Scarcity of genuine relationships and trust

Trust Deficit in Today’s Scam-Laden World We live in a time when receiving two to three scam calls or messages daily has become the norm. Calls impersonating government organizations or banks, messages enticing us to click on malicious links—all designed to steal our data and manipulate our actions. Scammers have mastered the art of social engineering, preying on human vulnerabilities to get us to do their bidding. While education and awareness are improving, making us more alert to these threats, the constant barrage of scams has conditioned us to question everything and everyone. We’re advised to avoid unknown calls, ignore unexpected messages, and ultimately, trust no one. The biggest casualty of this scam epidemic is trust—the trust that once existed between people. Today, any unexpected call or message is automatically treated with suspicion, often seen as a potential scam. While this wariness protects us from falling victim to fraud, it comes at a significant cost: the erosion of trust in genuine situations. Let me share an incident that happened to me yesterday. I received a beautifully packaged, expensive mooncake set delivered to my home—luxuriously branded, packaged in a leather box that resembled a jewelry case. It was clearly a high-end gift. I wasn’t at home when the package arrived, so my domestic helper accepted it, as the delivery address was correct, but the name on the package wasn’t mine. The gift set included a name card with a mobile number. When I got home, I realized I didn’t know the person whose name was on the card. It seemed to be a delivery mistake. I immediately called the number on the card but got no response. So, I sent a message explaining that I had received the package, but it appeared to be a mix-up. I didn’t hear back until the next day. When I called again 24 hours later, the person finally answered. I politely explained the situation once more, only to be met with a rude accusation that I was “bullshitting” him. I was taken aback by his harsh response, but I calmly offered to send him a picture of the package, which I did. After seeing the photo, the person realized it was indeed a gift he had sent, but it had been delivered to the wrong address. He eventually apologized, admitting that his rude reaction was fueled by the rampant scams these days. Initially, I was quite upset. I had simply been trying to do the right thing by returning something that wasn’t mine. But as I thought more about it, I realized his reaction was a symptom of the world we live in today. With scammers becoming more sophisticated and the constant reports of fraud, we’ve all become more defensive, and distrustful. This lack of trust is slowly reshaping our social fabric. Where will we end up as a society if we stop trusting each other entirely? Is trust in our fellow humans becoming a thing of the past?

The connection request looked perfect. "Fellow legal professional interested in your insights on complex litigation." Accepted. Three minutes later: "I help lawyers scale to 7 figures. Book a free strategy call?" Sound familiar? It's the professional equivalent of someone shaking your hand at a conference, then immediately trying to sell you a timeshare. We've all been there. That sinking feeling when a promising connection turns into a sales funnel. But before you say "just don't accept strangers" – that's not the answer. Some of my best referral sources started as "strangers." My top case collaborator? Met through a cold connection request. The mentor who changed my career trajectory? Random LinkedIn outreach. Closing yourself off isn't networking. It's hiding. The real issue isn't accepting connections from people we don't know. It's that LinkedIn has become a hunting ground where "connection" means "prospect." Think about it: Would you walk into a bar association meeting and immediately pitch everyone who said hello? Would you interrupt someone's lunch to sell them your services? Would you follow someone to their car after they gave you their business card? Of course not. Because in person, we understand professional boundaries. But somehow on LinkedIn, basic etiquette disappears. The damage goes deeper than annoyance: • Real professionals stop accepting connections • Genuine networking opportunities get lost in the noise • The platform becomes less valuable for everyone • Trust erodes with every pitch-slap I get it. We all need clients. We all have bills to pay. But there's a difference between building relationships that lead to business and treating every connection like a transaction. Want to know what actually works? Provide value first. Comment thoughtfully. Share insights. Answer questions. Be helpful without an agenda. Business follows relationships. Not the other way around. The irony? The people aggressively pitching in DMs are usually the ones struggling most. Meanwhile, those focused on genuine connection are booked solid. Because clients can smell desperation through a screen. LinkedIn could be the world's greatest professional network. Or it can be a digital used car lot. We decide which one it becomes with every connection request we send. What would happen if we all agreed to wait at least 30 days before pitching anything to a new connection? Just 30 days of being human first, salesperson second. Radical idea, I know. But imagine the relationships we could build.

Building trust is more important than building technology. When we began Commonlands work in rural Uganda, our first instinct was to focus on the tech — the maps, the certificates, the microloan platform. It made sense. Technology could scale solutions faster, streamline processes, and offer transparency. But without trust, even the most advanced tools are useless. Many had seen outsiders arrive with promises before—only for those promises to vanish, leaving communities worse off. Why should they trust us? We had to earn it. That meant showing up—not just once or twice, but consistently. → Sitting under trees and listening to their stories. → Respecting their skepticism and their pace. → Engaging local leaders to vouch for our intentions. Over time, we saw something remarkable. People began opening up. They shared their stories and their challenges. Only then did the technology become meaningful—it became a tool they could see themselves using, not something imposed on them. This is what made us achieve an incredible milestone: ➜ 2,500 plots documented. ➜ 99% loan repayment rate. Then I realized that trust is slow to build but incredibly fragile. And when you’re working with communities, it’s non-negotiable. Technology might be exciting, but relationships are what sustain progress. Today, every certificate we issue and every loan we facilitate is built on a foundation of trust—not just innovation. And that, I’ve learned, is the only way real change happens. Thoughts? Do you believe a lack of trust can impact the success of a project? Follow 👉 Darius and repost! #communitydevelopment #trustbuilding #socialimpact #sustainability #changemaking

In a commission-based business, it’s easy for leaders to default to, “I got mine, now you go get yours.” But when there's only so much success to go around, people stop sharing knowledge, relationships, or opportunities. And instead of building something together, everyone starts guarding what’s “theirs.” I’ve found that it’s hard to build cohesive teams, lasting trust, or sustainable businesses when you're operating from this type of scarcity mindset. As a leader in a search firm, I see it as my responsibility to model something different - an abundance mentality. Yes, everyone should be encouraged to generate their own business. But it’s also our job as senior leaders to provide scaffolding along the way and support until someone is ready to be successful on their own. In fact, professional services work best when it follows an apprenticeship model. I think people learn best by watching, participating, and slowly building confidence - which only happens when leaders take the time to show others the ropes. That means… …inviting other people into the room. …handing off real ownership of projects, not just busywork. …and, most importantly, choosing to share opportunities instead of hoarding them for yourself. Over time, our team’s priorities grow beyond splitting up the pie - and everyone focuses on growing the whole thing together.

I once watched two grown professionals get scolded for… networking. They were told they needed “permission” before connecting with certain people. For “community protection,” of course. This is where the line between culture and cult gets razor-thin. Because the truth is… Healthy cultures trust you to navigate relationships wisely. Control cultures police who you can talk to. It’s about power, not protection. And it reveals a deeper distinction... Scarcity-Minded Leaders: → Hoard relationships like finite resources → Fear “losing” influence if you grow without them → Gatekeep access based on loyalty or “worthiness” → Create dependency instead of capability Abundance-Minded Leaders: → Make generous introductions that change lives → Trust you to choose your own collaborators → Understand that when you grow, everyone wins → Build ecosystems, not empires The business math is simple. Trust scales. Control doesn’t. Ask yourself these questions ⤵️ → Do the leaders in your world open doors—or guard them? → Are you in a culture that multiplies your impact… or one that needs you small to stay important? Choose accordingly.

A team that never talks about anything real is a team that will never achieve anything remarkable. Early in my career, I thought being professional meant keeping things strictly business. I scheduled one-on-ones, asked about blockers, and moved on. My team hit their deadlines, but something was missing. ⦾ People didn’t stick around ⦾ They rarely challenged each other’s ideas ⦾ Feedback was shallow I was leading a group of coworkers, not a team. Everything changed when I started asking questions that had nothing to do with code. I wanted to know 📌 What excited them outside of work? 📌 What frustrated them about our processes? 📌 What made them proud last week? The first few conversations felt awkward, but slowly, trust grew. 👍 People started sharing honest feedback 👍 They openly support one another 👍 We celebrated wins and owned our mistakes together A lot of engineering managers think culture is built with team offsites and emoji reactions. But what builds trust is far less glamorous. It’s the accumulated impact of everyday interactions. 👉 The 1:1 where you pause the agenda and say, “You seem off today.” 👉 The casual check-in where you remember the name of someone’s kid. 👉 When you ask how their side project is going. Relationships are your infrastructure. Genuine connection doesn’t mean prying into personal lives. It means showing up with curiosity and care, listening without an agenda, and being willing to share a bit of yourself too. When you move past the surface, you build loyalty, resilience, and creativity. You build a team that’s more than the sum of its parts. Are you having meaningful conversations with your team?

Have you ever noticed what happens in your neighbourhood coffee shop? They never tried to sell you anything. The seller just remembered your name, asked about your kids and made that perfect latte. Now you bring every client there. You've referred dozens of friends. That's the power of authentic relationships; it works the same in business. I watched a software company struggle with cold calls and aggressive tactics for months. Deals kept falling through. Trust was non-existent. Then they shifted focus: hosting helpful industry meetups, sharing genuine expertise and celebrating client wins. No hard selling. Just a human connection. Their sales cycle was shortened by 60%. Referrals skyrocketed. This is the new Networking Revolution: Relationships First, Sales Second When you build genuine relationships: - People become advocates, not just customers - Your reputation grows organically -Business becomes sustainable, not transactional - The most valuable business asset isn't your product or pitch It's the strength of your network. What genuine connection could transform your business today? #RelationshipBuilding #AuthenticNetworking #BusinessGrowth #ConnectionsOverSales

True Relationships Aren’t Transactions 💬 “If you’re keeping score, you’re not really connecting.” I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea lately—not just in networking, but in leadership, business partnerships, even friendships. We all say relationships matter. But are we really showing up that way? In a world where “What’s in it for me?” dominates too many conversations, choosing to give without expectation is a bold act. It’s also where the most genuine, long-term impact begins. Let’s unpack this a bit. The Ledger Mentality—Why It Doesn’t Work “I helped them, now they owe me.” “I showed up for them—but they didn’t return the favor.” Sound familiar? When we treat our relationships like an accounting system, we lose the human part. This scarcity mindset breeds disappointment, resentment, and shallow connections. Genuine impact isn’t a tit-for-tat game. It's a long game. Generosity is the Gateway to Influence When you lead with generosity—not to impress, but to serve—you start attracting the right kind of people. People who value connection over convenience. People who remember how you made them feel, not just what you did. And that’s where trust, loyalty, and influence are born. Real Leaders Give Without Keeping Score Look around at the leaders you admire most. I bet they’re not keeping a tally of favors—they’re pouring into people, mentoring quietly, opening doors, and not announcing every move. These are the people who create movements, not just moments. Make It Practical—Here’s Your 3-Day Relationship Challenge DAY 1: Message someone in your network just to thank them or offer encouragement. DAY 2: Introduce two people who might benefit from knowing each other. DAY 3: Share something of value (article, idea, opportunity)—with no strings attached. You don’t have to post about it. Just do it. Watch what shifts. Let’s Talk—Because This Part Matters Have you ever felt let down by someone who “owed you”? Or maybe you’ve given with no return—only to be surprised later? Drop your story, insight, or lesson below. Let’s normalize relationships built on value, trust, and authenticity—not transactions.

Trust is invisible — until it’s broken. As a coach and someone who works with the deeper layers of human experience, I return often to this question: What makes trust possible? And what happens when it erodes? According to the latest Edelman Trust Barometer, global trust levels are declining — particularly in governments, institutions, and political leadership. Fear and division are being used—intentionally or not—as tools. But fear does not build trust. It fractures it. As Paul Watzlawick, one of the great minds of communication theory, once said: “Every communication is also a communication about the relationship.” In other words, there’s no such thing as neutral interaction. We are always —whether through words, tone, or silence — either building connection or creating distance. From a psychological and trauma-informed perspective, trust rests on a few essential pillars: - Safety – Do I feel physically and emotionally safe with you? - Consistency – Do your actions match your words, over time? - Empathy – Do you see and acknowledge my experience? - Authenticity – Are you willing to be honest, even when it’s hard? When these elements are present, trust becomes possible — not only between individuals, but within communities and even societies. What concerns me most is that some political voices now emphasise power and fear rather than relationship and responsibility. But we are wired for connection. We long to belong. Trustful relationships are the foundation of everything meaningful — from leadership to democracy, healing to growth. Perhaps the real work of our time is not just innovation, better deals or regulation, but restoring trust — with one another, our institutions, and ourselves. Let’s start with how we speak, listen, and lead. #awareness #trust #leadership #communication #EdelmanTrustBarometer #watzlawick #consistency #empathy #authenticity