Finding Your Voice When Speaking Makes You Nervous

After seeing me give a keynote last week in Seattle, a client asked me for my go-to stage prep tips—a question I get asked often this time of year. (Yes, even the most practiced public speakers still actively prepare for getting on stage. There’s no autopilot button for this!) Here’s what I shared with her: Physical Prep— >> Breathe: Diaphragmatic breathing. In through your nose, fill your belly, exhale slowly. It centers your body and gets your mind focused. (Also calms jitters). >> Posture: Stand tall. Feet shoulder-width apart. Chest open. Shoulders relaxed. Helps project confidence… and helps you physically own the space (think Executive Presence). >>Chew gum: Yes, really. Chew gum before you get up there. Releases tension, reduces dry mouth. (Just be sure to spit it out before you start speaking!). Mental Prep— >> Reframe nerves: Instead of “I’m nervous,” tell yourself “I’m excited.” That adrenaline? Let it FUEL you. >> Visualize success: Picture yourself delivering your message with confidence. Imagine the audience responding positively. Set the tone before you even start. >> It’s not about you: The key. Focus on them, not you. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about making a connection with the audience. Shift the spotlight to them in the first 20 seconds by asking a question or inviting them to move their body. You’ll get a second to catch your breath and actually take in the stage, lights, and audience at hand. One last thing? Thank the backstage crew for all their help. Because having a working mic and flattering lighting really matters—and you most definitely couldn't do that part without them.

19 years ago, I used to get incredibly nervous before speaking on stage. Racing heart. Tunnel vision. Dry mouth. Today, half of my job is being on stage. Here’s my 7-step pre-stage checklist for how I conquered stage fright: (Before you step on the stage) Step 1: Set One Clear Intention Nerves often come from scattered thoughts.  So anchor your mind with a single, positive goal: • For a pitch: “Get the buyer to sign and stay firm on numbers.” • For a presentation: “Connect with the audience and deliver value.” Avoid negatives like “don’t mess up.” Your brain clings to “mess up.” — Step 2: Pick a Focal Point Choose a random spot in the back of the room (or bring a grounding object, like a pen). Right before you begin, mentally send all your nervous energy there. It gives your brain somewhere to “put” the anxiety - and frees you up to focus. — Step 3: Breathe Mindfully Most people shallow-breathe when they’re nervous. This just worsens anxiety. Do this instead: • Close your eyes • Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth • Push your belly out with each inhale (deep belly breathing) — Step 4: Release Muscle Tension Anxiety makes us clench everything - jaw, shoulders, stomach. This kills blood flow and increases anxiety. Instead, start at your head or toes and relax each muscle group with one breath: • Relax your face and eyes • Relax your jaw and neck • Loosen shoulders and chest • Relax arms and hands • Relax your stomach and abs • Continue down to your toes You’ll feel calmer and more grounded instantly. — Step 5: Find Your Center Before going on stage, shift your focus to a spot 2 inches below your belly button. This is your physical center - used by athletes and performers to stay grounded. As you breathe, imagine calm radiating from that point. During your talk, return to it anytime nerves creep in. It’s your internal anchor. — (While you’re on stage) Step 6: Repeat Your Process Cue This is your personal “how” mantra. • Interviewer: “Smile and ask great questions.” • Speaker: “Keep it warm and engaging.” • Performer: “Smooth and steady.” Keep repeating it silently throughout to stay focused and intentional. — Step 7: Direct Your Energy Feel the nerves rising? Don’t fight them - redirect them. Use your focal point from Step 2. Mentally “throw” your anxious energy toward it. It’s like dropping a heavy backpack: instant relief. __ Save this post and come back to it before your next big moment. Whether it's a presentation, interview, or performance, these steps will help you show up as your most confident, centered self.

𝐀𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠? 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨. 😬 But I turned that fear into my superpower — and you can too. 🦹 Next month alone, I’m speaking at 13 events, including the University of California, Berkeley, Pear VC, HBS Women's Association, Plug and Play Tech Center, and Ubiquity Ventures. In the past few months, I’ve spoken at Amazon AWS GenAI, Product Leadership Summit, Maven, Guild, and more — some paid, some unpaid; all on topics I deeply care about and have knowledge of and to the audiences that are eager for my thoughts. Now here's the truth: English is my second language. 😍 I came to the U.S. for undergrad, and early in my career, public speaking felt impossible. I vividly remember my first college speech class 🤯 — it took me dozens of tries to deliver a single paragraph. I wasn’t good. Not even close. 🫣 But I had two things: 🔹 An obsession with growth 🔹 A commitment to excellence I wanted to share my ideas with the world — and I refused to let fear or language barriers stop me. ✋ Today, I give keynotes to packed rooms. It feels energizing, even effortless. But behind that “ease” is 20+ years of hard work and hard-won lessons. Here are 5 lessons that helped me become a confident, powerful speaker, especially for those who feel like they’re not “naturals”: 🗣️ 1. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 (or any language)- It's about clear ideas. People don’t remember grammar; they remember impact. Be clear! Be authentic! Say something that matters. 🧘♀️ 2. 𝐍𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 - use them as fuel. Even the best speakers get butterflies 🦋. Don’t suppress the nerves — channel them into energy and presence. 📚 3. 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 - No one’s born a great speaker. You become one by showing up, over and over again. Speak in meetings, on panels, in small rooms or big ones — every rep counts. 🪞 4. 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 - Watch it. Learn. Grow. It’s awkward — but incredibly effective. You’ll catch your filler words, pacing, and habits that you’d never notice otherwise. 💬 5. 𝐓𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬 - People only remember your stories. Data informs. Stories move. Research shows that people forget data but remember the stories. ❓What's been your experience with public speaking? ❓Do you fear it or are you fueled by it? 👉 If you've gotten better with public speaking over time, share your experiences with others below, so they can learn from you. 👉 Share your reaction to this conversation and experiences with public speaking below. #publicspeaking #keynote

Does the thought of public speaking make you sick to your stomach? The sweaty palms. The shaky voice. The full-body urge to run. Getting from “I might throw up” to “I’ve got this” doesn’t require a miracle—just practice and a few tried-and-true tricks. After a decade of speaking (including pitching on Shark Tank!), here are 3 things that changed the game for me—and that you can start doing today: 🎯 Swap panic for presence: Ground yourself with a simple 4-4-4 breath before stepping on stage or hitting “record.” It calms your nervous system and clears your head. 🧠 Practice smarter—not longer: Rehearse your open and close 3x more than your middle. Why? Nailing the start and finish builds confidence—and makes the audience remember you. 🎤 Make it a conversation: Whether it’s a Zoom call or a conference stage, speak to someone, not at everyone. Eye contact + a story = instant engagement. Public speaking is a skill, not a personality trait. And the good news? Skills can be learned. 📅 Join live to ask questions, get coaching and build your confidence on the mic. 🎧 Prefer audio? Subscribe to Coffee With Kim wherever you get your podcasts What’s one thing that makes you most nervous about public speaking? Drop it in the comments—we’ll tackle it live!

You know all the rules for confident speaking. Pause between sentences. Slow down your speech. Eliminate filler words. End statements definitively. So why does your voice still shake in meetings? Why do you still rush through presentations? Why can’t you stop saying “um”? When I see this with my clients, it’s because they’re trying to paint confidence over fear. And fear always bleeds through. The truth is, your inner dialogue is louder than any technique you’ve learned. When you’re telling yourself “I sound stupid,” no amount of training can make you pause. When you’re thinking “they’re judging me,” you’ll rush no matter what. When you believe “I don’t know what I’m talking about,” your voice will betray you every time. You can’t out-technique your inner critic. But you can change the conversation in your head. Before high-stakes moments, do this first. Think of someone who makes you feel completely accepted. Feel into how you show up around them. How your real voice emerges. How you naturally take up space. That’s the real you without the mental interference. Carry that version of yourself - not a performance - into the room. When you quiet the inner criticism, confident behaviors emerge naturally. #confidence #leadershipdevelopment