Leading without apology as a woman

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

I don’t care if the world is ending. I don’t care if the deal is closing. I don’t care if the CEO is waiting. If I need to pick up my children, I’m leaving. And no, I’m not sorry about it. But I used to be. I used to apologize: For leaving at 5:55pm. For declining late calls. For not replying until after bedtime. I thought it made me look uncommitted. And it didn't help that I received comments from senior leadership. “You chose to have kids.” “Can’t you get a nanny?” “We really need you to be flexible.” Translation? "We only value you when you work like you don’t have children." Many women feel this. Torn between needing to be present at work and at home. Feeling guilty for being neither here nor there. This is a workplace culture problem. And a societal one. Because women are apologizing out of obligation to be: ➡️ Agreeable. ➡️ Grateful. ➡️ Forgoing our boundaries. Apologizing isn't the answer. Change is. Here’s how we start: ✅ Normalize visibility. Say “I have to leave for school pickup” with the same conviction as “I have a meeting with the CEO.” ✅ Challenge the culture. When apologizing, ask who you’re protecting. Your job or outdated expectations? ✅ Lead loudly. Especially if you’re senior. Show others parenting is part of being a whole human. ✅ Redefine professionalism. It’s not 24/7 availability. It’s sustainable, focused work. ✅ Become your own boss. (The option I chose) Answer to yourself and yourself alone. If a company ever makes you feel like parenting is a problem, the problem isn’t you. Sorry. Not sorry.

“If I speak like that… won’t I sound bitchy?” She asked this during my Speak with Conviction workshop—right after delivering a pitch that was confident, clear, and compelling. She nailed it. Strong structure. Steady voice. Presence that made people listen. She’s a leader. Smart. Seasoned. Respected. And yet—she hesitated. Not because she doubted her message. But because she feared how it might land. Too strong? Too blunt? Too much? This wasn’t about her voice. It was about the noise in her head. Somewhere along the way, we learned: ↳ Clarity is cold ↳ Confidence is arrogance ↳ Conviction makes people uncomfortable Especially if you’re a woman. Especially if you’ve ever been told to “smile more” or “soften your tone.” So we pad the truth. We wrap clarity in cotton wool. We apologise for having a point of view. Here’s what I reminded her—and the room: Clarity isn’t cruelty. Conviction isn’t combat. Confidence isn’t arrogance. It’s competence—with a voice. ⸻ Takeaways: ✅ You don’t need to shout to be heard ✅ You don’t need to dominate to lead ✅ You do need to stop apologising for existing If you’ve ever swallowed your words to stay “likeable”… Or softened your message until it barely landed… This is your sign. 📣 Say what you mean. 📣 Say it clearly. 📣 Say it like you mean it. They’ll adjust. #ExecutivePresence #AuthenticLeadership #Communication #LeadershipDevelopment #Storytelling

Leadership wasn't always designed with women in mind. Even at the executive level, the pressure is real: → Be direct, but not too direct. → Be visible, but not self-promoting. → Be confident, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable. These aren’t leadership principles. They’re performance cues. And too often, high-achieving women spend years mastering them  …only to feel disconnected from themselves when they get there. Authentic leadership isn’t just a throwaway term. ✅ It’s the difference between sounding like you “should” versus speaking from what you know. The women I coach aren’t lacking expertise. They’re navigating outdated narratives that tell them how leadership should look, instead of helping them lead from who they are. When you trade performance for presence,  you stop managing impressions and start making impact. → You say what needs to be said (with clarity, not hesitation.) → You lead with conviction (not with a script.) → You show up as yourself (not just as a title.) The shift isn’t about being louder or tougher. It’s about being rooted. Honest. Intentional. And that’s what authentic leadership actually looks like. — ♻️ Repost if this spoke to you.  🔔 Follow Frances Powell for more practical tips on building your executive presence. #womeninbusiness #communication #leadership #assertiveness

“Even at this age, you continue to work in full-time capacity?” “Oh! You run an engineering company?.”....Wow! I have heard versions of these comments for years. For a while I responded with a smile, sometimes with a polite thank you. Now I pause and ask myself what sits beneath those words. The surprise is never about me. It is about expectation. The expectation that women step back from work after a certain age or certain life event. The expectation that women excel only in certain fields. The expectation that ambition is conditional rather than natural. I often wonder if this is bias wrapped in curiosity or politeness. You see it in the subtleness of raised eyebrows when a woman shows up prepared. You hear it in the tone of disbelief when she speaks about systems with authority. I have no interest in being the exception that surprises people. My real work is to shift the baseline. To make it normal for women at every age, in every field, to be seen as leaders without a question mark attached. So the next time you catch yourself surprised when a woman builds, leads, or excels with experience on her side, just pause and ask yourself why that surprise exists at all. #leadership #growth #mindset #mindfulness #success