Feedback and Performance Reviews

Workplace Culture: When feedback isn't really about performance. 🙄 A troubling pattern I've observed throughout my career is that performance feedback for Black women often focuses more on how we're perceived than what we achieve. "You're too direct", "You come across as a little intimidating", and "You need to be more approachable." These are comments that many Black women have heard in the workplace before. I remember one year when my boss denied my hard-earned pay rise because I had "an attitude," which, of course, I didn't have. As a matter of fact, I was the only "other" there, so I made sure I was seen and barely heard. Data says that Black women are 1.4x more likely to receive feedback about communication style rather than work output compared to white colleagues. This creates a double burden where we must excel at our jobs and constantly manage others' comfort with our presence. This surveillance and tone policing creates significant racial trauma that affects everything from confidence to career progression. Leaders: If you're giving feedback to a Black woman about "style" or "presence," ask yourself: Would I give this same feedback to a white male colleague with similar performance metrics? AA✨ #CareerDevelopment #Feedback #WomensHistoryMonth

"You're doing a great job. You 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 need more executive presence." 🤦🏻♀️ Oh, okay. Let me just go buy some from the store. Maybe it’s on sale next to gravitas and leadership aura? 🔍 Research shows that women and especially women of colour are disproportionately given vague, subjective feedback instead of clear, actionable guidance. Stuck in their career navigating foggy directions like: "Work on your presence." "Be more confident." "Find a mentor." Let's fix that. 🚫 5 Common Career Staller Feedback & What to Say Instead 🚫 1️⃣ Don't Say ❌ 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭. Lacks specificity, making it challenging to address. 👉Say ✅ I’d love to see you take the lead in client meetings. Your insights are valuable—let’s work on amplifying your voice in those spaces. ↳ 𝘐𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵: 𝘌𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 2️⃣ Don't Say ❌ 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. Ambiguous, leaving the individual unsure of what's lacking. 👉Say ✅ Your expertise is valuable—enhancing your presentation skills can increase your impact in executive meetings. ↳ 𝘐𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵: 𝘍𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘥. 3️⃣ Don't Say ❌ 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐫. Delays advancement without clear reasoning. 👉Say ✅ Identifying key leaders who can sponsor you for larger opportunities will be beneficial. Let’s work on building those connections. ↳ 𝘐𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵: 𝘔𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱. 4️⃣ Don't Say ❌ 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. Vague on what specific experience is required. 👉Say ✅ Gaining experience in 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 will prepare you for this role. Let’s assign you a project to develop that skill. ↳ 𝘐𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵: 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱. 5️⃣ Don't Say ❌ 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐲𝐞𝐭. Provides no guidance on areas needing development. 👉Say ✅ "To prepare for leadership roles, consider leading cross-functional projects. Let’s create a development plan together. ↳ 𝘐𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵: 𝘖𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱. Leaders—your words shape careers. The difference between “not yet” and “you’re next” is the clarity of the feedback you give. Give the roadmap—not roadblocks. What is a clear and actionable feedback that you have received that make a difference in your leadership progression? Koon Executive Coach #careerhackwithkoon DM 👉1:1 coaching 👉Leadership Training Program 👉Keynote speaker/panelist

I once sat in a performance review where a female colleague received feedback like, "You need to soften your tone in meetings." Meanwhile, her male counterpart got advice about honing his skills in digital marketing to drive better results. This wasn't an isolated incident. Women are often given feedback on their style—how they speak, how they present themselves—while men are given feedback on their skills and performance. This difference is subtle but significant. When we tell women to adjust their style but don’t offer specific, actionable guidance on improving their roles, we hold them back from real growth. It sends the message that success is about fitting in rather than developing the skills that actually move the needle. The impact? Women miss out on critical opportunities for advancement. They don't get the feedback they need to improve in measurable ways while men are groomed for the next significant role. We need to change this if we want to see more women in leadership. It starts with giving women the same actionable, skill-based feedback we offer men. Instead of vague critiques, we need to focus on growth areas tied to business outcomes. For example, rather than saying, "You need to be less direct," say, "Deepen your analytics knowledge so we can optimize our strategy." Clear, actionable feedback empowers women to build the expertise they need to move forward. It’s how we help them close performance gaps, earn promotions, and contribute to the organization's growth. We all have a role to play in this. Giving women the feedback they need isn’t just about helping them—it’s about strengthening the entire team and creating a more equitable workplace. What’s one way you can provide actionable feedback today? Tired of watching women get vague feedback that holds them back? Subscribe to the ELEVATE newsletter for no-nonsense advice on giving women the feedback they need to grow, thrive, and lead—because it's time we start getting real about progress. https://elevateasia.org/

Perception can shape careers just as much as performance. Over the years, I’ve seen this play out in countless ways: women delivering results, building strong teams, leading with vision…and still being told they’re “too quiet,” “too strong,” “not strategic enough,” or that they “lack presence.” I’ve experienced this myself. Feedback that felt vague or contradictory. At first, I took it personally. Then I got curious. I started asking different questions. What if this feedback wasn’t really about me, but about outdated expectations of what leadership should look like? That’s why we wrote this new piece for HBR. It’s for anyone who’s been told they need to “change” to succeed, but knows deep down that they shouldn’t have to become someone else to lead effectively. This article offers three practical strategies for shifting perception while staying grounded in your authentic leadership: 1️⃣ Craft a counternarrative – Define how you want to be seen, using your strengths to align with what your organization values. 2️⃣ Use positive association – Language is powerful. Small shifts in how we speak about ourselves and our work can influence how others perceive us. 3️⃣ Turn feedback into power – Instead of reacting to feedback, investigate it. Use it as a tool to navigate your environment with more clarity and intention. Too often, we think we have no control over how we’re perceived. This is a reminder that we do have agency. And that we can lead without shrinking or shape-shifting to meet someone else’s version of success. Let me know what stands out to you. https://lnkd.in/gcCSE7XW Colleen Ammerman HBS Race, Gender & Equity Initiative Harvard Business Review Lakshmi Ramarajan Lisa Sun #leadership #perception #workplace

I once got feedback that I was “intimidating.” I took it to heart. I spent the next few years trying to be as approachable, warm, and agreeable as I could be. I assumed this was a character flaw that I needed to fix. But years later, I realized something: this feedback wasn’t about me. It was about the system - one that judges women more harshly and polices their personalities more than their performance. And the numbers back this up. 👇🏽 🎯 Women are 7x more likely to receive negative personality-based feedback than men. 🎯 56% of women have been called "unlikeable" in reviews (vs. 16% of men). 🎯 Harvard Business Review found that 76% of “aggressive” labels in one company’s reviews were given to women (vs. 24% to men). This Is the Leadership Double Bind: Speak up? You’re “too aggressive.” Stay quiet? You “lack confidence.” Show ambition? You’re “unlikeable.” Ask for a promotion? You’re “too pushy.” And here’s the kicker - it’s worst for high-performing women. This is why women... ↳  Hesitate to showcase ambition. ↳  Are reluctant to ask for opportunities. ↳  Are leaving workplaces faster than others. So, what can we do? Here are 3 ways we can start changing this narrative today: ✅ Check your language. Is the feedback about personality or performance? If you wouldn’t give the same critique to a man, please reconsider. ✅ Challenge vague feedback. “You need to be more confident” isn’t actionable. Women deserve the same clear, growth-oriented feedback as men. ✅ Support women’s ambition. If certain leadership traits (ex. being assertive) are seen as strengths in men, they should be seen as strengths in women too. Have you ever received unfair feedback? What’s one piece of feedback you’ve had to unlearn? 👇🏽 ♻️ Please share to help end unfair feedback. 🔔 Follow Bhavna Toor (She/Her) for more insights on conscious leadership. Source: Textio 'Language Bias in Feedback' Study, 2023 & 2024 #EndUnFairFeedback #IWD2025

🚨 Why Men Get Coached as Leaders and Women Get Scolded Like Schoolgirls Here are 5 pieces of feedback ambitious women hear on repeat - the “Greatest Hits” album of performance reviews: 1. “You need to be more assertive.” 2. “You’re coming across a little too aggressive.” 3. “You should soften your tone.” 4. “You need to work on being more collaborative.” 5. “You’ve become too intense.”     Now, here’s what men get in the exact same situations: 1. “Take more ownership.” 2. “Push harder for your ideas.” 3. “Drive decisions faster.” 4. “Be clearer with your vision.” 5. “Get even more visible.”     Same behavior. Different translation. Because feedback for women is rarely about performance. It’s about how comfortable you make other people feel. For men, feedback is about outcomes. For women, it’s about personality. This is how people are socialized... Boys are praised for taking space. Girls are praised for keeping harmony. Those childhood scripts show up decades later in performance reviews, disguised as “development feedback.” The problem is: too many women drown in this feedback. First they doubt themselves: “Maybe I am too much.” Then they blame the system: “It’s all bias.” Then they surrender: "This is as far as I go.” That spiral helps no one! You cannot rewire an entire culture overnight, but you can reframe the way you hold the feedback. 💡 Here’s how: 1. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰.    When you hear “too aggressive,” ask: “Can you give me a concrete example?” Nine times out of ten, they can’t. That tells you it’s perception, not performance.     2. 𝗔𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀.    “I hear you. My intent was to push the team to deliver by deadline, that’s what drove Q3 results. Was that the concern?”    Redirect from how you came across to what you achieved.     3. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝘀.    If they say “be more collaborative,” ask: “What does that look like in practice?” Don’t adjust blindly. Get them to set the bar. They usually don't know how it looks like)     4. 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗲!    Men don’t make feedback an existential crisis. They strip the one useful line, dump the rest, and move on. So should you.     🔥 Feedback doesn’t define your capability. It defines someone else’s comfort zone. Your job is to take it, decode it, and turn it into leverage. 👉 Want to learn how to turn vague, biased feedback into clarity, authority, and career momentum instead of letting it chip away at your confidence? Join our signature program – From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader https://lnkd.in/djbPtKuE 🌍 It’s a global cohort; you can join from anywhere, anytime. Perfect if you’re short on time: flexible, on-demand content, 2 recorded group coaching calls, and unlimited support through WhatsApp. 👊 Because the trap isn’t the feedback itself, it’s believing it defines you.

“Not ready for senior leadership.” I’ve seen that land on women who keep entire teams afloat. Not for performance. For micro-reactions. We all get triggered; it's part of being human. It doesn’t always look like anger. Sometimes it’s: ⚪️ Speaking faster ⚪️ Over-explaining ⚪️ A clipped “It’s fine” ⚪️ The raised eyebrow you didn’t catch ⚪️ A tight jaw in the weekly update Tiny tells. Big consequences. 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥. 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐱.  Everyone pays it - women pay more. That’s the 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐝. Same behavior. Different headline. He’s “passionate.” She’s “emotional.” He’s “decisive.” She’s “reactive.” He’s “a strong personality.” She’s “not ready.” A director client was called “a live wire” in her 360. An acting CFO I coached braced at ExCom questions. Before we started, the CEO’s label: “She’s difficult.” It’s unfair. It’s also fixable. Years ago my mentor asked the question I now use with clients: “𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮?” Because emotion is data. Reactivity is leakage. Leadership presence is about communicating calmly under pressure, with anyone. 5 steps to emotionally self-regulate (in the room and on calls): 🍀 3-𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐭. Exhale once. Drop shoulders. Then speak. 🍀 𝐒𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 10 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬. Pace sets perception. 🍀 𝐂𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐬. Trade explanations for clear asks. 🍀 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫. 5 minutes to decompress before responding. 🍀 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫. One peer who flags the micro-signals you miss. Within 8 weeks, that CFO’s feedback shifted from “difficult” to “calm under pressure.” Same standards. New signals. Better decisions. Your competence isn’t the problem. 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥. 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐭. What do you do to keep your calm when triggered? 💭 —----- 📩 𝐉𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭 12 for the Executive Presence & Visibility Masterclass — link in comments. ♻️ Repost if you’ve learned this the hard way - help someone who’s being taxed for reactivity.

Nice, but useless. That’s what most performance feedback given to women sounds like. Other? ✨ 𝙔𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩 ❌ Interesting… because when he says the same thing, he’s ‘decisive' ✨ 𝙔𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 ❌ Awesome. So, am I getting that leadership role… or just planning the next team lunch? ✨ 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙤𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝 ❌ Cool. Just let me know the exact percentage of confidence that’s acceptable for a woman Why does this keep happening? 🎙️ I was honored to join Zovig Garboushian, PCC, ELI-MP on her podcast "When Does It Get Good?" to talk about how biased feedback holds women back. We dive into: ➡️ Why women get personality-based feedback, while men get performance-based advice ➡️ How vague, unhelpful feedback affects careers ➡️ What managers can do to fix this and give performance feedback that actually supports growth 📥 One tool to help fix this is my Bias Reduction Checklist! Free download: https://lnkd.in/dPiW-UqH If you're doing performance feedback, you need this checklist before you send your feedback off. 🎧 Listen to the episode: 🔗 Spotify: https://lnkd.in/d35FDgzB 🔗 Apple Podcasts: https://lnkd.in/dp3gBvYS I recommend you also all other episodes on Zovig Garboushian, PCC, ELI-MP podcast. It's been a real pleasure to listen to more of her conversations with guests. 💬 Women are told to be more confident. Until they are and then they’re called “aggressive.” Is there any way to get it right? 😉 I wonder what you think 👇

There’s a difference between constructive feedback and condescension. And if you call yourself a coach or a leader, you need to know it. Today, someone left a comment on one of my videos saying: - I “babble” - My message gets lost in a “slur” Here’s the context⤵ They were watching the video at 1.2x speed. And still felt entitled to critique my clarity. → That wasn’t constructive. → It wasn’t curious. → It wasn’t respectful. It was dismissive. When I responded directly, I was labeled “defensive.” But this moment isn’t about me. It’s about the many professionals, especially women and people of color who experience this kind of “feedback” every day. Feedback that isn’t actually feedback at all. Let’s break it down, because this is where things often get lost: →  Real feedback focuses on behavior, not character → It’s offered with care, not sarcasm →  It invites conversation, it doesn’t shut people down → It builds up, it doesn’t diminish 🚩 But condescension? It often sounds like this: -“You’re babbling” -“You’re too much” -“You come off a certain way” And the moment you name the disrespect? You’re suddenly “too sensitive.” Or “defensive.” That’s not feedback. That’s gaslighting. And when it comes from people in positions of "power," (honestly anyone for that matter), it causes real harm. If you’re in the business of helping people grow, how you give feedback matters. Because your tone is the message. And your delivery is your brand. We can’t call ourselves coaches, mentors, or leaders, and then talk down to people under the guise of “just being honest.” Feedback without respect isn’t leadership. That is all. 🎤