Women leading without cutting others down

A senior team leader asked me this in a workshop: “When I focus on being approachable, I feel like I lose control. When I’m strict, I get results but the energy drops.” We unpacked it together as I shared research insight from Amy Cuddy: We judge leaders on two dimensions: ▪️ Warmth (Do you care about me?) ▪️ Competence (Can you lead me?) Without warmth, competence feels threatening. Without competence, warmth feels irrelevant. The trick isn’t choosing one - it’s sequencing: 1. Lead with warmth to open trust. 2. Follow with competence to earn respect. ‼️ BUT for women leaders, this isn’t just sequencing but also navigating the double bind. Show too much warmth → risk being seen as “soft” and incompetent. Show too much competence → risk being called “cold” or “abrasive.” This is where psychological safety 🧠  changes the game. When your team feels safe to speak up, challenge, and make mistakes, you don’t have to work twice as hard to prove you’re both caring and capable - the culture does that for you. 3 ways to balance both trust and respect: 1️⃣ Signal authority through clarity, not volume Be explicit about expectations, priorities, and decision-making rights - this earns respect without creating fear. 2️⃣ Build trust in micro-moments Small acts like asking a genuine question, admitting a small mistake, thanking someone for speaking up compound into lasting warmth. 3️⃣ Pair every standard with support When you raise the bar, also raise the safety net. “I expect us to deliver this and I’ll help remove the obstacles in your way.” 📍 In my Leadership Program: How to Be a Leader Who Builds High-Performing Teams and a Psychologically Safe Culture, I teach leaders how to: - Signal warmth without losing authority - Hold high standards without creating fear - Use psychological safety as a lever for both trust and performance Because when you get this balance right, people don’t just follow you because they have to but they follow you because they want to. P.S.: If you’re a leader, have you found your own way to balance being liked and being respected?

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

🤏🏼 It takes so little for men to be trusted as leaders 🤏🏼 And it takes so little for women to be questioned as one. When I took my first Senior Director role in Germany, deep in the male-dominated automotive world, my future boss and I had a quiet heart-to-heart. “Jingjin, in this world, women in power are seen in only two ways: The Victim or The Villain. There is no third option, at least not yet. Which one you choose will define your entire leadership path.” I said I’d be a Victor. Naively believing performance alone would protect me. It didn’t. Because Leadership isn’t just about competence. It’s about perception. And perception for women is often rigged. 🔻 Be firm → You're a bitch 🔻 Be soft → You're weak 🔻 Be nurturing → You're not tough enough 🔻 Be assertive → You’re intimidating 🔻 Be collaborative → You lack authority 🔻 Show ambition → You’re self-serving 🔻 Set boundaries → You’re difficult 🔻 Show emotion → You’re unstable Meanwhile, men doing the exact same things? They’re seen as confident, visionary, and decisive. The game isn't fair, but it can be hacked. 💥 Here’s how I’ve learned to play it smarter, not smaller: 1. Stop aiming to be liked. Aim to be trusted.    Likability is a moving target. Respect isn’t.     2. Use duality to your advantage.    Be warm in tone, cold in logic.    Kind in delivery, fierce in boundaries.    That’s power wrapped in emotional intelligence.     3. Make allies before you need them.    Don’t wait until you're under fire.    Visibility without relationship capital = exposure.     4. Own the label, then flip it.    “Yes, I’m intense. That’s how we hit targets others thought were impossible.” Say it before they do, and reclaim it.     👊🏽 We don’t need to lead like men to be effective. But we do need to stop believing the myth that doing good work will be enough. Until we shift the system, we must strategically shape how we're seen within it. So here’s my new leadership mantra: You can care deeply and lead fiercely. You can be emotional and effective. And power isn’t a dirty word, when it’s used to lift others up. What label have you been given that you’re ready to flip? #Leadership #WomenInLeadership #WorkplacePolitics #RealTalk #ExecutivePresence #RewriteTheRules

You walk into the room. You take the right seat. And then—someone starts talking to the man next to you. It happens more often than it should. A friend of mine—an accomplished executive in a male-dominated field—recently shared how she handles this moment. She regularly meets with dignitaries and senior leaders. She takes the appropriate seat across from the most senior decision-maker—because she is the most senior leader from her organization. And yet, too often, the conversation begins with her male colleague beside her. A trusted member of her team, yes—but not the one leading the engagement. Her response? Pure executive presence. She gives her colleague a subtle signal to hold back. She listens. She waits. And then, at the right moment, she steps in—decisively and with clarity. The dynamic shifts. Her leadership is unmistakable. And sometimes, the initial misstep becomes leverage in the conversation. It’s not about ego. It’s about command—about knowing when to speak, how to pivot, and how to lead. I wish moments like this didn’t still happen. But they do. And while I’ve had the privilege of working with men who deeply respect and support women in leadership, we still operate in a world where assumptions linger—and presence must sometimes precede perception. So how do we lead through it—and create a better stage for those rising behind us? We stay sharp. We stay grounded. We lead the room before we speak. For women rising in leadership: 🔹 Let presence precede position. Don’t wait for a title to validate your authority—own the room before anyone asks who’s in charge. 🔹 Empower your team to echo your leadership—without saying a word. Silence, when intentional, can be the strongest show of alignment and respect. 🔹 Turn being underestimated into your competitive edge. When others misread the power dynamic, use the moment to reposition—and redefine—the conversation. We’re not just here to be included. We’re here to set new standards. And if we do this right—those coming next won’t have to prepare for moments like this. They’ll never have to face them at all.

We’re told to be kind, yet firm; compassionate, yet decisive. It’s a balancing act that can feel overwhelming, especially when juggling the demands of a high-powered career with the human side of leadership. I’ve faced my own struggles with this. There were times when I felt torn between offering support to my team and holding them accountable. It’s easy to default to one extreme—being too empathetic, or too focused on results—but I’ve learned that true leadership comes from balancing both. Here’s what I’ve discovered: ✨ Empathy without accountability can lead to missed goals and team complacency. ✨ Accountability without empathy creates stress, anxiety, and burnout for everyone involved. But when you lead by example, integrating both into your leadership style, you inspire your team to rise to their best potential. You show that caring and challenging can coexist. How do you balance empathy and accountability? Here are three steps that helped me find harmony: 👂 Listen first: Truly hear the struggles and challenges of your team. This builds trust. 👁️ Set clear expectations: Accountability doesn’t mean being rigid; it means being transparent about what success looks like. 💞 Lead with compassion: Understand that mistakes happen. It’s how we grow. Offer guidance, not just critique. Remember, your leadership style is your greatest asset. By leading with empathy and accountability, you can foster an environment where women—especially those navigating male-dominated spaces—feel empowered to thrive, achieve, and grow. 🌱 To all the ambitious women leaders out there, let’s continue to lead with heart and strength. Together, we can create change that resonates far beyond our immediate teams.

Too often in business, women leaders have a mindset that "there can only be one seat at the table." I myself have experienced that subtle pressure to view others as competition rather than collaborators. But one of the most powerful lessons I've learned at is that true transformative leadership requires us to stop competing and start learning from our peers. Here's what I've discovered: • Experience isn't just vertical.  ↳ The IT leader, finance executive, or sales director: each brings unique perspectives that can enhance your own leadership. • Strong peer networks create a multiplier effect.  ↳ When you can enjoy authentic relationships with the people you work with, you gain a deeper understanding of the business beyond your immediate scope. Humana is a wonderful company as I'm fortunate to work with incredible leaders who model this every day. Whether we're implementing new IT technology or tackling complex healthcare industry challenges, we recognize that combined expertise leads to better solutions. The strongest transformations happen when we leverage our collective expertise, support each other's growth, and celebrate our diverse strengths. I always remind my peers: not only is there room for all of us at the table - for success, we all need to have a seat at it. #WomenInLeadership #TransformativeLeadership

Power in leadership isn't about commanding the room. It's about creating the conditions where people choose to stay and thrive. We know this. We've heard it before. Yet employee engagement continues its 20-year decline revealing a harsh truth: 👉🏾 Leaders are still leading through control, not connection. Why does this persist? Because we've been conditioned to see power as domination. When women claim power authentically, they're labeled "too much." When we don't, we're dismissed as "not leadership material". Here's what I've learned: this double bind is a feature, not a bug. The system is designed to make us uncomfortable with power, so we'll give it away. Let's reject that invitation. ✅ Real power is influence that creates win-win outcomes. It's the ability to listen first, then mobilize people and resources around shared vision. Not for compliance but for genuine commitment. The magic happens in that alignment: when people see themselves in your vision, they don't just follow, they co-create. I'm seeing more employees send this message to positional leaders: "You have no power here." Translation: Your title means nothing if you haven't earned trust. The solution isn't more authority, it's better leadership. This means: 🔹Building a real community, not just collecting contacts 🔹Asking what motivates each person (don’t assume) 🔹Leading with rest and recovery, not just resilience 🔹Knowing when to collaborate, and when to take the lead 💡 Power isn't a dirty word it's a leadership skill worth mastering. The question isn't whether you have power. 👉🏾It's whether you're using it to create the conditions where everyone can succeed. 🔍 What's one way you've seen a leader use power to elevate others? 📬I send a biweekly newsletter for women leaders who want practical, actionable strategies, not just insights. If you’re making bold moves and leading with intention, subscribe here: https://lnkd.in/eQPvEVxb #Leadership #PowerAndInfluence #WomenInLeadership #TrustMatters #AnchoredLeadership #WorkplaceCulture