Leading With Authenticity

🤏🏼 It takes so little for men to be trusted as leaders 🤏🏼 And it takes so little for women to be questioned as one. When I took my first Senior Director role in Germany, deep in the male-dominated automotive world, my future boss and I had a quiet heart-to-heart. “Jingjin, in this world, women in power are seen in only two ways: The Victim or The Villain. There is no third option, at least not yet. Which one you choose will define your entire leadership path.” I said I’d be a Victor. Naively believing performance alone would protect me. It didn’t. Because Leadership isn’t just about competence. It’s about perception. And perception for women is often rigged. 🔻 Be firm → You're a bitch 🔻 Be soft → You're weak 🔻 Be nurturing → You're not tough enough 🔻 Be assertive → You’re intimidating 🔻 Be collaborative → You lack authority 🔻 Show ambition → You’re self-serving 🔻 Set boundaries → You’re difficult 🔻 Show emotion → You’re unstable Meanwhile, men doing the exact same things? They’re seen as confident, visionary, and decisive. The game isn't fair, but it can be hacked. 💥 Here’s how I’ve learned to play it smarter, not smaller: 1. Stop aiming to be liked. Aim to be trusted.    Likability is a moving target. Respect isn’t.     2. Use duality to your advantage.    Be warm in tone, cold in logic.    Kind in delivery, fierce in boundaries.    That’s power wrapped in emotional intelligence.     3. Make allies before you need them.    Don’t wait until you're under fire.    Visibility without relationship capital = exposure.     4. Own the label, then flip it.    “Yes, I’m intense. That’s how we hit targets others thought were impossible.” Say it before they do, and reclaim it.     👊🏽 We don’t need to lead like men to be effective. But we do need to stop believing the myth that doing good work will be enough. Until we shift the system, we must strategically shape how we're seen within it. So here’s my new leadership mantra: You can care deeply and lead fiercely. You can be emotional and effective. And power isn’t a dirty word, when it’s used to lift others up. What label have you been given that you’re ready to flip? #Leadership #WomenInLeadership #WorkplacePolitics #RealTalk #ExecutivePresence #RewriteTheRules

We've been conditioned to believe that "good" women make themselves smaller: speak softer, apologize more, defer quicker. But being a leader isn't about shrinking to fit other people's comfort zones. It's about expanding to fill the role that your vision, expertise, and impact deserve. And yet, we still catch ourselves minimizing our contributions in meetings, hedging our statements with "I think maybe..." and literally making ourselves smaller by slouching. We've been taught to be grateful for crumbs when we should be setting the table. That's space abdication. Women: your discomfort with taking up space is someone else's comfort with you staying small. Every time you shrink, you're not just limiting yourself; you're modeling limitation for every woman watching. And trust me, they're watching. (And if you're reading this, you're watching me so I'd BETTER take up space.) Taking up space isn't about becoming aggressive or adopting masculine behaviors (though there's nothing wrong with those either, if they're authentically you). It's about showing up as the full version of yourself, with all your ideas, insights, and yes, your strong opinions intact. Here's your roadmap to claiming your rightful space: 1. Speak first in meetings. Not after you've heard everyone else's thoughts and carefully calibrated your response. Lead with your perspective, then listen and adapt. 2. Stop hedging your expertise. Replace "I'm not an expert, but..." with "In my experience..." You didn't accidentally end up in a leadership role. 3. Take up physical space. Sit forward, not back. Gesture naturally. Use your full vocal range. (I've been accused of not having an "inside voice". Oh well!) Your body language should match the size of your ideas. 4. Own your wins publicly. When someone asks how the project went, don't say "the team was amazing." Say "I'm proud of how I led the team to deliver X results." 5. Interrupt the interrupters. "Let me finish that thought" is a complete sentence. So is "I wasn't done speaking." Your leadership isn't a consolation prize or a diversity initiative. It's a business imperative. The world needs what you bring, but only if you're willing to bring all of it. #womenleaders #communication #executivepresence

My number one piece of advice to women starting out in academia: don’t read your teaching evaluations. Hear me out. If your scores are high, the comments are just noise. Your brain—like everyone else’s—is wired to dwell on the negative. Negative comments will stick with you, even if they are irrelevant. You’ll remember them, you’ll react to them, and you’ll waste time and energy trying to fix things that don’t need fixing. If your scores are low, the default advice is to read the comments. My advice: don’t. Especially not if you’re a woman. At this point, there is a robust evidence base showing that student evaluations are a shockingly gender-biased measure of teaching performance. Not only are women rated lower than men for equivalent teaching, but the comments themselves reflect gender stereotypes. We know how gender stereotypes work: You’re either warm and likeable (but not seen as competent), or competent (but too “harsh” or “intimidating”). The written comments on your evaluations will likely reflect those stereotypes. Comments from the first category will focus on your lack of experience, question your fit or your expertise. Comments from the second category will describe you in ways that would be fine—admired, even—if you were a man: too confident, too critical, thinks she’s an expert. And let’s not forget the comments on your appearance and style. Often, junior women are advised to ask a senior colleague to read the comments and summarize the themes. In my opinion, all that does is concentrate the gender bias through a filter. There is a better way: ask a senior woman to observe your teaching. She’ll see you in action, in flow. She’ll see the classroom dynamics. And she’ll give you advice on how to navigate the gendered expectations without compromising your integrity or well-being. When my colleagues and I started doing this, we learned strategies we’d never have discovered through student feedback. Things like: 🎓 They don’t like you, so give them less of you. Use cases, exercises, student-led debriefs. 🎓They respect you, but you need to humanize yourself. Tell stories. Have fun with them. 🎓There’s a power struggle - step into it. Challenge them. Unsettle their assumptions. None of that advice would show up in written comments, but it made us better teachers. 👉 Does this resonate with your experience? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you—or what you wish you’d known earlier.

Climbing the leadership ladder exposes women to a tough reality. Leading authentically vs. the urge to conform. Pretending to be something you’re not will only earn you superficial respect. It may look like always adjusting your leadership style in meetings. The fear of being “too assertive” might rock the boat. Or watering down innovative ideas to fit into the traditional molds expected at your level. Every day, you might find yourself agreeing quietly in strategy sessions, even when your gut screams for a different approach. You may even be playing roles that don’t reflect your true abilities simply to fulfill outdated leadership stereotypes. The real pain comes when you realize you’re not just suppressing your voice. But denying your potential to truly lead and make an impact. True leadership comes not from playing it safe. But from knowing deeply : -who you are -what you stand for -fearlessly bringing those truths into every decision you make. With my clients, I tackle these challenges head-on, helping them to not only recognize but appreciate their unique leadership styles. We work together so they can lead with authenticity and impact without losing sight of who they are. Step into your power. Stop conforming. Start transforming. Because the world doesn't just need leaders. It needs you, fully and authentically you. #AliciaEmpowering

There’s a quiet tension that many of us carry When you step into spaces that weren’t designed with you in mind. You’ve worked for the seat. You’ve earned your place. But when you get there, you feel it… That invisible pressure: To shrink. To soften your voice. To adjust the volume of your identity until it fits comfortably within someone else’s definition of "professional.” It’s not always said out loud. It’s in the looks. The microcorrections. The way your ideas are heard differently. The way your presence is treated like a disruption when it’s actually a contribution. You can be included in the room and still feel like you’re performing for acceptance. Because “diversity” is the invitation. But “belonging” is what happens when you no longer have to explain yourself to be understood. And for those of us from underrepresented or marginalised backgrounds That moment is often delayed, if it arrives at all. You were never meant to blend in. You were meant to broaden the lens. To bring the story, the rhythm, the lens that the room didn’t know it needed until you showed up. Things I’ve Learned Navigating Spaces That Were Never Built With People Like Me in Mind: 1. Don’t confuse proximity with power. Being in the room doesn’t always mean you have influence yet. But presence is the first form of disruption. And if you’re the first or the only, your very existence there is a signal that the status quo is shifting. 2. You don’t have to erase yourself to be respected. You don’t need to change your tone, name, cadence, or essence to sound “credible.” Authenticity is not a liability it’s a form of leadership. 3. Belonging is not about being accepted as you are it’s about being unchanged by the pressure to conform. And that’s a deeper kind of success: staying whole in systems that quietly ask you to split. Hetes some Practical tips for Navigating These Spaces With Integrity: 1. Show up without shrinking. You don’t owe anyone a diluted version of who you are. Rehearse being yourself in full—not just the version that’s easiest to digest. 2. Ask the uncomfortable questions—even when it shakes the room. Your silence won’t save you. Your voice might just save someone else. 3. Build a circle that reminds you who you are. Find mentors, peers, and mirrors who affirm your value outside of titles, roles, or recognition. If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn your belonging twice Once through performance, And again through proving you're not a threat… You’re not imagining it. You’re just navigating a world that hasn’t fully caught up with your presence. But keep showing up. Keep expanding the room. And when you feel the urge to shrink, remember this: You’re not here to fit in. You’re here to reshape what belonging looks like. For yourself and for everyone still waiting behind you.

“My team members need to earn my trust – I start with restrictions & then remove them once they earn my trust.” – a colleague who had just inherited a new team said to me. “Start with restrictions?” – I clarified. “You know. They need to prove themselves first…” – he replied. “Prove that they are fit to be trusted?” – I asked. This was not the first time I was coming across a leader who believed this. And I come from a different school of thought – which is that you start with trust in your relationships including those with your team members. And yes in the rare scenario that someone breaks your trust; then you withdraw it, if necessary. Here is the way I look at it: If you don’t trust; you will not empower; you may end up micro managing or worse still doing the work that your team is actually supposed to. And that impacts delivery & agility. To trust means taking a leap of faith & the prerequisite, of course, is believing that people have good intentions (it is different from being gullible!). It also means that people will make mistakes, learn & improve. The best part though is that when you #leadwithtrust; people reciprocate - it makes you trustworthy too. They try harder because they are conscious of the trust you have placed in them & they don't want to disappoint you! And frankly, leaders need to earn their team’s trust as well - and that comes with consistency of actions over time. The gap between what a leaders says and what he/ she does, is at the heart of trust. This quote from Abraham Lincoln is a great reminder - "If you trust, you will be disappointed occasionally, if you mistrust, you will be miserable all the time." #leadwithtrust

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

"Black women aren't just doing their jobs. They're performing an exhausting one-woman show where the script changes daily." Let me break down what Black women navigate in professional spaces: We don't just choose our words. We filter them through a racial-gender matrix. We don't just speak. We modulate our tone to avoid the "angry" label. We don't just gesture. We control our hand movements to appear "non-threatening." We don't just dress. We calculate every outfit to seem "professional enough." We don't just style our hair. We make political decisions with each hairstyle. This isn't paranoia—it's strategic survival: When we speak directly, we're "aggressive" When we show emotion, we're "unprofessional" When we assert boundaries, we're "difficult" When we seek recognition, we're "entitled" When we express frustration, we're "hostile" The mental load is crushing: • Constantly scanning environments for potential hostility • Preparing responses to microaggressions before they happen • Developing thick skin while remaining "approachable" • Achieving twice as much while appearing humble • Advocating for ourselves without triggering stereotypes Research shows this hypervigilance takes a measurable toll: Black women experience higher rates of stress-related health conditions Black women report the highest levels of "bringing their full selves" to work Black women face the most severe career penalties for authentic self-expression Black women spend more mental energy on workplace navigation than any other group For those working alongside Black women, here are research-backed ways to help: 1. Amplify Black women's ideas and give proper credit 2. Interrupt when you witness tone-policing or stereotyping 3. Question double standards in evaluation and feedback 4. Create space for authentic expression without penalties 5. Recognise the invisible labour Black women perform daily 📢 When they expect us to carry the world, we choose rest 📢 The Black Woman's Rest Revolution offers: ✨ Black women therapists who understand workplace navigation ✨ Bi-weekly healing circles for processing code-switching fatigue ✨ Expert guidance through professional double standards ✨ Global sisterhood that honors our authentic selves Limited spots available Join our revolution: [Link in comments] ⚠️ Check your spam folder for confirmation Because we deserve workplaces where our expertise matters more than our tone. Because our brilliance shouldn't require constant repackaging. Because our professional value shouldn't depend on our likability. #BlackWomenAtWork #WorkplaceNavigation #ProfessionalAuthenticity #RestIsRevolution P.S. I help Black women heal from workplace abuse & racial trauma through revolutionary rest. 📸 Collaboration between Sarah_akinterwa & leaningorg on IG

She said yes to every single project. Yet, she was overlooked for the promotion. They said: “She’s irreplaceable.” “We’d be lost without her.” But when it came time to lead the next big thing - She wasn’t even on the list. Over the past decade working in women’s leadership, I’ve seen this story play out far too often. Women staying in roles long past their expiration. Not because they lack clarity - But because they’ve been conditioned to confuse loyalty with worth. Loyalty to a team. To a leader. To a company culture that praises their reliability... But never promotes their vision. So how do you ensure you’re valued - not just used - for all that you bring to the table? Here are 5 practical, research-backed strategies I’ve seen top performers consistently use: ✅ Be Known for Vision, Not Just Execution ↳ “She delivers” is solid. ↳ “She sets the direction” is strategic. ↳ Build a reputation rooted in foresight - not just follow-through. ✅ Document and Distill Your Wins ↳ Don’t wait to be noticed. ↳ Capture and communicate your impact consistently. ↳ Think: outcomes, initiatives, feedback snapshots. ↳ This becomes your proof of value during reviews, promotions, or pivots. ✅ Speak the Language of Business ↳ Translate your work into metrics that matter: revenue, retention, growth, efficiency. ↳ When leaders see your contribution tied to business outcomes, you shift from “nice to have” to “can’t afford to lose.” ✅ Build Cross-Functional Credibility ↳ Influence isn’t built in silos. ↳ Make your value visible across teams. ↳ When multiple departments rely on your insight, you become a strategic connector - not just a contributor. ✅ Create Strategic Allies, Not Just Mentors ↳ Power isn’t just about performance - it’s about proximity to influence. ↳ Nurture relationships with decision-makers, peer champions, and collaborators. Influence grows through meaningful connection. The truth is - being essential isn’t the same as being seen. You can be deeply loyal to others - and still loyal to your own growth. These shifts aren’t just career strategies. They’re acts of self-respect. Because when you decide to lead from alignment, not obligation - You stop waiting to be chosen. And start choosing yourself. 💬 Which of these strategies feels most relevant to where you are right now? I’d love to hear in the comments below. ♻ Repost if you believe it’s time to stop rewarding quiet loyalty - and start recognizing conscious leadership. 🔔 Follow me, Bhavna Toor, for more. 📩 DM me to bring our holistic leadership development programs to your organization - that are a powerful combination of inner-work and real-world strategy.

I used to think being a good employee meant never rocking the boat. Keeping quiet. Saying yes when I meant no. Going along with decisions that felt wrong, just to avoid conflict. I thought that if everyone liked me, they’d respect me. That avoiding conflict meant preserving the relationship. But over time, I realised: You’re not meant to be liked by everyone. You’re not responsible for how others feel. And sometimes, the only way to move forward is through a difficult conversation. If you’re done chasing approval, here’s where to begin: → Know your values If integrity and transparency are your top values, decline opportunities or partnerships that pressure you to compromise them. → Set boundaries Block specific time slots on your calendar for deep work, and make it clear that you’re unavailable during those periods. → Say no when necessary Decline meetings that don't serve your goals. Instead, delegate them or suggest email follow-ups. → Surround yourself with the right people Collaborate with clients, partners, and employees who align with your vision and respect your boundaries. → Embrace imperfection Not every decision will please everyone. Announce changes confidently and focus on progress over perfection. Prioritise what matters - and let go of the rest. Nobody likes being disliked. But staying true to yourself? That’s when the real growth begins. ________ ♻️ Agree? Repost to remind someone that being real beats being liked ➕ Follow Cristina Grancea for more purpose-driven leadership insights.