Why Women Avoid Asking for Resources

Confession: I Still Don't Like Asking for Help 🙈 I grapple with this truth despite knowing the immense value of collective wisdom and support. This reluctance isn't unique to me; it's a widespread phenomenon, especially among women in leadership roles. Why do so many of us, even the staunchest advocates for collaboration, hesitate to reach out? 💼 Perception of Competence: We fear our capabilities may be questioned. The thought that seeking assistance could be seen as a lack of knowledge or ability is daunting, primarily when you've worked tirelessly to establish your expertise. 🏋️♀️ Self-Pressure: The internal bar we set for ourselves is often sky-high. Admitting we need help feels like conceding we haven't met our expectations, forgetting that perfection is a myth. 👀 Confirmation Bias Fears: The anxiety that our actions will reinforce stereotypes about female leadership is real. It's a tightrope walk between being assertive and not feeding into biased perceptions. 🤝 Lack of Support Networks: Finding peers who understand and share your challenges can be tough. This isolation can make asking for help seem even more daunting. 🔄 Societal Conditioning: Many of us were raised to be the caretakers providing support. Reversing this role feels foreign, even in professional settings where collaboration is key. ⚖️ The Double Bind: Balancing assertiveness with warmth without tipping into stereotypes is a constant challenge. Every request for help is weighed against the potential impact on our professional image. 🎭 Imposter Syndrome: The fear of being exposed as a fraud lurks in the shadows, making revealing any hint of uncertainty or need for assistance terrifying. The journey to embracing vulnerability and openly seeking help is complex yet profoundly rewarding. By sharing our challenges, we unburden ourselves and pave the way for a more supportive and understanding leadership landscape. Let's start a conversation. How do you overcome your reluctance to ask for help? Your insights could be the beacon someone needs to see today. P.S. What was the last thing you asked for help with, and how did it change the outcome? #askforhelp #vulnerability #storytelling #whatsyourstory

That voice saying "figure it out yourself"? It's not leadership. It's conditioning. Everyone says strong leaders solve problems independently and never show vulnerability by asking for support. But in toxic systems, your self-reliance is their profit center. They've conditioned you to believe needing help means you're not leadership material. When actually, they just don't want to staff properly. The truth no one says out loud: ❌ Your fear of asking for help isn't about competence. ✅ It's about a system that uses vulnerability as ammunition. You've watched colleagues get labeled "high maintenance" for asking reasonable questions. So you learned: ↳ stay quiet, ↳ figure it out alone, ↳ never let them see you sweat. The real cost? Your silence makes impossible workloads look reasonable. This week's radical permission: → Stop pretending you have resources you don't have Ask specific questions: "What should I deprioritize?" "Who else can handle this?" "What's the actual timeline with current staffing?" → Let those responsible hold the problem-solving burden When they bring you a problem, respond with: "What do you think we should do?" Instead of immediately brainstorming solutions, hand the thinking back to them. → Be unavailable for mind-reading Ask for clarification instead of guessing: "Can you be more specific about what you need?" "What does success look like here?" Stop filling in their gaps. When you start asking for help instead of figuring everything out alone, ✅ suddenly the (value) gaps you fill become visible. If asking for help feels risky, that's not paranoia. That's pattern recognition. Your need for help isn't evidence you're in over your head. → It's evidence the job was never designed for one person. P.S What are you willing to admit you don't know so the real resource gaps become visible? ♻️ Repost to remind someone else they’re not alone in this ➕ Follow Laurie Banfi to lead human-first and make it impossible to ignore

Women are 36% less likely to delegate than men. But not because we can’t. Because we were never taught it was safe to. We were raised to be helpers, not askers. To be everything for everyone. To prove we’re strong by doing it alone. So it’s no wonder so many women struggle to let go. Even when they’re drowning. Even when their body is screaming for rest. Even when their daughter is watching and thinking: “I never want to live like that.” (Yes — that happened to me. And it broke me open.) 💔 Guilt. 💔 Fear of judgment. 💔 The shame of not being “enough” if we ask for help. -> Women experience significantly more guilt and fear when delegating compared to men. -> Even worse - when we do delegate, we’re more likely to be seen as “less warm” or “less competent.” -> And in male-dominated spaces, women are even less likely to delegate due to fear of backlash or reputation damage. But here’s what we’re not talking about enough: Delegating is not a business strategy. It’s a healing act. It’s how we rewrite generations of self-sacrifice. It’s how we teach our daughters that leadership isn’t about burnout, it’s about boundaries. It’s how we scale without self-abandonment. I built Stafi because I was that overachieving woman who didn’t know how to ask for help. Now I help women - especially law firm owners - unlearn the belief that they have to do it all. And when they do? They reclaim their time. They become more profitable. They finally breathe again. If no one’s told you this lately: You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion. You don’t have to carry it all to be respected. You are still a leader, especially when you ask for help.

I have worked 1:1 with hundreds of women entrepreneurs over the last decade and spoken to thousands. During this time, there are two things that seem to be prevalent in terms of internal challenges many of these women face: 1. Confidence 2. Asking for help Guess what?  You need confidence to ask for help. Confidence is “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.” Now this can be an issue with trusting oneself, someone else, or some thing. When it comes to asking for help, I hear women say they either they feel like they shouldn’t ask for help because it’s a sign of weakness and makes them look less competent or they don’t trust someone is going to get the job done the “right way” and they’ll be let down and have to do it themselves anyway. You need to have confidence to ask for help. You need confidence in yourself that you are competent enough to know what you need to delegate. You need to have confidence that those in which you ask for help will be able to step up accordingly. In other words, you need to be able to trust not just yourself but also others, in order to make forward progress. Now, I tend to surround myself with some pretty bad ass confident women. But yet many of them still struggle to ask for help. Why? One friend is killing it in their business yet drowning at the same time because they’re not getting the support they need from their team. One friend is amazing at what they do and is feeling that their growth is stunted because they need to hire help but they don’t trust “help” based on previous hiring experiences. In all of these instances, women are either asking for help or wanting to ask for help, but they fear being disappointed. It’s not about making hard decisions, because I’ve seen these people do that. It’s a fear of being let down by people they are actively and willingly investing in. So what do we do? I’ve been building The R.E.A.L. Confidence™ Framework which states that in order to build confidence, we need to reconnect to self, establish self-trust, act despite uncertainty, and lead for aligned impact. The key here is to act despite uncertainty and to act early. It’s unrealistic to expect to hit a home run every time we’re up to bat, so if we factor in a margin of error and start our asks early, I’m hypothesizing we’ll find ourselves less stressed, less overwhelmed, and more compassionate with those around us. This is a working theory, but I’m tossing it out there for you to try and please report back! Instead of waiting until you’re drowning, take a step back, assess the situation, identify where you’re going to need help, and start putting it out into the world now, so when the time comes to activate, you’re ready to rock and roll. Every time you take action, you create an experience, good or bad, and you learn. And the more experiences you have, the greater confidence you gain that you’ll be ok and you’ll be able to figure it out. You got this!

Breaking the Silence: Overcoming the "Women Don’t Ask" Phenomenon As women we often face numerous personal and societal barriers that prevent them from asking for what they need, want, or deserve. This phenomenon impacts critical areas such as: 🚫 Not negotiating for advantage 🚫  Failure to break childhood conditioning 🚫 Inability to challenge behavioral norms 🚫  Not publicizing accomplishments One key self-imposed barrier is that women tend not to ask. Gender differences in speaking up, asking for what one wants, or negotiating for advantages are profound, especially regarding pay and promotions. Studies show that men are more likely to address their dissatisfaction with pay by asking for what they want, while women often modify their behavior due to concerns about relational impacts. Women may ask indirectly, request less than they desire, or attempt to earn their rewards through hard work instead of direct requests (Babcock & Laschever, 2003). 🔄 Collaborative Approach: Women also adopt a more collaborative approach in negotiations, aiming for solutions that benefit both parties. However, this hesitation is rooted in gender-based behavioral standards. In Western culture, women are often taught that advocating for themselves is unfeminine and unwelcome. This cultural conditioning starts from a young age, with women being discouraged from appearing "bossy" or assertive (Kay & Shipman, 2014). 🔍 The Double Bind: Research indicates that women in leadership roles face a double bind. Displaying stereotypically "female" behaviors like smiling can lead to perceptions of incompetence, while exhibiting "male" behaviors such as assertiveness can result in being seen as less likable (Catalyst, 2007). This bias underscores the challenging and unfair scrutiny women endure. ⚖️ The Fairness Expectation: Moreover, women often expect life to be fair, believing that hard work alone will bring recognition and rewards. They may wait to be invited to participate, assuming their value will be acknowledged. To overcome these barriers, women need to: 🗣️ Speak up 💡 Share opinions 📚 Offer expert advice 🏆 Publicize accomplishments By addressing these challenges and changing the narrative around women asking for what they deserve, we can pave the way for a more equitable workplace. What are your thoughts? Dr. Reza Hafiz, LL.M., MD; Lianne Picot; Inga Dransfeld-Haase; Sabine Hoffmeister; Nicola Bramwell; Paloma López; Cornelia Diethelm; Prof. Dr. Sabina Jeschke; Natalya Nepomnyashcha #WomenInLeadership #Negotiation #GenderEquality #WomenEmpowerment #SpeakUp

Most women aren’t struggling with ambition. They’re struggling with permission. To want more. To ask for more. To be more. And it’s not because we don’t have the drive, It’s because we’ve been taught that asking for what we want comes at a cost. “Women don’t advocate for themselves.” That’s the diagnosis. But let’s talk about the conditioning that created this symptom. 🧠 From a young age, we were trained to betray our own instincts in the name of likability. When we spoke up, we were told to be polite. When we led, we were labeled bossy. When we stood our ground, we were deemed difficult. Then we entered the workplace. And suddenly, those same qualities - assertiveness, clarity, ambition - became the ticket to success. Except now, they came with a cost: ⚡️ The likability backlash ⚡️ The ambition tax ⚡️ The invisible double standard So when people ask, “Why don’t women advocate for themselves?” I always ask back: “Why would they - when the price has always been higher than the reward?” During the group coaching session of our "Transform from Hidden Talent to Visible Leader" online program, one pattern showed up across the board: 👉 A hesitation to own their success. 👉 A discomfort with visibility. 👉 A learned fear of being “too much.” Not because they lacked value. But because no one taught them how to advocate without guilt or backlash. Here are 3 truths no one puts in leadership books: 💥 1. Self-advocacy is a continuous act of honoring your future self. Self-advocacy isn’t just about today, it’s about shaping the future you want. Every decision you make should align with where you want to be, not just where you are. • Say no to distractions that pull you away from your long-term goals. • Prioritize yourself by making decisions that build your future, not just serve immediate needs. Your future self will thank you. 💥 2. Stop asking for permission through politeness. How often do you hear: “Sorry to interrupt…” “This might not make sense, but…” “Just a thought…” Delete the disclaimer. Start with your point. You’re not a guest in the room. 💥 3. Your work will not speak for itself. It never has. And that’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to make it visible. Strategically. Boldly. Without apology. If this resonates, and you’re in a season of wanting to be seen -  not just for what you do, but for who you are when you lead Join the waitlist for our next cohort of From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader - a 4-week online experience for women who are ready to advocate for themselves with clarity, strategy, and quiet power. It’s not about becoming louder. It’s about becoming more you. ✨ Link in comments #HiddenTalentToVisibleLeader #WomenInLeadership #TheElevateGroup #PowerfullyYou #UnlearnToRise