How to stop giving advice in coaching emails

I'll be honest. I love giving advice. But, the best piece of advice I can offer, is to stop giving advice. No matter how well-intentioned our suggestions are, often we rush to provide advice to friends, colleagues, and even strangers, thinking we have the perfect solution to their problems. However, one size does not fit all, listening matters (people often just need someone to just hear them out), and when we rush to provide answers, we unintentionally deprive individuals of the opportunity to discover solutions on their own. Encouraging self-reflection and problem-solving can be far more empowering and enduring. More importantly, many are desperate to receive a piece of advice rather than work on the problem themselves. Unfortunately, this can lead to an accountability problem. When individuals solely rely on advice, they may not take ownership of their decisions, merely following guidance without true understanding or commitment. Consequently, when things don't go as planned, they may find it easier to assign blame to someone else rather than taking responsibility for their actions. So, what should we do instead? 1. Ask Questions: Instead of giving answers, ask questions that help the person clarify their thoughts and explore potential solutions. This approach can guide them toward making informed decisions. 2. Offer Support: Let them know you're there for them, whether they need someone to talk to or brainstorm. 3. Share Experiences: If you have relevant experiences, share them as stories rather than prescriptive advice. Stories can offer valuable insights without making the person feel obligated to follow your path. In essence, the idea is to shift from being "advice-givers" to becoming "supportive listeners and facilitators." The best way to help someone is to simply be there for them. It goes without saying that certain matters should be discussed with experts and professionals. After all, we can't be experts in everything 😉 #leadership #personaldevelopment #motivation

When I was a leader, there was a time that I thought that improving my coaching skills meant giving better advice and moving quickly to solutions 😅. I was wrong. The first thing they teach in coaching certification is this: Coaches don't give advice. Instead, we believe that the coachee is the best person to solve their own problems as it helps them take ownership, builds creativity and fosters resilience. When I see leaders made this coaching mindset transformation, too, they get better growth, creativity and results in their teams. Here are three shifts you can make to improve your coaching skills as a leader: ➡️ SHIFT 1: Transform from hearing to intuitive listening. Intuitive listening is hearing a person fully beyond their words at face value. It is that little jolt, nudge or zinger you feel inside when you sense something is off, not lining up or maybe information is being withheld. You can ask questions like: ❔"I have a hunch there might be a deeper worry here, but tell me otherwise?" ❔“How long has this been a concern for you? Why is that?" ➡️ SHIFT 2: Move from problem solving to problem identifying. So much “coaching” is fruitless because leaders are too quick with advice or getting into action that we solve the wrong problem. Here are questions to help you get to the root of the issue so you solve the RIGHT problem. You can ask questions like: ❔“Why would it be so bad if XYZ happened?” (Points you towards the worry or belief holding them back) ❔“If you could make XYZ happen, what are you hoping that helps you avoid?” ➡️ SHIFT 3: Shift from telling to asking. Once the problem has been identified, it can be so tempting to unleash all of the brilliant advice that you've been holding back ;) However, great coaches know that asking the client/coachee how THEY'D solve the problem leads to better creativity, results and ownership. You can ask questions like: ❔What's been your current approach to solving this? ❔What else could you try? ❔What worked when solving another similar challenge? ❔How could this be happening FOR you? TRY THIS NEXT: In your next coaching conversation, ask one more question that you normally would before jumping into action. What coaching strategies have you tried to help you ask better questions and refrain from jumping in to solve the problem?

“I’m stuck.” “Just tell me what to do.” You’ve probably heard one (or both). It’s tempting to step in. To give the answer. To keep things moving. But every time we jump in with the answer, we reinforce dependency —when what people actually want is growth. Most professionals today aren’t asking for direction. They’re asking for development. They want to build their own judgment. They want to sharpen their critical thinking. They want autonomy and to feel trusted. So instead of giving the answer, I started doing this: --> Spot the coaching moment --> Ask 2 key questions --> Pause and listen These 3 steps shifted how I lead. Not because I stopped helping —but because I stopped solving. It’s harder than it sounds: → Holding back your advice → Sitting in the silence → Letting someone else own the answer But the outcome? You turn every “I’m stuck” or “What do you think I should do?” into a moment of growth. Yes, it works even in the busiest weeks. Which step—spotting the moment, asking, or pausing—are you currently developing?

Real story of coaching skills in action and a methodology you can put to use right away...illustrated with school bus drama...frequent advice givers...read on! Do you find it easy to give advice? Do people often look to you to "set the course"? Same. But sometimes being the one with all the answers isn't optimal. And in the long run, it doesn't support the person in charting their own path. Here's why: >> Coaching builds a ton of trust. A TON of relationship capital. >> Jumping to advice mode might solve the presenting problem but it might miss the underlying or root issue. 💡 >> Managers who are quick to fix: What do you ultimately train your team to do every time they have an issue? (Yep - come to YOU.) 🆘 >> When you swoop in to fix, the person with the problem doesn't get to think on their own about what they actually want in this situation. 🤔 That's why sometimes we need to shift from problem solvers into COACHES. I notice these opportunities to coach at work but also at home. This morning my daughter came to me with a challenge. She was confronted with standing up for what she thinks is right and going 'against' a friend. (That friend was being a candle blower-outer toward another, younger, friend.) Looking back, I realize she didn't ask me for advice...but advice was the first thing I wanted to give. 😂 Luckily, I PAUSED. I didn't go into advice mode. I went into COACH mode. I used the LifeLabs Learning SOON method. It's a 4-step method for asking questions to help someone else identify what they want, what's in their way, and what to do next. I'll spare you the recap of our dialogue and just share the SOON framework, which I followed pretty closely. 1. S for SUCCESS: Ask about the idea outcome. How do you want this to end/resolve? 2. O for OBSTACLES: What makes this outcome tricky? What would make it hard to get there? (Pro tip: There is ALWAYS more than one obstacle. Probe til you hear a few.) 3. O for OPTIONS: What are some ideas about what you could do? (Pro tip: There is also also more than one option.) 4. N for NEXT STEPS: So if you were to take a step forward on this later today, what would you want to do? (Pro tip: If you're a parent, also ask, what can I do to help you do this next step?) My daughter left for school ready to take a next step on one of the options she brainstormed. I got to play the role of supportive parent, who she can trust to talk things through with her. Parenting is hard. Leading teams is hard. Being on a team is hard. Asking coaching questions makes a difference.

Hello, my name is Lisa and I’m a recovering advice-giver. As leaders, we often jump in with advice, thinking it’s our job to solve every problem, or we’re under pressure and we just want sh*t done. ↓ The biggest problem with solving team members’ problems is it doesn’t develop them. They won’t learn to tackle the hard stuff (almost always the soft skills). It might solve the ‘problem-of-the-day’, but then they’re back tomorrow with a strangely similar problem. Now, I’m not against giving advice, but I am against making it a default response. ↓ It all changed for me once I’d learned how to coach. I was able to recognise my own "advice monster", understand the upside and downside of my advice habit and just ask better questions. Check out Michael Bungay Stanier’s book 'The Advice Trap' or head to his website where you can do a short quiz to find out which of the three "advice monsters" has the strongest hold on you (Mine used to be Tell-It. Ouch). I'll link to it in the comments. ↓ And then: 🤔 Reflect on which monster dominates you and work on taming it.  🤐 Recognise the urge to give advice and resist it.  🤓 Be curious and ask open-ended questions to help your team learn. Imagine the impact on team growth and success when we all learn to coach rather than just tell. What’s your “advice monster”? #microlearning #peopleskills

How I stopped mentoring and started coaching As a former sales manager, I once believed that sharing my experiences and solutions was the best way to guide my team. I would proudly offer advice on handling tough customer situations and closing deals, believing that replicating my approach would bring success. However, I soon realized this mentoring style could have been more effective. The salespeople I trained often looked resigned, reluctant to fully embrace the solutions I proposed. I initially attributed this to their discomfort with stepping out of their comfort zones. But as I delved deeper into the art of coaching, I discovered the root of the problem. The key realization was that what worked for me might not work for others. Each salesperson faced unique internal and external constraints, and the solutions I offered were often far removed from their reality. They needed psychological safety to adapt the advice to their own situations and implement it in a comfortable way. Recognizing this, I stopped mentoring and started coaching. Instead of providing ready-made solutions, I became more curious about my clients' experiences, thoughts, and obstacles. By asking insightful questions, I gained a deeper understanding of their challenges and helped them achieve clarity on the desired outcomes. Together, we co-created potential pathways forward, holding each other accountable. I no longer insisted on my methods, especially when I couldn't fully grasp the technical details. Instead, I focused on facilitating their self-discovery and empowering them to find the best solutions for their unique circumstances. The results were far more impactful than my previous mentoring approach. By embracing a coaching mindset, I was able to support my customers in a more meaningful and transformative way without imposing my preconceptions. What about you? Have you given advice that didn’t seem to be accepted by others? Please share your experience in the comments below. P.S. DM me if you are facing some wicked problems at work. I’ll be happy to listen without judgment or prejudice. #coaching #mentoring #salescoaching

This year I've been working with a couple different teams of leaders who are learning to (in the words of Michael Bungay Stanier), "slow down the advice monster" and instead coach/empower their teams to solve problems themselves. The key to doing this is to move from TELLING to ASKING. Seems simple, but as busy leaders, it often seems easier and faster to simply give people the answer. If this is something you're trying to work on, the next time someone brings a problem to you, consider using the questions shared in this HBR article: 👉 What have you tried? 👉 What or who is getting in the way of tackling this? 👉 What support do you need? 👉 What would you do if you were in my seat? 👉 Is there anything else I should know? 👏 What else has helped YOU make the shift from DOING to EMPOWERING? #leadershipdevelopment #leadwithintention #development Article link: https://lnkd.in/eFMmwHNd