Why strong women face pushback in professional settings

Throughout my career, I’ve seen the same pattern. When women are called “too aggressive,” the solution is always the same: Fix the woman. Tone it down. Tweak your messaging. Smile more. But there was never anything to fix. The system was built with bias baked in. We still expect women to walk a tightrope: strong, but not too strong. Decisive, but not unlikeable. Collaborative, but not soft. And when the balance tips? The feedback goes to her, not to the culture that labeled her. I’ve sat at leadership tables where a woman was called “aggressive” for showing the same conviction as her male peers. The room went quiet. And in that silence, the label stuck. That’s when leadership is tested. Do you let the bias slide? Or do you step in and say: “We don’t use that language here. Let’s focus on the substance, not stereotypes.” Because silence is agreement. And bias unchecked becomes culture. And it’s even more damaging when women reinforce those same labels against each other. That’s what happens when a system built on scarcity convinces us to protect our seat instead of pulling up another chair. Strong women aren’t the problem. The problem is a system shaped by cultural norms that were never designed to support women leading on their own terms. Leadership isn’t just who you promote. It’s what you permit. 💌 Subscribe to my newsletter on leadership and reinvention with the link in the comments

When they call you a bitch, say thank you—thank you very much. This line from Olivia Gatwood’s poem Ode to the Women on Long Island has been my go-to mantra since I started my career in academia. I’d read my early teaching evaluations and feel awful. I was either not qualified to teach or too arrogant about my expertise. One student even set up a meeting to tell me this in person! Women faculty—especially in business schools—tend to get lower teaching ratings. Not because they’re worse teachers (plenty of research debunks that myth), but because of a very common form of gender bias: 👉 We don’t like women who are experts. Especially when they know they are experts. Women constantly face stereotypes that suggest they’re incompetent. Maybe you’ve heard these before: ·       Women are too emotional to be effective leaders. ·       Women lack the aptitude for STEM. ·       Women are too soft for the tough worlds of finance or law. This presumed incompetence means women often have to outperform men just to be seen as equally competent. But here’s the catch: When a woman is so good they can’t ignore her, she breaks that stereotype. And that makes people uncomfortable. Instead of admitting they were wrong, they shift the goalposts. That’s when the narrative changes: “She’s difficult to work with.” “She has an ego.” “She’s just not a team player.” The message is clear: Be competent, but not too competent. So what can women do about this? (With the caveat that I am loathe to tell women it is their responsibility to fix gender bias!) 💡 Find your allies—people who recognize your expertise and amplify your voice.  💡 Keep receipts—document your successes so you can push back when bias creeps in.  💡 But most importantly, stop softening your competence—own it. If someone calls you “difficult” because you’re great at what you do, that means you’ve already won the first battle. So, next time they try to shrink your expertise by denigrating your interpersonal style, remember to say: Thank you—thank you very much.

Women get called intimidating more than men and it’s never meant as a compliment. I’m known for “strong opinions, loosely held”. I engage with conviction, propose ideas boldly, and contribute actively (#belief strength IYKYK). But if new data or perspectives emerge, I’m quick to revise or discard my opinion. Recently, we were working with an external provider (who I like a lot). But deliverables kept slipping, deadlines were missed, standards weren’t being met. When I pushed for accountability, 🙋♀️ the founder told me the team couldn’t do their job because I was “very intimidating.” Apparently, the team found it difficult to provide the expert advice and guidance I was paying them for because I had strong ideas and opinions, which meant they couldn’t “push back”. And my high standards and attention to detail were also responsible for their lack of delivery. I took this feedback on (actually had a wee cry) and told myself “Don’t be so strong Nicola”, but couldn't shake a weird kind of shame (which is often a flag that something isn't right). Fast forward to this week: we’ve been working with another external provider in a very different field, also relying on their expert advice and guidance. Faced with my equally strong opinions, ideas and high standards, there have been no problems or allegations. When I challenge the advice or came up with ideas or opinions, this founder calmly pushes back, tells me where I’m wrong, and explains the better path forward. We do the work, and I trust her more because of it. Same me. Same strong opinions. Two very different reactions. Women who are clear, confident, and committed to excellence are often labelled “intimidating” but is that label always about us, or is it a cover for someone else’s underperformance? Assertiveness, decisiveness, and high standards are praised in men but penalised in women. “Intimidating” is not used as a compliment. It is often a deflection and excuse for someone else’s underperformance. I’m not calling anyone out, but I’m inviting everyone in. 💜 How often do we use “intimidating” as a shorthand for discomfort with someone’s standards, rather than a valid critique? 💜 Do we sometimes frame high standards and speaking up as a problem (especially with women) when the real issue is under-performance or lack of accountability? 💜 How might we shift to naming issues clearly: missed accountability, lack of expertise, weak communication, rather than blaming someone’s tone or presence? To my strong female leaders: you are not a problem for expecting excellence. Do not let “intimidating” be used to shrink or shame you. Hold your standards. Hold your line. 💜

💡 The Hidden Double Standard That Holds Women Leaders Back For many women in leadership, the unspoken rules sound like this: Be strong—but not too direct. Be confident—but stay agreeable. Lead—but make sure everyone’s comfortable with how you do it. This is the likeability dilemma. And it quietly shapes how women show up at work every single day. Speak up too much? You’re too aggressive. Hold back? You’re not assertive enough. Set a boundary? You’re difficult. Try to fit in? You’re not “leadership material.” This constant push and pull doesn’t happen because women lack ability— It happens because they’re navigating invisible biases most don’t even see. Here’s the mindset shift I share with the women I coach: You’re not “too much.” You’re not “too soft” or “too strong.” You don’t need to shrink or stretch to fit a broken mold. Real confidence and leadership aren’t about performance. They’re about showing up authentically—anchored in your values, guided by clarity, and supported by a system that doesn’t ask you to trade authenticity for effectiveness. And here’s where the ripple effect begins: When you support other women facing the same double standards… you normalize new ways of leading. When you bring awareness of these biases into your workplace… you open doors for cultural change. When you lead with authenticity, you model what’s possible for those watching in silence. The truth is—you don’t have to choose between being authentic and being effective. You can lead with both. And when you do, you lift others with you. What’s one invisible bias you’ve faced as a woman leader? Share it below—your story could empower another woman today. #WomenInLeadership #ConfidenceCoach #PurposeDrivenLeadership #MindsetMatters #LeadWithAuthenticity

We talk a lot about diversity, inclusion, and equity. But let’s be honest—how much has changed? I chose to post this today—not on Women’s Day—because the challenges women face at work aren’t seasonal. They’re ongoing. And they deserve our attention every single day, not just once a year. Even today, many women experience unfair treatment quietly, without raising their voices—because speaking up can come at a cost. Here are some generic examples that still happen far too often: 🔹 A woman is overlooked for a role that involves late hours or travel because someone assumes she can’t manage both. 🔹 In interviews, she’s asked about her family plans—questions her male counterparts never hear. 🔹 If she’s confident, she’s called “too aggressive.” If he is, he’s seen as leadership material. 🔹 A new mother hesitates to ask for flexibility, worried it will hurt her performance review. 🔹 Her ideas are ignored until a male colleague repeats them—and then they’re praised. If that wasn’t enough, here are some real-world examples I’ve personally witnessed in several organisations: 🔹 A Senior QA professional was repeatedly denied meaningful projects by her Project Manager—simply because she left at 6:45 p.m. every day to pick up her one-year-old from the crèche. This, despite official work hours ending at 6 p.m. 🔹 A hiring manager openly instructed the recruiter not to schedule interviews with women candidates, assuming they wouldn’t be able to stretch beyond office hours. Shockingly, a woman manager echoed similar bias: she directed her team not to hire married women within three years of marriage if they didn’t yet have children, fearing an “upcoming disruption” due to maternity leave. 🔹 A female developer stood up against the team lead’s use of foul language. She was told, “This is how men talk. If you can’t handle it, maybe you shouldn’t be in this team.” She was slowly isolated and eventually pushed out. 🔹 A project manager told a developer heading into maternity leave that she should use her six months to “upskill and learn the latest version” of the technology, completely disregarding the purpose and emotional toll of maternity leave. These may seem like small things to some, but they add up—and they send a message: You don’t fully belong here. Equity isn’t about giving everyone the same—it’s about giving each person what they need to succeed. And for that, we need empathy, awareness, and real change. To every woman who continues to show up, push through, and lead despite the bias—I see you. To every leader, manager, and colleague, equity is built by everyday choices, not yearly campaigns. Let’s make inclusion a habit, not a headline. 💡 What have you seen or experienced that helped—or hurt—equity at work? 💡 What’s one thing we all can do better starting today? Let’s talk. Let’s listen. Let’s act. #EquityAtWork #InclusionMatters #SupportWomen #BreakTheBias #EverydayEquity #Leadership #DiversityAndInclusion #HRVoice

Apparently, women should wait for the men to finish “roaring” during negotiations — so their egos don’t get bruised. Yes, this was actually said(or hinted recently at a professional stage). The moderator asked a male speaker what a woman should do if two men are locked in a heated negotiation. His answer? "Let us finish roaring. And continued hinting, that their ego may take a hit when they are interrupted or roared back at (specially by a woman)." And I sat there wondering….Are we seriously still entertaining this idea that women should shrink back, wait it out, and gently re-enter the conversation once the men are done asserting dominance? Also, why is it that every time a woman is assertive, loud, or direct, it’s labeled as her “copying male leadership traits”? Why are we still assigning leadership traits like confidence, assertiveness, directness as masculine? I understand and respect that not every woman wants to “roar.” Some lead with quiet influence, empathy, precision — and that’s powerful too. But at the same time, not every woman who is loud, fierce, or confrontational is mimicking men. Sometimes… that’s just who she is. I’ve been that woman - blunt, bold, unapologetic for a long time. Since, I was the loud kid, the fierce debater, the one who pushed back and took up space. I didn’t learn that from men. That was me. That is me. And over the years, I’ve been told, more times than I can count — to tone it down. That it’s too intense. Too aggressive. Too masculine. But the truth is - we need to stop mapping leadership styles to gender. Yes, some women lead with empathy, calm, and quiet strength. And some lead with fire, presence, and power. Both are valid. Both are valuable. Put a pause on teaching women to wait until the men are done talking. Let’s stop expecting them to be the peacemakers in every room. Maybe we want to jump in — not to calm things down, but to challenge, to disrupt, to lead. True diversity isn’t about expecting women to fill the same roles everywhere. It’s about welcoming different kinds of voices, strengths, and leadership styles. We should stop telling others who to be. #diversity #negotiation #business #opportunity #career #leadership #employment #leadershipstyle

6 years ago, I walked into a board meeting as the most experienced person in the room. Yet, I got interrupted, dismissed, and talked over. I was asking sharp questions, calling out blind spots, and challenging assumptions. But one of my male colleagues rolled his eyes and moved on as if I hadn’t spoken. The message was clear: “Just rubber-stamp our decisions and don’t make this difficult.” That’s when I realized... There are different rules for women in leadership. What gets called “decisive” in some is often labeled “difficult” when a woman says it. I’ve watched this play out countless times throughout my career... But speaking up is still the right thing to do. Here’s what I’ve learned navigating this: 1) Build allies who care about impact, not politics. 🤝 In high-stakes environments, decisions often get clouded by ego, legacy agendas, or internal turf wars. With the right advocates on the board, pushback doesn’t isolate you—it positions you as the voice of reason. ✅ They help amplify your message. ✅ They back your perspective with data. ✅ They keep the conversation grounded in outcomes. 2) Watch how decisions get made. One reason I’ve loved working with the executive team at Weights & Biases is their first-principles mindset. Ideas are judged on logic, not hierarchy, politics, or gender. 🧠 When the best argument wins, everyone wins. 3) Trust your gut on culture. No title or pay is worth staying somewhere that crushes your confidence. Sometimes, quitting is the smartest move. 🛡️ It’ll give you the space to find the right team that supports your growth and lets you do your best work. _________ If you’ve ever been sidelined as a female leader because you challenged an idea, here’s a reminder: You’re NOT the problem. You’re the strategic thinker holding the foundation together. 💡 That takes courage. Keep standing your ground. The right people will recognize your value—and so will the company.

In a recent candid discussion with a peer, previously holding a senior position, I inquired about their departure. Their response was unsettling. "When your professional story takes a negative turn – say, you're terminated – rebounding from that, particularly as a woman, seems insurmountable. I've witnessed numerous men seamlessly transition from one opportunity to another, which, regrettably, hasn't been the case for me." This individual was nothing short of exceptional in their capacity. Feedback pointed to their demeanor, labeling them "difficult," a term often not ascribed to their assertive male counterparts. They were neither nurturing nor complacent but driven and strategic—qualities lauded in a leader. They steered through a corporate culture that prided itself on an 'alpha' ethos, delivering substantial results. Nonetheless, male leaders who exhibited similar or more aggressive behavior weren't subjected to the same scrutiny. This experience raises the question of the glaring double standard that still persists. Despite strides toward gender equity, it seems that diversity and inclusion efforts fail in protecting women in leadership. We must challenge the normalization of managing out strong-willed women while condoning the bully-pulpit style of leadership among men. It's not just an issue of fairness; it's a red flag signalling the need for cultural transformation in our organizations. #Leadership #DiversityAndInclusion #GenderEquity #CorporateCulture

Aggressive or just assertive? 🤔 I’ve spoken to many women in the workplace who’ve faced the all too familiar misconception - being called 'aggressive' simply for speaking up, setting boundaries, or advocating for themselves. It’s frustrating when your confidence is mistaken for something negative. Here’s the thing...assertiveness is not aggression. It’s a sign of strength, self-assurance, and knowing your worth. And when you advocate for yourself, you’re not being 'too much' - you’re being exactly what the situation demands - clear and direct. Unfortunately, for women, especially in professional settings, standing firm is often misinterpreted as hostility, overbearing behavior, or even 'emotional'. It’s time to switch up the narrative. We need to stop seeing confident women as a threat. Instead, let’s see them as leaders or powerful contributors - as individuals who are stepping into their power and demanding the respect they deserve. The next time you’re called 'aggressive' remember - it’s not a flaw in your approach, it’s a reflection of someone else’s discomfort with your strength 💫

Saying NO isn’t a reaction. It’s a decision. Let’s get one thing straight: ❌ Setting boundaries isn’t personal. ❌ Holding firm isn’t being difficult. ❌ You don’t have to cave in to people’s demands. It’s gotten better over the years. But when women do these things in professional settings, it sometimes gets twisted into something it’s not. Assertiveness becomes “emotional.”  Boundaries become “difficult.” I recently experienced this firsthand. In a meeting, someone told me, “It’s a shame you can’t help but get emotional.” My crime?  Saying no. No raised voice. No drama. Just a clear, professional refusal. Here’s the reality: ✅ Assertiveness = Clarity ↳ When we say no, it’s about focus and priorities - not feelings. ✅ Boundaries = Professionalism ↳ They define what’s acceptable and create healthy working relationships. ✅ Holding firm = Confidence ↳ It shows you know your value and won’t compromise it for the sake of approval. The next time someone calls you “difficult” for knowing your boundaries, remember: their discomfort is their problem, not yours. What’s your take? ________________ ♻️ Share with friends who’d appreciate it! ➕ If you liked this follow Lise Kuecker for more!