Techniques for Empathetic Problem Solving

Empathy isn’t soft it’s a superpower. Used wrong, it burns leaders out. Here’s how to make it sustainable. Empathic orgs see more creativity, helping, resilience and less burnout and attrition. Employees (esp. Millennials/Gen Z) now expect it. Wearing the “empathy helmet” means you feel everyone’s highs and lows. Middle managers fry first. Caring ≠ self-sacrifice. The fix = Sustainable empathy Care without collapsing by stacking: self-compassion → tuned caring → practice. So drop the martyr mindset. • Notice your stress (name it) • Remember it’s human & shared • Talk to yourself like you would a friend • Ask for help model it and your team will too Why does this matter? Unchecked stress dulls perspective and spikes reactivity. When leaders absorb nonstop venting, next-day negativity rises and so does mistreatment. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Move 2: Tune your caring Two empathies: • Emotional empathy = feel their pain • Empathic concern = help relieve it Keep concern high, distress low. “Caring binds; sharing blinds.” How to tune (in the moment) • 60 seconds of breathing before hard talks • Validate without absorbing: “This is hard and it makes sense.” • Boundaries + presence: “I’m here. Let’s focus on next steps.” • Offer concrete help: “Here’s what we’ll try by Friday.” • Also share joy celebrate wins to refuel the tank Move 3: Treat empathy as a skill It’s trainable. Build emotional balance: shift from absorbing pain → generating care. Try brief compassion meditation (“May you be safe, well, at ease.”) and pre-regulate before tough conversations. Mini audit after tough chats Ask yourself: • How much did I feel with vs. care for? • What do they need long-term? • What will I do to help this week? A simple script 1. Validate: “I can see why this stings.” 2. Future: “Success looks like X.” 3. Action: “Let’s do Y by [date]; I’ll support with Z.” Team rituals that sustain you • Start meetings with “What help do you need?” • Normalize asking for support • Micro-celebrate progress weekly • Protect recovery blocks on calendars Self-compassion + tuned concern + practice = sustainable empathy. What’s one habit you’ll try this week to protect your energy and support your team?

Last week, we were hired by a large U.S. management consulting company to coach their directors who were transitioning into partner roles. These super-bright participants had excelled at top business schools and used their sharp analytical skills to solve complex client problems. However, as they moved into management, their analytical prowess became less effective and, in some cases, even obstructive in building strong relationships. Here’s what we discovered: these directors were using listening and interactions primarily as a means to problem-solve. They listened intending to identify, define, and analyse the client’s issues, then quickly offered solutions. While this approach served them well in consulting, it often hindered their ability to build the deep, relational connections necessary for business. Top 3 Takeaways with Action Steps: 1. Listen Beyond Problem-Solving: Please focus on emotions and values. When someone comes to you with a problem, go beyond summarizing details. Pay attention to the emotions, values, and strengths they express. This helps in building a more genuine connection. 2. Shift Your Approach: Recognize relationship needs. Understand that effective management requires more than problem-solving. It involves developing relationships, understanding others’ perspectives, and addressing their emotional and personal needs. 3. Practice Deep Listening: Practice naming the emotions and values you hear during conversations. This simple shift can transform your interactions from transactional to relational, fostering stronger connections with your team and clients. Warmth and connection are crucial as you grow into leadership. Are you ready to move beyond problem-solving and build meaningful relationships? #Leadership #Empathy #ActiveListening #Management #ExecutivePresence #Training

Struggling to regain control during a customer's rant? 😓 I've got a powerful technique that'll help you smoothly transition from listening to problem-solving! Let's talk about the "Snatch and Flip" method. It's a game-changer for guiding heated conversations towards resolution. Here's how it works: Listen actively 👂 - Focus on understanding the customer's core issue - Pay attention to repeated themes or concerns Identify the main pain point 🎯 - What's the customer mentioning most frequently? - Look for emotional cues (e.g., frustration, inconvenience, wasted time) Snatch and flip 🔄 - Acknowledge the key concern - Transition smoothly into problem-solving mode For example: Customer: "I can't believe this rental car broke down! My kids are tired, hungry, and we're missing a funeral. This is unacceptable!" You: "I'm so sorry you're experiencing this frustration. Let's get you and your kids back on the road as quickly as possible. I'm sending a tow truck with a new rental car right away. Can you give me your exact location?" See how it works? You've acknowledged their main concern (the kids' discomfort) and immediately shifted to a solution. Remember, the goal isn't to interrupt - it's to show you've truly heard their concerns and are ready to help. This technique keeps both empathy and efficiency in balance. Next time a customer starts venting, try the Snatch and Flip method. You might be surprised at how quickly it can turn a heated rant into a productive conversation! What's your biggest challenge when dealing with upset customers? Share your thoughts below! 👇

On #WorkingWithClients | I employ something called a 3 to 1 ratio when working with clients. When a client asks me a question, I have to ask three clarifying questions before I give one response. This does three things: 1.) It slows my processor down. My initial inclination is to solve the client's problem. And boy, does my mind race with all types of plausible solutions. Utilizing the 3 to 1 method helps me self-regulate my excited emotional state while not triggering that of the clients. 2.) Over the years, I've learned that hearing the client and listening to the client are separate activities. When I hear my clients, my biases and interpretations of what they say usually get in the way of my judgment. When I listen to the client, I navigate an empathetic process to deliver a compassionate solution. 3.) Lastly, compassion can only happen when I genuinely understand and feel the spirit of my client's needs. I can only do this effectively by asking follow-up questions that allow us to get closer to the truth about my client's situation. Remember, story truth and factual truth can be the same to the client because they are speaking to the emotion of their experience. I aim to work from story truth to factual truth and back to story truth again. Where does this come from? When I worked at LaGrange College (circa 2008/2009), our college President, Dan McAlexander, gave a presentation on engaging dissonance. He used the metaphor of peeling the onion to identify friction points in the workplace—we could only understand and solve a problem by understanding it two to three levels beneath the surface. Given my role working with families and students, it made sense to treat them in the same manner. I haven't looked back since and have encouraged thousands of young financial professionals to do the same. Cheers! Dr. Thomas

The mom needed jeans for her 13-year-old son. She was nervous and worried about getting it wrong. I was a 16-year-old retail associate, about to get my first lesson in customer empathy. Empathy comes from a shared or relatable experience. It helps us better understand our customer's needs so we can provide a better experience. Clearly, I didn't SHARE my customer's experience. I didn't know how it felt to be a mom trying to buy clothes for a teenage boy. But I could RELATE to the mom for two reasons. First, I had recently been someone's 13-year-old son. Second, I knew how it felt to be overwhelmed when you went shopping for a gift. I reassured the mom, asked her some questions about her son, and helped her buy the perfect pair of jeans. The mom returned with her son a week later to buy more. She was beaming with pride and confidence since the first pair was a huge hit. She was my first repeat customer. Empathy for the win. It took me awhile to break down the technique I had used to empathize with my customer in that moment. Here's the process: 1. Identify the emotion I could tell the mom was feeling nervous. 2. Ask yourself, "Why is this customer feeling this way?" The mom told me directly. She wanted to make sure she bought the right jeans for her son and worried about getting it wrong. 3. Think about a time when you had a similar feeling.  I instantly thought about times when I was nervous about buying something for someone else. 4. Try to demonstrate that you know how they feel. Relating to the mom helped me understand she was looking for assurance. I knew a lot about both our products and the jean preferences of teenage boys, so it was easy for me to make suggestions. 💡Try this technique: practice empathizing with customers you serve today. You might be amazed at how it can improve the experience!

Hi 👋🏽 I’m Dr. Claire! I'm an unapologetic humanist and intersectional #mental health,  public health, and racial & social justice thought leader, speaker, practitioner, and advocate. Welcome to week 32 of 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗗𝗿. 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗲 ™ where through this weekly series, I address mental health, social justice, and workplace wellness, through a human-centered and intersectional lens. My desire is to humanize our experiences both in and out of the workplace, educate about mental health and intersectionality, and help to destigmatize mental health needs and treatment. 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 👉🏽 Conflict can be productive when addressed through a lens that seeks to understand, honors diversity, celebrates perspectives, and respects experiences. 👉🏽 So often, in our personal and professional lives, we ignore conflict, often leaving it unresolved. While everyone responds differently, unresolved conflict may lead to distrust, emotional dysregulation, absenteeism, presenteeism, withholding contributions, or exiting. 👉🏽 How you address conflict can either mitigate or exacerbate experiences of mental health needs or promote or hinder inclusion. To protect the well-being of your teams and honor their experiences, when conflicts arise, 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗛.𝗘.𝗔.𝗥.𝗧. 𝗛 – 𝗛𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗦𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗗𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲: Create an honoring and supportive environment where individuals can express their feelings and concerns. Holding space ensures that all voices and perspectives are heard, which is key to understanding the needs. 𝗘 – 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘇𝗲 Approach conflict with empathy by acknowledging the emotional and lived experiences of all parties. 𝗔 – 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗱𝗱𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 Recognize the emotions and experiences of each person involved. Validating feelings and experiences may help foster psychological safety, reduce tension, and avoid feelings of isolation. If the problem is with specific individuals, seek to understand their perspectives while holding them accountable to expected standards. 𝗥 – 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗺 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗜𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻: Conflict resolution should always reinforce the values of diversity, equity, and inclusion. By reaffirming these commitments, you show that differences are valued and that the well-being of your team is a priority. 𝗧 – 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗴-𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: Once a resolution is reached, take steps to ensure that the conflict is addressed. This could include improving communication protocols, sharing action steps and expectations moving forward, creating ways for people to share concerns, and reviewing policies. Taking action shows that the well-being of your team matters. By leading with H.E.A.R.T., organizations can turn conflict into a catalyst for positive change and foster a workplace culture that prioritizes mental health, equity, and inclusion.

I recently lost my cool with someone doing work on our home. He was difficult to work with. Always telling me why something couldn't be done. Constantly saying that, I have to charge you more for this or that for very little things. I lost it and said "Then let's end this engagement and I'll find someone else to do it." I left the room. Took a few deep breaths as I hate losing my temper. As Ryan Holiday reminds me regularly, the stoics referred to anger as temporary insanity. I took a step back and pulled myself out of the situation. What was my goal? What did I need to get accomplished here? What was the most effective way to get this done? More importantly, I put myself in his shoes. What was his challenge? What was he trying to accomplish? Why was he being so difficult? I realized I could find another vendor, go through that hassle and may end up here again. Instead, I went back in the room, apologized (which I did not need to do) and asked this person, "how can we get what we both need done so we walk away happy?" He was taken back for a second and started to provide solutions. Within 5 minutes we were back on track. Lesson here: 1. Detach from the situation and look at it as if you are outside the room. It will give you a different perspective. 2. Empathize - Put yourself in someone else's shoes and you may have a totally different perspective. It does not mean they are right but it may help you get what you need out of them. 3. Focus on the end goal - Had I trusted my initial assumption, I would have found another vendor causing a wealth of issues including a delay in my project. 4. Take a beat - When you find yourself in a situation with your temper rising, take a minute to calm yourself down. A level head will always come up with a better solution. #bebettereveryday

When you can’t deliver what your potential client wants, you better understand what your potential client needs. Not too long ago, one of our rock-star engineers called me - Frustrated by a temperamental client. This potential client had a problem. The client thought they knew the solution. But, our engineer disagreed with the solution our potential client came up with. The Engineering cut-and-dry “no” didn’t sit well with this client that needed a solution. The email conversation between our engineer and this potential client quickly dissolved into frustration and aggravation. And still, no solution was found. I asked the engineer a simple question, “Do we want this man as a client?” He said: “Well, yeah…of course.” “Okay then, it’s your job to get past what the client wants YOU to do and find out what he wants to ACCOMPLISH with this project.” I told our engineer: “I think what you think he thinks he wants isn’t what he thinks he wants.” The client’s “solution” wasn’t a good one. But, serving the client meant getting past the “solution” to find the real problem. The one we COULD solve. This is listening. This is empathy. This is problem solving. This is sustainable practice. This is putting the client needs first - No matter what. Sometimes, that’s hard to do in an email. Better to do on the phone. Even better in person. A day later, the engineer called me. Problem (the real one) solved. How do you practice empathy with your clients? #BFWMarcum #leadership #empathy