Breaking the fixer mindset in women leaders

CLIENT WIN: Jennifer B. had spent 18 years in big tech. Respected. Reliable. The person leaders called when the fog rolled in. But in the rooms that reward theater over thoroughness, she felt… invisible. She was tired of proving herself over and over in a male-dominated culture. When she joined Sisters in Leadership, her inner critic was loud: “I already know this. I teach this.” She showed up anyway. Now, she advises, “You don’t have to do everything on the buffet. You just have to be open to letting it change you.” ✅ The moment that cracked things open One executive forum, she tried something new. Instead of giving a 12-minute, detail-perfect download, she took a breath and led with the headline: “Green—here’s what we’re doing and what I need.” Her heart pounded. There was still risk. That small act rewired something. It wasn’t about being less accurate; it was about leading at the right altitude. ✅ From “I fix it” → “I teach it” Back with her team, she stopped rescuing and started teaching the way she thinks. They built simple dashboards. Clear owners. Decisions without her in the middle. The pride of being the fixer softened into the pride of watching others fly. ✅ Naming what really gets in the way She realized she was trying to please everyone—trying to be great at everything. Instead, “What is the value I bring? How do I articulate it?” We named her personal brand and stopped letting “authenticity” be code for self-critique. “I’ve always wanted to be authentic, but I was confusing authenticity with letting my inner critic lead… The program helped me name that inner critic and begin to manage it.” ✅ The freedom of a room that isn’t your company In an internal program, you can’t say: “What if I want to leave?” Here, she could. She got curious again—about smaller companies, closer to customers, where she could build and grow something from the ground up. The clarity surprised her. ✅ The result (and why it matters) This isn’t just a promotion story. It’s better than that. ➙ She showed up differently in executive rooms—clear status, clear asks, without drowning in detail. ➙ She taught leadership to her staff so the work moved without her as the bottleneck. ➙ And after real exploration, she chose a values-aligned pivot to the startup world—on purpose. “For me, success isn’t about a title. It’s about stepping into leadership in a way that helps others be their best.” The exciting news is that she started last week at an exciting new AI startup as the VP of Customer Success! ✅ Why I’m sharing this Because so many women in tech are quietly carrying the weight: doing everything, knowing everything, waiting for the room to notice. You don’t need to do more. You need a strategy, a structure, and a space where your truth is safe enough to say out loud. If you’re reading this with a knot in your stomach—you’re not alone. 💬 DM me with “Moving Up”. Let’s get you into the rooms where you lead at your true altitude.

"Doing more isn’t how you get promoted anymore." That one line? It punched me in the gut. Because for YEARS, I thought the only way up was to take on more. More projects. More responsibilities. More hours. More fixing what others couldn’t. And it worked... Until it didn’t. Here's how I went from being the go-to problem-solver (Expert Mode) to someone who actually leads through others (Executive Mode). Most people don’t make this shift. Why? Because the transition is INVISIBLE. You don’t get a manual. You just hit a ceiling and wonder why harder work isn’t moving the needle anymore. Let’s break it down: ↳Expert Mode (a trap in disguise) ✔ You execute with excellence ✔ You’re the first to raise your hand ✔ You fix, you build, you save the day But... your growth flatlines. Because leadership isn’t measured by output anymore. ↳ Executive Mode (the real game) ✔ You delegate, even when it feels risky ✔ You coach instead of fixing ✔ You align people to strategy and step back That’s what leadership actually looks like. Not heroic effort. Not late-night emails. Not carrying the team on your back. ↳ The Invisible Shift: From → “How much can I do?” To → “How can I multiply impact through others?” Read that again. That’s not a mindset. That’s a metamorphosis. Here is what it meant for me: ↳I had to unlearn control. ↳Unlearn fixing everything. ↳Unlearn getting validation from being the most reliable. Now I ask different questions: ➡ “Who can own this?” ➡ “What outcome are we driving?” ➡ “Where can I remove friction so the team thrives?” Because the goal isn’t to be indispensable. It’s to make everyone around you better. But here it the thing: ↳You don’t get promoted for doing more. ↳You get promoted for thinking bigger — and building others up. And if no one’s told you that before… welcome. This is your invitation to stop playing the wrong game. ↳ Follow me if you're ready to stop grinding and start leading. I share unfiltered truths like this every week. #LeadershipEvolution #CareerGrowth #ExecutiveMindset #InvisibleShift #CoachingCulture

Fixing is faster at first. Then it becomes a full-time job. Early as a manager I was fixing. Constantly.  Mistaking it for leading In reality, I was leaving smart, capable people  stuck waiting for me to decide. How to stop being the hero and start building one: 1️⃣ Stop Solving → Start Asking “What have you tried?” “What might work next?” Let them do the thinking. 2️⃣ Guide, Don’t Direct Share a framework, not an answer. Support exploration, not perfection . 3️⃣ Reward Learning, Not Just Results  Celebrate reflection and iteration.  Especially after things don’t work. 4️⃣ Delegate Outcomes, Not Tasks  Set the goal, let them choose how.  That’s how you build ownership. 5️⃣ Normalize Smart Mistakes  Create safety to try, stumble, and grow.  Failure is fuel, if you make room for it. When I stopped fixing, I saw something powerful:  They figured it out without me.  Over and over again. Now I don’t solve anything for my team.  I coach them to solve it themselves. What’s one habit that helped you stop fixing everything? ♻️ Repost to help someone break the fixing habit 🔔 Follow Justin Hills for practical leadership insights.

She stared at her reflection in the conference room window. 20 years of being "the strong one." The fixer. The one who never crumbled. Then it hit her like a cold wave: "I've been leading from fear of losing control... not from trust." The awareness was crystal clear. But what came after wasn't relief, it was chaos. The messy middle between seeing and accepting First, she fought it. "I'm not controlling. I'm just... thorough. Good leaders stay involved." Then came the anger, at herself, at her team, at everyone. "Why can't they just get it right the first time?" She bargained with herself: "I'll back off after this project. After this deadline. After this crisis." But there was always another crisis. The sadness hit hardest. Not grief for someone lost, but for who she used to believe she was. The leader identity she'd built her entire career on was... wrong? Finally, sitting in her car after another exhausting day, she whispered: "This is who I've been. And I'm tired of fighting it." That wasn't giving up. That was the beginning. Why this emotional roller coaster is actually normal. Here's what I've learned from working with hundreds of leaders: transformation isn't a light switch. It's an emotional journey that mirrors how we process any significant loss. Psychology gives us a framework for this: the Five Stages of Grief: ⬆️ denial ⬆️ anger ⬆️ bargaining ⬆️ depression ⬆️ acceptance first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in "On Death and Dying" (1969). Though originally applied to grief, research shows it applies to personal transformation too, especially when letting go of familiar leadership identities. Because letting go of who you've been is a loss; even when who you're becoming is better. The stages aren't linear or neat: → Denial keeps us safe from shock → Anger protects our identity → Bargaining delays the discomfort → Sadness forces us to feel the weight of change → Acceptance frees us to lead differently Each stage serves a purpose. Fighting them only prolongs the journey. What changed everything for her (and might for you) She stopped judging herself for having the emotions. She started asking "Where am I in this process?" instead of "What's wrong with me?" Her team noticed immediately. Meetings became conversations. Decisions became collaborative. Trust rebuilt itself, one small moment at a time. The transformation wasn't instant. But it was real. Because awareness opens the door. Acceptance walks you through it. And the emotions in between? They're not obstacles - they're the bridge. COMB & LIFT ElevateX Lead Beyond Yourself. Rise Beyond Limits. Here's what I'm curious about: Think about a time you had to let go of something about yourself: maybe a belief, a habit, or a way of leading. What was the hardest emotion to sit with? And what helped you finally move through it? #LIFTfromWithin #LeadershipTransformation #SelfAwareness #EmotionalIntelligence #HumanPerformance #cassandracoach

One of my clients just stepped into a new VP role. She came to office hours today and said: "I just want to make sure I’m not slipping back into my fixer ways. I want to be seen as strategic." That instinct to prove value by solving fast is not humility. It’s a misread of what executive leadership is actually for. You lead with your lens. Not your resume. Anchor your leadership. Not your helpfulness. Think: - Spot the pattern vs. Stay stuck in the weeds - Frame the narrative vs. Fix the deliverable - Set direction vs. Stay available Because if you start by solving, that’s the seat they’ll keep you in. That’s not leadership. That’s insurance the company didn’t pay for. Still tying your value to how much you handle? #aliciaempowering