiences of many. The solution I proposed to her focused on three critical strategies: 1/ Speak to your manager about a flexibility and office timings that allow her to balance professional responsibilities with family needs. Manage your time more effectively and wisely 2/ Create a career progression plan in the current job that identifies opportunities available for exceptional impact and a future promotion, to break the stagnation she found herself in 3/ Contribute to organisation wide initiatives that establish open communication channels and implement policies that support work-life balance, in turn helping others through the same dilemma. This demonstrates commitment to her and her organisations collective success. Women aren't just leaving jobs—they're making powerful statements about workplace culture. It's imperative that we, as leaders and organizations, confront these challenges head-on. Creating structured mentorship opportunities can provide women with guidance, support, and advocacy, helping them navigate career challenges and advance into leadership roles. Mentorship isn't just support—it's survival. Your Turn: >> What trends have you noticed contributing to this issue, and >> How can we collaboratively create a more inclusive and supportive workplace for all?

She said yes to every single project. Yet, she was overlooked for the promotion. They said: “She’s irreplaceable.” “We’d be lost without her.” But when it came time to lead the next big thing - She wasn’t even on the list. Over the past decade working in women’s leadership, I’ve seen this story play out far too often. Women staying in roles long past their expiration. Not because they lack clarity - But because they’ve been conditioned to confuse loyalty with worth. Loyalty to a team. To a leader. To a company culture that praises their reliability... But never promotes their vision. So how do you ensure you’re valued - not just used - for all that you bring to the table? Here are 5 practical, research-backed strategies I’ve seen top performers consistently use: ✅ Be Known for Vision, Not Just Execution ↳ “She delivers” is solid. ↳ “She sets the direction” is strategic. ↳ Build a reputation rooted in foresight - not just follow-through. ✅ Document and Distill Your Wins ↳ Don’t wait to be noticed. ↳ Capture and communicate your impact consistently. ↳ Think: outcomes, initiatives, feedback snapshots. ↳ This becomes your proof of value during reviews, promotions, or pivots. ✅ Speak the Language of Business ↳ Translate your work into metrics that matter: revenue, retention, growth, efficiency. ↳ When leaders see your contribution tied to business outcomes, you shift from “nice to have” to “can’t afford to lose.” ✅ Build Cross-Functional Credibility ↳ Influence isn’t built in silos. ↳ Make your value visible across teams. ↳ When multiple departments rely on your insight, you become a strategic connector - not just a contributor. ✅ Create Strategic Allies, Not Just Mentors ↳ Power isn’t just about performance - it’s about proximity to influence. ↳ Nurture relationships with decision-makers, peer champions, and collaborators. Influence grows through meaningful connection. The truth is - being essential isn’t the same as being seen. You can be deeply loyal to others - and still loyal to your own growth. These shifts aren’t just career strategies. They’re acts of self-respect. Because when you decide to lead from alignment, not obligation - You stop waiting to be chosen. And start choosing yourself. 💬 Which of these strategies feels most relevant to where you are right now? I’d love to hear in the comments below. ♻ Repost if you believe it’s time to stop rewarding quiet loyalty - and start recognizing conscious leadership. 🔔 Follow me, Bhavna Toor, for more. 📩 DM me to bring our holistic leadership development programs to your organization - that are a powerful combination of inner-work and real-world strategy.

A highly qualified woman sat across from me yesterday.   Her resume showed 15 years of C-suite experience. Multiple awards. Industry recognition.   Yet she spoke about her success like it was pure luck.   SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of female executives experience this same phenomenon.   I see it daily through my work with thousands of women leaders. They achieve remarkable success but internally believe they fooled everyone.   Some call it imposter syndrome. I call it a STRUCTURAL PROBLEM.   Let me explain...   When less than 5% of major companies have gender-balanced leadership, women question whether they belong.   My first board appointment taught me this hard truth.   I walked into that boardroom convinced I would say something ridiculous. Everyone seemed so confident.   But confidence plays tricks on us.   Perfect knowledge never exists. Leadership requires:   • Recognising what you know • Admitting what you miss • Finding the right answers • Moving forward anyway   Three strategies that transformed my journey:   1. Build your evidence file Document every win, every positive feedback, every successful project. Review it before big meetings. Your brain lies. Evidence speaks truth.   2. Find your circle Connect with other women leaders who understand your experience. The moment you share your doubts, someone else will say "me too."   3. Practice strategic vulnerability Acknowledging areas for growth enhances credibility. Power exists in saying "I'll find out" instead of pretending omniscience.   REALITY CHECK: This impacts business results.   Qualified women: - Decline opportunities - Downplay achievements - Hesitate to negotiate - Withdraw from consideration   Organisations lose valuable talent and perspective.   The solution requires both individual action and systemic change.   We need visible pathways to leadership for women. We need to challenge biased feedback. We need women in leadership positions in meaningful numbers.   Leadership demands courage, not perfect confidence.   The world needs leaders who push past doubt - not because they never experience it, but because they refuse to let it win. https://lnkd.in/gY9G-ibh

I used to think my relentless pursuit of excellence was just who I am. I pride myself for operating at a high standard. But deep down? It was armor. Because when you’re different from those in power—by race, gender, class, or identity—when you experience systemic bias …often You learn early: ⚠️ The margin for error for you is razor-thin. The research confirms the workplace culture: 📌 Women of color face harsher performance scrutiny. 📌 Presumed less competent—no matter our credentials. 📌 Failures are magnified, successes questioned. 📌 Vague feedback 🤔 that penalised, not the kind that fuels career growth. 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞. 𝐈𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐲𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐦. The irony? Perceived to be too intense, too risk-averse ❌not leaderlike. Dear Leaders, I know you care. I know you want to make a difference. Here’s How You Can Change This: ✅ Challenge the double standard - who gets promoted, forgiven, and given a shot. Use your influence to set the tone at the top. ✅ Look beyond "gravitas". True leadership lies in capability and impact. ✅ Mentor & sponsor those different from you. Provide specific actionable feedback that are career advancing. Be the lift, not the gatekeeper. For Those Managing Perfectionism: 🔹 If a leader penalizes you for "never being enough", leave. 🔹 Walk towards those who values you. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦. 💭 Leaders, when you notice perfectionism in your team, what steps are you taking? Let’s talk. 👇🏾 Koon Executive Coach #careerhackwithkoon DM 👉1:1 coaching 👉Leadership Training Program 👉Keynote speaker/panelist Links to research 👇

Here’s a thought: if you’re following someone else’s idea of what “good leadership” looks like, are you really leading? For too long, the expectations for leaders – especially women in senior roles – have stayed stuck in a one-size-fits-all mould. We’ve been encouraged to be polished, perfectly prepared, even predictable. But where’s the room for bold, original or different thinking in that? Real impact comes from doing the unexpected, from leading with the unique skills and stories you bring to the table – not the ones you’re expected to. I’ve seen it time and again with the powerhouse women I coach: the moment they stop squeezing into outdated “leadership ideals” and start leading in a way that’s uniquely them, they not only gain influence – they change the conversation entirely. 💪🏻 If you’re ready to challenge the status quo, start here: 𝟭. 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲𝘀 – the parts of you that don’t fit the mould? That’s where your power is. Show up with the whole picture, not just the polished parts. 𝟮. 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻 “𝗻𝗼” 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁 – when you hear “we’ve always done it this way,” that’s your cue to bring fresh thinking. 𝟯. 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗹𝗲 – real leadership is about the impact you create, not the job title on your 'old skool' business card. Real change won’t come from blending in – it comes from leading with originality, insight, and a healthy dose of courage. So, let me ask: what part of the “leadership rulebook” are you ready to throw out? #leadership #professionalwomen #careers www.AmandaBlesing.com

Striving for “perfect” can cost you progress. As women, many of us are taught early that we must be twice as good to be taken seriously. It can push us to achieve incredible things. But it can also quietly chip away at confidence, creativity, and resilience. In leadership, perfectionism isn’t just unsustainable - it’s counterproductive. I’ve learnt that striving for “perfect” often delays decisions that need to be made. It can stifle innovation because true progress demands a willingness to try, fail, adapt, and try again. Good leaders don’t have all the answers. They don’t wait until every piece fits perfectly. They set a clear direction, listen carefully, act decisively, and improve and build as they go. It’s far better to make a considered decision, learn from it, and keep moving than to be paralysed by fear of not getting it 100% right. Achieving progress, not perfection, is where real growth happens.