Unconscious Career Sabotage for Women

I sat in a talent review inside a global company. A room where promotions were discussed. High-potential lists made. And this is what I heard: “She won’t want that much responsibility” “She doesn’t want to move to a new geography” “She just had a baby, so we shouldn’t ask her” “She’s thinking about a family, so let’s not invest in her” “She’s pretty quiet. I don’t know if she could handle that big role.” This wasn’t 1995. This was recent. Let’s be clear— These comments need to be stopped in their tracks. No one should be making career decisions about others based on assumptions. Not about geography. Not about ambition. Not about motherhood. Not about personality. Bias doesn’t always show up loud and obvious. It hides behind “concern.” Behind “gut instinct.” Behind “She probably wouldn’t want that.” It’s still bias. And it still costs women their careers. If you’re in the room, speak up. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. Because silence is complicity. And we’re done with that.

Few people associate career stagnation with feelings of unworthiness, yet this invisible thread often ties together self-doubt, hesitation, and missed opportunities. Most of my female clients tend to come to me struggling with self diagnosed imposters syndrome or lack of confidence. The reality is they are all struggling with low self worth. At its core, a self-limiting belief is a story we tell ourselves about what we can or cannot achieve. “I’m not ready for that promotion.” “I don’t have enough experience.” “I’ll never be a thought leader.” “I’m too old”. “I can’t do anything else I need to pay bills”. Many of us have had these thoughts—sometimes daily. While surface-level explanations might point to skills gaps or a lack of opportunity, such beliefs often have much deeper roots: our sense of worthiness. Worthiness is the belief that we are deserving of happiness, success, and recognition. When this internal compass falters, it quietly fuels self-limiting narratives. We start thinking we must be perfectly qualified before applying for new roles, or we hold back from sharing ideas out of fear they’ll fall flat. Over time, the fear of “not enough”—not experienced enough, not smart enough, not valuable enough—can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The consequences are significant. High performers sabotage their own advancement, passing up leadership opportunities or avoiding high-visibility projects. Some of us choose stay in our their comfort zone, failing to ask for raises or stretch assignments. Organizations, in turn, miss out on employees’ full potential and fresh perspectives. There’s good news: recognizing the role of worthiness is the first step toward change. Over the years I’ve used the below strategies to not only shift my own mindset, but for my clients as well. 🧐Self-Awareness: Regularly question the stories you tell yourself about your abilities and contributions. I ask my clients to ask themselves the question “how do I know that?”, when they start to limit them selves by saying I can’t because. ❤️Celebrate Small Wins: Build your sense of worthiness by acknowledging progress, not just milestones. David Goggins calls this the cookie jar. Everytime you do something well, write it down and refer to it when you doubt yourself. 🙃Reframe Failure: See setbacks as learning opportunities, not evidence of inadequacy. Ask, what did this teach me? 👯♀️Find your tribe:Mentors and sponsors can offer perspective and encouragement to challenge limiting beliefs. .The next time you catch yourself doubting your value or hesitating to take a leap, remember: Your sense of worthiness might just be the key to your next career breakthrough. For more career insights join us My Sisters Shoulders. #careercoach #womenincorporate #executivecoach #fractionalchro ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My name is Olivia Cream. Follow me for more insights on human capital strategy and career growth. oliviacream.com

There are players who never put up great stats, but you keep them around because they make the people around them better. Back in my corporate life in the automotive industry, we had 6 product managers. One of them was Lisa (name changed). She had a small portfolio She had no visible ambitions for promotion She had an average performance So when Lisa was let go, nobody blinked. The decision was rational. KPI-driven. MBA-approved. 6 months later: → Collaboration died. → Trivial conflicts exploded. → Toxicity flourished. → The team fell apart. Why? Because the invisible glue had left the building. Lisa was the glue. She wasn’t the loudest. She didn’t care for credit. But she made others better. She kept things human. She did what every leadership book forgets: 👉 She made people want to come to work. But glue work isn’t seen. It’s not in your OKRs. It’s not in your bonus calculation. It doesn’t show up on dashboards — until everything breaks. And here’s the uncomfortable reality: ➡️ Glue work is gendered. Most of it falls on women, especially those who are "nice", "team players", or "not career-driven". (Translation: socially conditioned not to say no.) ➡️ Glue work is undervalued. Once the glue is gone, companies hire expensive consultants to run "culture transformation" projects. ➡️ Glue workers are punished. In promotion rounds, they are seen as steady — but not "high potential". Steady doesn’t win the race. Loud does. So, what’s the solution? ✅ Name the glue. In performance reviews. In team calibrations. In leadership rooms. Make it explicit. ✅ Make glue work valuable. Give it weight in promotions. Allocate part of leadership KPIs to it. Because team performance is performance. ✅ Stop romanticizing ambition only in one direction. The "hungry for the next title" narrative is corporate monoculture. Stability, humanity, and creating cohesion are also leadership. 👩👉 For women: Stop doing glue work unconsciously. Do it STRATEGICALLY! If you hold the team together, own that narrative. "Without me, you’re paying McKinsey to fix your mess." (And you won’t even get my discount.) Lisa didn’t fail. The system failed to see what she did. And many teams today are quietly rotting… ... held together by invisible glue that is unpaid, unnoticed, and one resignation away from chaos. Glue is never urgent.... until it’s gone. And when it’s gone, it’s not the glue that breaks. It’s everything else.

Have you ever started a job where everyone seemed to genuinely like you at first? Then, suddenly, things shift? Let me tell you about the Pet to Threat Phenomena. Initially, they valued your expertise, sought your input in meetings, and entrusted you with opportunities that supported your growth. Then, you begin to feel overlooked and disliked, and your trust diminishes. This is known as the "Pet to Threat" phenomenon. This can look like:  - Being excluded from important meetings or decisions - Having your ideas or contributions dismissed or ignored - Experiencing a sudden increase in scrutiny or criticism - Feeling isolated from your colleagues - Not receiving credit for your work or ideas - Facing resistance or hostility when you try to assert your expertise Dr. Kecia M. Thomas and a team of insightful experts helped identify this phenomenon, demonstrating how, as we gain skills and confidence, our managers, colleagues, or mentors may become indifferent. This is an experience that can impact the trajectory of your career or stifle your confidence, especially for Black women, who typically have fewer allies in the workplace. When I speak with women who experience this, their first thought is often that they could've prevented it, or they struggle to recognize it at all. Remember, your talent and skills got you to this point, and any room you enter is better because you’re there.

“If you never say no, your yes loses value.” Think about that for a moment! A good portion of my clients are women who work in corporate America. As a dual-certified career strategist, I’ve found far too many of them have tied their self-worth to being seen as agreeable, always available, and always saying “yes.” But here’s the thing I remind them in our coaching sessions: 👉 Saying yes to everything doesn’t make you indispensable — it makes you depleted. 👉 Saying yes doesn’t elevate your credibility — it dilutes your impact. 👉 Saying yes to everything doesn’t make you a leader — it often traps you in a cycle of reactive work and invisible labor. The truth is: “Yes” culture has a cost. And it’s time to get honest about the emotional toll of always being available, agreeable, and accommodating. Some of my clients believe it’s “career suicide” to say no, especially to senior leadership, high-stakes projects, or team requests. Once we engage in new thought to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of saying “yes” and strengthen the “no” muscle something remarkable happens. Women who flex that “no” muscle are more likely to be viewed as strategic leaders. They gain influence in high-stakes conversations. They stop being the go-to for everything and instead become the go-to for the things that add true value to an organization. That shift changes how they’re seen, how they’re compensated, as well as how they scale in their careers. Here’s what I want to tell every high-achieving professional woman who’s been running on hustle autopilot: You don’t have to earn your worth by overextending yourself. When you say “no” with intention, you say “yes” to… • Long-term career vision • Mental clarity and emotional bandwidth • Real respect from your peers and leaders It’s no accident that the leaders who scale are the ones who say no with grace and confidence. They’re not trying to prove themselves — they’re prioritizing what moves the needle. So, let’s talk about the don’ts of saying yes: ❌ Don’t say yes out of fear, guilt, or the need to be liked. ❌ Don’t say yes before considering the opportunity cost. ❌ Don’t confuse saying yes with being strategic. And the do’s of saying no: ✅ Do say no to preserve your energy for your highest contribution. ✅ Do say no to signal your clarity of vision. ✅ Do say no so your yes holds real weight. Boundaries don’t make you less committed. They make you more credible. Being valuable isn’t about being everywhere — it’s about showing up where it counts. The next time your inbox is full and someone says, “Can you just...?” Take a pause. Ask: Does this create value? Is this mine to carry? And if the answer is no, honor it. Where in your workweek could a clear no create more space for what truly matters? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Reproductive coercion is not always loud. Sometimes, it comes disguised as love, tradition, or duty, and it derails a woman’s career silently, year after year. When a public leader admits to intentionally making his wife give birth every year to “destabilize her” and prevent other men from admiring her, we are no longer just talking about patriarchy. We are confronting abuse disguised as protection, sabotage disguised as care and control disguised as commitment. This is reproductive coercion and it happens more often than we think. Even in progressive, educated circles, at the workplace, in marriages and yes, religious communities. Some signs of reproductive coercion that sabotage ones career: - A partner who pressures you into getting pregnant when you’re just about to get promoted, or go back to school. -Discouragement from using birth control or family planning tools. -Guilt-tripping you for prioritizing your career over “expanding the family.” -Repeated pregnancies that you didn’t plan and a pattern of “you’ll have time later.” -Subtle manipulation during key career milestones -job offers, travel, promotions, sabbaticals. If this feels familiar: 1. Name it: Coercion thrives in silence. Speak to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support group. Share this post, it may help someone in trouble. 2. Plan quietly: Map out your financial options and career backup plans -you are allowed to protect your autonomy. 3. Use discreet family planning: Talk to a medical professional you trust about options you can control privately. 4. Build a tribe: Surround yourself with women (and men) who believe in your dreams, not just your duties. 5. Document patterns: If you're in a legal or HR-covered space (workplace, health insurance, etc.), keep a private record. This isn’t a ‘women only’ or ‘feminist’ issue, but a human rights issue in general. You are allowed to want a family and a future and you are allowed to say no to being someone’s retirement plan. Let’s talk about it. #saynotoreproductivecoercion #justivyafrica

“She’s great, but…” Still the most dangerous phrase in too many boardrooms. This morning, we had a sharp and stirring session at The Marketing Society part of our Think Equal** initiative, and it reminded me (again) why these conversations need to move off the breakfast panel circuit and into everyday decision-making. We talked bias. The conscious. The unconscious. And the conveniently overlooked. A few observations: - Many of the challenges women face in career progression are real. - Some are deeply systemic. - And yes, some - brace yourselves - are now deeply internalized. The ‘victim mindset’ showed up more than once today, and it made me pause. Are we spending too much time asking the system to change, and not enough time learning how to navigate it? Because here’s the hard truth: most managers aren’t going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly rewire their thinking. But we can outsmart the wiring. So, in the spirit of ToughLove, here are 5 ways we can push past unconscious bias in the workplace: 1. Own the Room. Don’t wait to be invited. Stop asking for permission to lead. Start acting like it’s already yours, and let them catch up. 2. Ditch the “I’m Not Ready” Script. No one feels fully ready. Not men. Not women. Not even CEOs with three assistants and a mindfulness coach. The difference? Men often say ‘YES’ when they tick some of the boxes. Women wait until they tick all of them - twice. 3. Speak Money. Speak Strategy. Stop underselling. Start framing your value in commercial terms. Results beat likability on any spreadsheet. 4. Build a Power Network, Not a Support Group. Empathy is great. But ambition needs allies, not just shoulders to cry on. 5. Flip the Bias Back. Turn “too emotional” into “emotionally intelligent.” Turn “aggressive” into “decisive.” Turn “bossy” into “boss.” Bias won’t vanish overnight. But that doesn’t mean we wait politely in the hallway. We build our own rooms, our own rules, and our own results. To all the women navigating this system daily: I see you, and WE ALL have some work to do. To the men reading this: if you’re not part of the solution, you might be the bias. Let’s talk less about awareness, and more about action. #ThinkEqual #Leadership #ToughLove #BiasInTheWorkplace #WomenInBusiness #MarketingSociety TOUGHLOVE Advisors ** P.S. Think Equal is The Marketing Society’s initiative aimed at driving real inclusion across the Marcomms industry in the GCC.

💣 ⬇ Women Sabotaging Women - Why is this *still* a thing? I’ve been thinking a lot about women sabotaging women. Why is this common practice? I’m a start-up female CEO and founder who has raised VC money. I have worked in entertainment, media, and tech my whole career. Cancel culture was not a thing when I started. I have experienced bias from both men and women. I’ve been reflecting on my journey and experiences recently, as I raise my children and build my company. How can I break down these biases and nurture the next generation of leaders? I've been fortunate to work alongside some truly inspiring leaders - both men and women- who have played pivotal roles in my career development. Their support and influence have been invaluable. However, the path hasn't been without its challenges. As I navigate leading my own company, I'm deeply committed to uplifting women—offering advice, mentorship, and expanding their networks. This commitment has me thinking a lot about the dynamics of competition among women, especially considering my own experiences of being undermined by more senior women in my career. Despite the cutthroat nature of the industries I've worked in, the actions of these women were surprising and disheartening. One might expect those in higher positions to guide and mentor, not sabotage. Now, from a position of leadership, I'm contemplating ways to disrupt this cycle. Here are some observations and lessons I've learned: ❤️ Empathy and Understanding: Recognizing that insecurity and competition often stem from systemic issues rather than personal failings can foster a more empathetic workplace culture. ☀ Creating Safe Spaces for Growth: Encouraging an environment where women can express vulnerabilities, seek advice, and share their ambitions without fear of retribution is crucial. 🤝 Mentorship and Sponsorship: Actively mentoring and sponsoring women not only aids their professional growth but also strengthens the overall community. 👏 Celebrating Successes: Making it a norm to celebrate each other's successes can mitigate feelings of competition and jealousy. 📣 Open Dialogue: Facilitating conversations about gender dynamics and competition can help in understanding and overcoming these challenges together. 🧠 Self-Reflection: It’s important for leaders to reflect on their behavior and ensure they’re not unconsciously perpetuating harmful patterns. So… changing the narrative around women sabotaging women starts with us—through our actions, support systems, and the culture we cultivate in our professional environments. Let's strive to be the mentors we wished we had, celebrate each other's achievements, and work towards a culture where women feel empowered to thrive without fear of being undermined. Who’s with me?! 💃 #womensupportingwomen #femaleentrepreneur #cancelculture #digiphy